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Chapter thirteen
Piper
Isitinmyroom without Jesse...and I miss him.
I miss him so bad that it makes me feel like I need a fix.
I recognize that sensation, and it scares the hell out of me. When I was an addict, I rememberwantingthe high more than anything, and Jesse makes me feel that way sometimes. Like I'm flying, like nothing could ever go wrong.
I grab my phone and scroll through my contacts for the only other person who's ever cared about me: my sponsor, Doreen. I chew on my lip as I stare at her number, my thumb grazing the screen...and then I call her.
It's been ages; she may have changed her number. It rings quite a few times, and I get scared that I'm alone in all this...but then she picks up.
"Piper?" her voice croaks.
Oh my God--I forgot the time difference. It's eleven here, which means it's the middle of the night back in Texas.
"You were sleeping," I blurt out. "I'm so sorry, I can call back tomorrow."
"No, no," Doreen says, her scratchy voice immediately setting me at ease. "You're fine, Piper. Are you safe?"
I nod, even though she can't see it. "Mmhm...I'm...I'msosafe, actually."
She snorts. "What does that mean?"
"I think I'm..." I pause again.
"Yes?"
"I think I'm happy," I say quietly. "Happier than I've ever been."
Doreen's pause is palpable, and I can almost hear her thoughts rattling around in her head. She always comes up with the right thing to say--but it takes time.
"That's great, Piper," she finally says. "Really great. But...why does that scare you?"
I suck in a breath, realizing how foolish this must sound. Here I am, a grown-ass woman, getting scared because I'm happy. "I don't know. I guess I'm just scared that it's not real. That something's going to happen and it'll all disappear."
"It's okay to be scared," Doreen says gently. "But don't let that fear control you. You deserve to be happy, Piper. You've worked so hard to get where you are."
Tears prick my eyes, and I swallow hard. "Thank you, Doreen. I need to remember that."
"Where are you?" she asks. "Do you need a ride?"
"No, no," I say. "Actually...I'm in Oregon."
She goes silent. "With Caleb?"
I huff out a laugh. "You'll never believe me."
"So not Caleb."
"No," I tell her. "I'm...I started fucking his brother, Jesse."
She gasps. "Okay--now I'm a little worried."
"Doreen, don't scare me."
"You're scaring me!" she says. "But...as long as you say you're okay..."
