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I decided the donuts could wait. I really wanted some coffee, and we were out. But I’d discovered a coffee house just a couple of miles away, so I pocketed the key, scooped up my favorite of Donny’s skateboards, and headed out the door.
The residential area was oddly empty. It felt like absolutely everyone must be at work, and there wasn’t a car in sight—not even parked on the streets. But then, all these big houses had two- and three-car garages, so no wonder.
I tried to clear my head and live in the moment, because this really did feel wonderful—the sun on my face, the wind in my hair, the rush of adrenaline as I shot down the middle of the empty street, pushing off again and again so I could go faster.
But my thoughts drifted to Aleksei. I couldn’t stop them, and I didn’t really want to.
He’d be at work right now. In fact, he’d probably been working more than ever since I’d been gone. He retreated to the office at every opportunity. I’d come to realize it was where he felt safest. It was predictable. Regimented. And he was the boss, so he made the rules. I could see why there’d be a certain comfort in that…
Maybe if I hadn’t been lost in thought, I would have heard the delivery van before it rounded the corner into the development. Instead, it startled me when we were suddenly nose-to-nose, and I swerved sharply to avoid it. My board hit the curb and came to a stop, while momentum launched me forward. Ahead of me was a drop-off to a rocky drainage ditch.
This was going to hurt.
20
Aleksei
On Tuesday morning, I sat at my desk, staring unseeingly at a printed report and thinking about Timothy.
My concentration had been shot for days. I’d even turned to two of my senior staff members, Ivan and Julia, to pick up some of the slack. They’d seemed both worried and hopeful. It obviously wasn’t good news that the head of the company was going through something, but at the same time, they welcomed the opportunity to prove they were capable of taking on more responsibility.
After a while, I switched from staring at the papers to staring into space. I hated this weird holding pattern that Timothy and I were in. I knew he needed some time to come to grips with the revelation that I was related to his ex-boyfriend, and I could only hope that didn’t end up being a deal breaker for him.
The fact that I needed to fix the situation with Lee was also weighing on me. He wasn’t returning my calls, so I’d taken to writing him long, rambling emails. In them, I tried to explain that I never meant to hurt him, and I also tried to make him understand what Timothy meant to me. He needed to know that, even if he didn’t want to hear it. This wasn’t just some random fling, not by a long shot.
And, okay, I was also coming to grips with the fact that my son and Timothy had been involved. That wasn’t something I wanted to think about, but I knew I had to come to terms with it, so Timothy and I could move forward.
I got up and went to the window, and I stared at the restaurant across the street for a while. I thought back to the early days, after that chance encounter on the street, where I didn’t even know how to speak to Timothy. Instead, I just came in for dinner day after day and pined for him.
It seemed ridiculous now. Why couldn’t I strike up a conversation, or take the ball and run with it when he tried to talk to me? He was a friendly, outgoing person, and he’d put a lot of effort into getting me to open up.
But I just couldn’t talk to him at first, because I was overwhelmed by my attraction to him. Somehow, I knew giving in to it was going to completely change my life, and I’d been resistant to that because change had always been something I feared.
Maybe that was a byproduct of emigrating to a new country at a young age. My entire world had been uprooted, and it had shaken me to my core. Ever since, I’d craved stability. Consistency. Predictability. If that move had never happened, if I’d grown up in that same, bright yellow apartment on the outskirts of St. Petersburg, who would I be now? Would I still be so cautious and resistant to change?
I’d never know the answer to that.
I was pulled from my thoughts when my cell phone began to ring. I took it from my coat pocket and glanced at the unfamiliar phone number and area code before answering. A woman’s voice asked, “Mr. Volkov?”
