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It should have been one of the best nights of my life. Timothy was by my side, and we were surrounded by friends. When my son showed up, for just a few seconds everything was perfect. I felt complete.
Then it all fell apart, in a way I never could have anticipated.
Timothy had looked stunned, and Lee looked like I’d betrayed him—like I’d set him up, just to knock him down. How could he think so little of me? I’d have to be a monster to purposely seek out his ex-boyfriend and then flaunt our relationship.
I’d chased after Lee when he stormed off, and I caught up to him just outside the warehouse. He’d turned on me with rage in his eyes. I’d tried to explain, tried to tell him it was just a wild coincidence—nothing premeditated, nothing designed to hurt him.
But it didn’t matter. He was hurt, and nothing I could say was going to change that. He’d stormed off after a minute, and I’d just stood there, in that tacky velvet tuxedo and that ridiculous wig, totally at a loss for what to do next.
Then, because I had no idea what to say to Timothy, I’d decided the best thing to do was to go home and regroup. So, I’d hopped in a cab, and as soon as I got home, I threw out that costume. Then I sent a text to Timothy letting him know I’d left, poured myself a drink, and started pacing.
I’d been doing that ever since. It had been hours. My legs ached, and the alcohol was starting to make the room spin. I made it to the sofa in my den and tried to deposit the highball glass on the coffee table, but I missed. Then I draped my arms over my eyes and tried to block out the light, and the world, and this disastrous night.
How could the universe be so cruel? I’d finally found my person, the man I was sure I was meant to be with. I was finally coming alive. And then it turned out he and my son—
I couldn’t complete that thought. I wouldn’t let myself.
It was a long time ago, ancient history. I knew that. But how the hell was I going to get past it?
The next morning, I woke up on the couch with a raging hangover and dragged myself to the kitchen for a glass of water. My phone was on the counter, and there were two messages. The first was from Maureen, asking why I’d disappeared from the fundraiser. I kept my reply short and vague, simply telling her something had come up. That was all I could manage for now.
The other message was from Timothy. It said: I’m in Southern California with Daniel. He caught his boyfriend in the act last night and needed to get out of SF for a while. Maybe this is good timing, since it’ll give you and me some time to think and sort through all of this.
He was right, I did need some time to sort out my thoughts, and to get a handle on last night’s revelation. So did he. It had to be just as strange for him, realizing he’d been with his ex-boyfriend’s father…
What if he didn’t want me after this?
What if it was too weird for him, too uncomfortable?
What if I’d just lost him?
How was I going to live without him?
I felt nauseous and ended up sitting down on the kitchen floor, clutching my phone.
But no. I couldn’t think like this. I wouldn’t. I had to believe I meant as much to Timothy as he meant to me, and that we’d both find our way through this.
Right now, I just needed to give him some time. I needed time too, so I could get my head straight, as Maureen was fond of saying. This was going to be okay.
It had to be.
After thinking long and hard about how I should reply, I went with a simple, straightforward message: Take all the time you need. I’ll be here when you’re ready to talk.
I got up off the floor and went upstairs to take a shower. Then I got dressed in a suit and tie, and I drove myself to the office.
I did that because this was too much right now—too much emotion, too much uncertainty. I needed the distraction and the predictability of work. It was the only place where I felt like I was in control.
19
Timothy
The next three days were so strange. Daniel’s older brother Donny was basically an overgrown frat boy, so his home was loaded with all kinds of indulgences. Among other things, there was a home theater, a gym, a game room with pinball machines and arcade games, a well-stocked bar, a pool, and a garage full of sporting equipment, including bikes, skateboards, and roller blades.
