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“I told her I would always protect and keep you safe, Alina.”
“When?” I whispered, but before he could answer, my hand flew to my mouth. I already knew the answer. “She came to see you the night she killed him, didn’t she? Didn’t she?”
It was no longer a question. Callum’s affirmation was merely a formality.
A sound had awakened me, I no longer remembered what it was, but I’d searched the house looking for her, calling for her. I’d even run out into the field to the wisteria tree and searched the outbuildings, but it had been fruitless. I’d lain awake for hours with the worst scenarios filtering through as my senses strained in the darkness. I thought she’d wandered off into the dark night and had no idea if she’d come back.
Eventually, after lying awake for hours, I heard her come home. Relief had washed over me as she’d crept up the stairs and back to her bedroom. Sleep continued to evade me as her soft snores carried through to the early dawn.
“I didn’t know what she was going to do. If I had known, I wouldn’t have let her leave. I could’ve done something more to stop her. I think about that every day.”
“What did she say to you?”
Were there signs of the choice she was about to make, any clue at all that of what she was thinking? Something I missed?
“Alina, what difference does it make now?”
I recoiled as if he’d slapped me with his words. It made so much difference he couldn’t possibly imagine. Otherwise, he wouldn’t even have asked. I needed to move. Pushing up, I paced the room. Callum’s eyes were on me as I made my way around the room, scattered steps without any back and forth.
“It matters because I need to know why I couldn’t have helped her. Why couldn’t she talk to me about what she was thinking? Can you imagine what she must have been going through to think that killing someone was the answer? I could have gotten her help, and things would have ended up differently for her. For all of us.”
Callum stood, casting a shadow from the glow of the still-blazing fire. He followed my progression until I was within reach, pulling me roughly into his arms. I felt caged and, for the first time, resented the strength of the man in front of me.
“I’ve rehashed that night over and over, sweetheart. There is no way any of us could’ve known what she had planned. There is no comfort in overanalyzing the past, only in her actions that she did it to protect you. She had come to me asking me to take care of you and make sure no one could hurt you.”
“Youhurt me,” I squeaked out, my face buried in his chest, muffling my words.
“I know. And that is the hardest thing to seek forgiveness for. I let everyone down when I did, and I lied, thinking I could do the right thing.”
I tilted my head back, watching his face twist with the pain of the truth in his words. Even in the low light, the guilt was visible, still etched across his features. The beautiful and pained face of the boy I’d fallen in love with, who had flourished into the man I finally had back within reach.
His hands slid up, cupping my face, and my hands gripped his waist, clinging to the warmth of his body.
“I never thought I would hurt you in the way I did.”
“I forgive you.” My whispered words were the truth. Those three little words lifted the world from my shoulders and set me free.
The truth gave wings to my dampened spirit, and I felt like it had been a passage of feeling I had been denying myself for so long.
Callum sighed, his shoulders rising and falling as if he’d been holding his breath the entire time. “I never thought hearing those words would sound so good, darlin’. I didn’t think I would ever hear them or if I even deserved them at all.”
My hands slipped over the naked flesh of his stomach to the muscles defined so elegantly where I could feel his heart beating hard against his chest. A tempered groan caressed his lips when my fingers teased the dusting of hair spread across the valley and expanse of his chest.
“Callum, everyone deserves forgiveness, even if it means having to forgive yourself.” My hands rose with his chest and fell as the ragged breath was eased out.
Callum’s hands lifted to cover mine, and silently we breathed together, synchronizing our heartbeats as if they were realigning to beat as one.
“I’ve never stopped loving you, Alina. When you left, you took a part of me, leaving a void no one else could ever fill, and I am so fucking scared that when you leave again, that void is going to swallow me up.”
“Please don’t do that.” I closed my eyes, hoping the simple action was enough to hold back the tidal wave of tears that wanted to break free. “Please don’t make me feel guilty about moving on with my life. It took a long time and a lot of hard work to get to where I am now.”
“I’m sorry. It was a selfish thing to say.” Callum dropped his hands and stepped back from me, forcing my hands to swing back to my sides. Immediately, I felt the loss through my entire being.
“I’ll try to get hold of Charlie. Maybe he can come out and cut that tree off the road. You okay here?”
Only when I nodded that I was, did Callum leave the room. The door creaked before banging closed, a reminder of the first day I came back here after so long away from my home.
His voice trailed away as I made my way down the hall to the kitchen. I wanted to be busy.
