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She had always smiled at me as if nothing could possibly be wrong when it was just the two of us, but I’d replaced her fleeting optimism with a bare-faced lie. Alina had told me she loved me, words I had dreamed of hearing, but instead of joy filling my heart until it felt like it would burst, it ached as if it were constricted and unable to beat.
I’d told her I didn’t love her back and never could. I told her she was as crazy as her mother to think I ever would. I had told her I never wanted to see her again, that she wouldn’t ever be good enough for me, and was a waste of time to see each other anymore.
I’d told her I needed someone else, someone like Silvi.
I was cruel.
I had been relentless in my demand to push her away.
Those were the final words I’d gotten out before I could see the damage they had caused her. It was as if her body was transparent, and her heart was made of glass. I witnessed every crack and was the cause of every shard that fell away.
I remembered the look on her face, and a wave of regret washed over me. The things I’d said were unforgivable. I felt responsible for the sight of her now and how broken she was.
She laughed a full belly giggle with her head thrown back and tears running down her cheeks. “Life kept you from leaving, and death brought me back.”
Her laughter turned to sobs, and I was floundering with no clue what to do for her. So, like a coward, I remained in the doorway, watching on.
“She’s dead. My crazy momma is dead,” Alina declared to the room, wiping away the rest of the fat tears as they threatened to overflow her beautiful eyes.
Finally, she released a ragged breath. “This town is to blame, you know? They were scared of her because she was different. But does that give them the right to say horrible things about her?”
“No, darlin’, it doesn’t. Fear and stupidity don’t give anyone the right.” I couldn’t bring myself farther into the room. I couldn’t move toward her, not when I was no better with the things I’d said to her face than the people in town were for what they’d said behind her back.
She offered me a watery smile. My breath hitched at the sight of her, with how beautiful she was.
“She used to tell me that one day I would marry you, and you’d always protect me from anyone trying to hurt me. But what my mother didn’t realize was that it was you who I needed the most protection from. I could handle the rumors and the whispering when I went into town. Even after they’d taken her away, I’d hear the things they’d say. I heardallof it. No matter what they’d come up with, it was always going to be you who’d end up hurting me the most. It was my own fault, really. I gave you all the power, Callum. I gave you my heart, and you used it as a weapon against me.”
I flinched at her words and clutched at my stomach. Then, with a dire need and without a moment to spare, I escaped out the door we’d walked through together not so long ago and emptied my stomach into the weed-riddled garden bed.
Only when I was sure there was nothing left did I dare sit back and drag the sleeve of my sweater across my mouth. I ignored the rain. I knew I deserved the bitter punishment of the storm.
Alina had moved into the doorway, keeping the screen door as a simple barrier between herself and me.
“Are you okay?”
The genuine concern in her voice surprised me. After everything she’d just said to me and the blame I carried, the last thing I’d earned from Alina was her empathy.
ChapterSixteen
Alina
The anger seeped out of me like blood from an open wound. Seeing Callum miserable and sitting in the mud, being rained on, was something else. He was only human and not the monster I had manifested him to be, after all.
“Callum, come back in out of the rain. Please.”
There was a sadness in his eyes while his mouth turned downward at the sides. “I can’t. I’m so sorry, Alina. About everything.”
I could only watch as he pulled himself up from the ground and took long strides toward his car, moving as quickly as possible. I wanted to run after him, but my head overruled my heart, beating so loud in my chest it could rival the thunder.
That was becoming a view of Callum all too familiar, abandoning me when I needed him, driving away with no signs he may come back for me.
I’d stayed at the door, watching for a long time after the taillights had disappeared into the forest. My hands rested on either side of the doorframe, pressing my fingers into it so tightly my knuckles had turned white.
Eventually, I gave up when the low light hindered the view of the driveway, and my still-damp clothes sent chills through my body.
I changed into my pajamas and wrapped the mohair blanket around my body to beat the chill as I sat curled up in the chair in front of the fire Callum had started, watching as the flames danced in the fireplace.
We had sat together in this chair, wrapped in an old bedsheet, with our almost naked bodies pressing against one another in the days before I’d left. It was as close to being intimate as we’d gotten.
