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I give her the phone back and move out of her hold, needing the space to tell her the story. “He was my brother’s best friend. His family moved in next to us when I was seven; he and Marcus were ten. My parents weren’t around much, chasing their dreams of being famous, so we were left with nannies.” I drop my head back onto the couch and stare at the ceiling. “Asher’s mom was amazing and had us over all the time, but we were also left alone a lot after she died a few years later. Marcus and Asher raised me more than anyone else.” I suck in a deep breath and hold it for a second, the pressure on my chest so fucking tight I rub at it with the heel of my hand.
“On New Year’s when I was sixteen, he kissed me at midnight.” A tear slips out to trail into my hair. Jordan reaches for my hand and gives me an encouraging squeeze. “After that, we had these little stolen moments when Marcus was distracted and Asher was home from school. He came home for a while during the summer before camp started for his third year. We spent every day together, sneaking kisses and quick make-out sessions. About a week before he was supposed to go back to school, we were out at our favorite spot at the lake, and I left early to hang out with some friends. He walked me to my car, kissed me, and I never saw him or Marcus again.”
“Jesus,” Jordan whispers, running her hand through her bright pink hair. “That’s awful.”
All I can do is nod as I chew on my lip, trying so hard to keep the memories from overwhelming me.
“Why don’t we watch a movie, eat some junk food, or order lunch?”
Doing nothing sounds absolutely amazing. But I don’t want company.
I nod at her anyway, and she finds the remote for the TV. She browses the different streaming services and decides onSpidermanwith Andrew Garfield. I have to admit that it’s not hard to watch him in that tight suit. Looking around, I find a blanket on the floor and wrap it around myself, kick my shoes off, and curl up against the arm of the couch.
“Are you hungry?” Jordan asks about halfway through the movie.
“Sure.” I shrug.
She eyes me but calls a little pizza place we like down the street from my apartment. She knows the way to my heart and orders a pepperoni and pineapple pizza.
Warm and semi comfortable, I fall asleep in the safety of my apartment.
When I wake up, the apartment is dark and the TV is off. I sit up and look around, but Jordan is gone, and now I feel like a dick. She just wanted to spend my birthday with me, and I ruined it.
Guilt eats at me as I stand and see the light over the stove on with a note. Padding across the cold wood floor, I see the oven is on a very low temperature. Jordan put my pizza in there to stay warm for me, and apparently put the fixings for strawberry shortcake in the fridge. My favorite dessert.
I shut off the oven but don’t pull the pizza out. I’m not hungry. Leaning against the oven handle, I look around my apartment and notice she cleaned as well. God, I’m a lazy piece of shit. What a shitty friend I am. Why does she even stick around? What can she possibly be getting out of this friendship?
Grabbing my phone from the counter where I dropped it when I walked in, I turn it on, and it buzzes with notifications. A few happy birthday texts, about a dozen missed calls from Asher, and ten texts from him as well. I clear all of them without looking at them and text Jordan.
ELLIOT: I’m sorry I fell asleep.
She immediately responds.
JORDAN: It’s all good, sweets, I’m glad you got some rest. Are you in for the night, or do you want to meet up somewhere?
I need out of my head, an escape, and I can’t do that when I’m with her, so I lie to her, and the guilt just keeps packing on.
ELLIOT: I think I’m in for the night. Thank you for everything today.
JORDAN: I wish it had worked out better, but you’re welcome.
Flipping to another text thread, I find Colin.
ELLIOT: Meet me at the club?
I slide the phone into my pocket and make my way to the bathroom to freshen up while I wait for him to respond.
Fucking Colin. I dislike him as a human, but he works for what I need. A quick fuck to get off without strings or questions. He’s a selfish prick, but over the years, I’ve learned how to use him to get what I want when I need it. It’s been months since I reached out and wanted anything from him, months since I went out to a bar. Fuck, going out with Jordan last night was the first time I left my apartment in weeks in general.
After I put on fresh deodorant and spray some cologne on, my phone buzzes in my pocket. I check the message without looking to see who it is.
ASHER: Eli, please talk to me.
My heart rate skyrockets as the frigid waters of dread crash over me. I need to get over this. I can’t let seeing his name have this effect on me anymore. A text comes through from Colin with just a thumbs-up, and I finish getting ready.
Can I get out without having a babysitter follow me? They leave me alone if I’m with Jordan, but the damn security guards hound me when I’m alone.
A smirk lifts one side of my lips at the idea of dodging them and making them come find me. It’s been a while since I’ve really messed with them, and tonight, I have no fucks left to give. I need to stop feeling, and I know just where to find that.
