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And I want to.
Because what's not to love?
His phone buzzes and he reaches over to grab it, his fingers tracing idle circles on my shoulder. I rest my head on his chest and look up at him, seeing the frown that crosses his features.
"What's up?" I ask.
"Hm..." he grumbles. "Work."
"Gray?"
"No, not Hart work," he says. "The dam gig will be over soon, actually--and I've already got companies breathing down my neck trying to get me to come out and work for them."
It makes my heart ache, even though I've known for a long time that Jake doesn't plan on sticking around. I figured we would just keep up our little fling whenever he was in town...but the prospect of being separated from him makes me want to sob.
"Where are you thinking of going?" I ask quietly.
He shrugs. "Not sure yet. I've got a few offers."
"Where's your favorite place to work?" I ask. "Or...I guess, where are your favorite places to dive?"
He stares up at the ceiling, a light rainfall outside creating grey and blue shadows all over the room, and he sighs at the sight.
"You want diving stories?" he asks. "Some of them are a little scary."
I laugh. "I love a good scary story."
Jake turns his head to look at me, his eyes glinting mischievously. "Alright then," he says, "I'll tell you about the time I was diving in the Gulf and got surrounded by a school of hammerhead sharks."
My eyes widen as he begins to weave a tale of peril and adventure. I'm hanging onto his every word, my heart racing with excitement. As he describes the way the sharks had circled him, I can feel my body tensing up with fear, even though it's just a story.
"And then what happened?" I ask eagerly as he finishes recounting the tale.
"Well," he grins, "I managed to make it back to the boat in one piece. But I think that's when I realized just how much I love diving. There's something about being down there, surrounded by all these incredible creatures...it's like a whole other world."
I nod, feeling a sudden surge of longing. I've never been diving, but it's not about that--it's how Jake sounds like he loves the sea more then he could ever possibly love me.
And that shouldn't make me bitter...but it does.
Then he says something that makes my blood run cold.
"I nearly died once," he says, his voice softening. "I was on a dive in the Philippines, and I got trapped in an underwater cave. I was down there for hours, running out of oxygen...I thought I was a goner."
I gasp, my heart pounding in my chest. "What happened ?" I ask, my voice shaking.
Jake takes a deep breath, his eyes distant as he relives the memory. "I don't really know," he says slowly. "I remember feeling like I was about to black out...and then suddenly, I was out of the cave and back on the boat. I don't know if someone rescued me...or if it was some kind of miracle...but ever since then, I've felt like I'm living on borrowed time."
I stare at him, my heart twisting painfully. I hate the idea of him getting hurt--but even more, I hate how he sounds like he loved every second of that experience.
"I'm surprised you went back," I say quietly.
He shrugs. "I think it's what solidified that this was what I was meant to do," he says. "A sign that I should keep at it--that there are so many more worlds to explore."
I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes as Jake speaks. This isn't what I want to hear. I want him to say that he loves me more than anything else in the world, that he can't imagine leaving me behind. But instead, he's talking about how he feels like he's living on borrowed time, and how he's compelled to keep diving no matter what the risks are.
"I don't want you to get hurt," I say, my voice choked with emotion. "I don't want to lose you."
Jake reaches out to stroke my hair, his touch gentle and tender as he laughs softly. "Don't you worry about a thing,cher," he says. "I'm a professional, remember? I know how to stay safe."
