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I clenched my jaw. The whole holding onto your virginity until marriage thing was absolute bullshit. The men weren’t expected to do the same thing. Why the fuck were the women? What was so special about breaking a woman’s hymen? Taking her virginity? Sex was fucking sex.
And it was healthy. It shouldn’t be frowned upon like this. It was a good form of exercise, had numerous health benefits, and fuck, it left both parties in a damn good mood when they came.
Growling, I emerged from the hall. Jerking in surprise, she opened her eyes and sucked in a sharp breath of air at the sight of me. Her cheeks colored, and she scrambled off her knees, her wide eyes staring at me with caution.
“Here pleading for forgiveness from a being that I’m pretty sure doesn’t truly give a fuck about you?” I asked her, crossing my arms over my chest as I stopped near the podium where my father gave all his bullshit sermons.
She tightened her lips, not answering me. I moved closer to her, arching a brow at her pretty, pale face. “Why do you feel the need to beg Him for forgiveness?” I asked her.
She was shaking the slightest bit, a conflicted look in her eyes. She wanted me, but she didn’t want to. Thought she shouldn’t.
Oh, little blondie, you have no idea how much worse I can make it.
“Because what happened was wrong,” she whispered.
I hummed, uncrossing my arms, letting my hands drop to my sides. “Was it, little blondie? Sex is healthy. Ask any fucking doctor. I mean, God created doctors, didn’t He?”
She frowned then, confusion lighting up her eyes. She looked down at the floor, suddenly looking unsure. Reaching up, I hooked my finger under her chin, lifting her pretty face again before I pushed her blonde hair behind her ears. “Got you thinking now, don’t I?” I asked her.
“I thought we weren’t supposed to question—”
I gripped the side of her neck, tugging her against me. She sucked in a small breath of air, her lips parting the slightest bit. I flickered my eyes to them for a moment before locking them back on hers. They were inviting. Enticing.
“Tell me, little blondie, do you want to die for this fucking cult-like community?” Immediately, she shook her head, looking a little green at the thought of it. “That’s what’s going to happen if you stay here, continuing to let your father dictate everything you do. It’ll kill you, little blondie. And maybe you won’t get buried young, but whatever soul you’ve got left, this place will suck it right the fuck out of you.”
Her eyes flickered over my face. Confusion lit up her eyes. She wasn’t sure what to believe or what to think, but I could tell I was opening her eyes a little bit. And fuck, I couldn’t help myself. Despite me not wanting to, I was growing attached to her, fucking obsessed with her.
Not a goddamn thing I could do about that now except protect her and keep her alive while I fucking could. Seeing her fall apart for me, seeing her fear, seeing her trust me even though she had no idea she was doing so… It did something to me.
“Why are you doing this?” she softly asked. Frowning, she shook her head. “I don’t understand.”
I brushed my thumb along her chin, and she shivered, her breath hitching in her throat at the caress. “Because for whatever goddamn reason I haven’t figured out yet, I care about you, little blondie. It’s driving me a little fucking nuts, but I do. And I don’t want to see this place kill you.”
Her eyes widened at my confession, her lips parting once again. God, she looked so goddamn beautiful when she looked at me like that.
“It hasn’t killed my sisters,” she said softly, but I could tell she was growing concerned, even if she still looked unsure. I couldn’t really blame her, really. I mean, fuck, just yesterday, she’d still been pretty sure I fucking hated her and wanted to break her. Now I was telling her I cared about her and didn’t want to see this place destroy her.
But my reaction to her being beaten on wasn’t normal for someone who supposedly hated her, and I didn’t hide from shit that didn’t make sense to me. I worked on figuring it out. Which was how I’d figured out I cared, even if I hadn’t figured out why or when my feelings for her had changed. I’d deal with all of that, too.
But I never ran. Running was for cowards.
“You sure it hasn’t killed your sisters?” I asked her, lifting my other hand to grip her waist. She stepped a little closer to me. Didn’t know if she meant to or not, but I brushed my thumb along her ribcage to soothe her all the same. “Do they smile anymore, Lillian? Do they laugh like they used to as kids?”
Slowly, she shook her head, her eyes clouding over with sadness. I sighed softly. “They’re dead inside, little blondie.” I tipped her chin up when she lowered her head, forcing her eyes to lock back on mine. “Want me to help you live?”
Those pretty eyes flickered over my face again, and finally, she nodded, nervously licking her lips. I grinned down at her. Her pupils widened in response. She knew that grin, knew the danger that lurked behind it. But she also knew the ecstasy and release that hid behind it as well.
“You sure you want my version of living?” I asked her.
“Yes,” she said softly. She swallowed thickly. “You’re pretty messed up in the head, Amadeus,” I snorted, “but you’ve never actuallyhurtme.”
The fact that she thought sexual assault wasn’t as bad as being beaten said a fucking lot about the shit she’d been through. And it made me irrationally angry. I bit it back though. The last fucking thing I wanted to do was scare her away.
“You said it—not me.” Spinning her around, I gripped the hem of her dress and tugged it over her head, dropping it to the floor. Her bra went next, and then, I slid her panties down her thick thighs, groaning softly when I saw how wet they were.
She wasalwaysready for me, even if she didn’t want to be. But this time, she did. This time, she had agreed.
“Amadeus, we’re in church,” she hissed, but she didn’t stop me. Instead, she just stepped out of her flats for me, trusting me to protect her if someone walked in on us. And I fucking would. If someone looked at her like this, vulnerable and naked for me, I wouldn’t be held responsible for my actions.
