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Callum
As Alina settled back in next to me, I inhaled deeply, filling my lungs and memory with her scent. This was a moment I never wanted to forget, one I had dreamed of for as far back as I could remember. All the previous nights we’d spent together were now overshadowed by tonight.
These moments were my redemption where Alina was concerned. For the time she would lie in my arms, I might forgive myself for poisoning our relationship ten years ago. I could close my eyes with the heat of her body next to me and almost convince myself all that time hadn’t passed between us. I could take us back to the day we were together and make everything right between us. We would leave together.
“I have missed you so much,” I whispered into her hair.
A tiny, barely-there whimper escaped her. She had already fallen asleep. I lay still, not wanting to disturb or leave her just yet. The morning was inescapable, but this moment right here was undeniable. A new day would dawn quicker than I’d ever be ready for, and if I had one wish, it would be for a few more hours of the night to keep her in my arms.
Only when I felt Alina thrashing in my arms did I realize I had drifted off into my own slumber.
“Alina?” I said her name, hoping to wake her from the nightmare she was living in. “Baby, wake up.”
She moved around. Her forehead dampened with perspiration, her arms flailing while she moaned in her unconscious state. Calling her name repeatedly proved unsuccessful as I tried to rouse her again.
Worry gripped me when she screamed out with tears rolling down her cheeks. I cursed under my breath at my incapacity to process the scene happening before my eyes. My words had no effect on the tendril of her nightmare, which kept her bound. Gripping her shoulders, I shook her gently and let out a deep-seated sigh once her eyes fluttered. She stirred, and I waited for her to focus and return to me.
She stilled, her blue eyes filled with despair as she lay there with her silent tears still falling, sliding down her cheeks into the spray of hair beneath her.
“Hey. You’re okay. I’m here.” Brushing my thumb across her cheek, I wiped away the last of the tears. “It was just a bad dream, baby. You’re okay.” Softly, I reassured her while the feeling of helplessness twisted like a knife in my chest. Seeing her so fragile and powerless to her own subconscious was too much.
“Hold me, please, Callum.”
I pulled her body into mine, holding her there with my arms wrapped around her, embracing her tightly like all her pieces would fall apart if I ever so slightly loosened my grip on her.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked, planting a kiss on her hair.
“Callum, there was so much blood.” Her voice hitched as I watched as she lifted her hands to examine them, expecting to find the last traces of her nightmare still on them. “It was everywhere, all over the floor and sprayed up the walls.” Inhaling deeply, she tried to regain her composure. “My hands were covered in it.” A strangled sob escaped from behind the hand covering her mouth, her eyes wide in horror as she took me in. “I… I killed you.”
“No, baby. You didn’t. I’m right here.” I took her hand from her mouth, placing it on my chest, over my heart. “See? Still here.”
“Yes,” she whispered. “It was just another dream.”
The last she said more to herself than to me before she settled back in beside me, prompting me to realize it wasn’t just tonight she’d suffered through her sleep. It was no wonder she was frightened of the dark.
I despised how the darkness left her feeling so vulnerable. “Do you have these dreams a lot, Alina?”
“No, not really.” For a moment, in the darkness, she was thoughtful. “Probably more often now that I’m back here.”
“In Beddington? Or here with me?” I asked, swallowing the words while feeling conflicted that hearing the answer would mean I was the cause of her nightmares. My thumb ran circles on the back of her hand, still resting over my chest.
“This life, Callum. There isn’t a singular thing that stirs up the demons while I sleep. A combination usually sets it off, and being here, in truth, it hasn’t helped.” Her hand slid off my chest as she rolled onto her back.
Tucking my arm under my head, I stared toward the ceiling with her.
“My imagination is relentless, but it used to be worse. I would dream of the scene after hearing the stories around town and testimony in court, the blood, and of the body. The details were so vivid it was like I was actually there in the room with them when she did it. In the beginning, I would pray that I could escape it, even if just for a few hours, but it never helped.”
My stomach sank as the wave of nausea climbed its way into my throat. “I wish I could go back and change the past for you.” It was the first time I had spoken the words out loud, but the infinite time I had wished for the change. There was nothing I could say to ease this burden for Alina.
“It’s okay, Callum. Really. I see someone in the city, and we work through it together.”
A pang of impractical jealousy darted through my mind. I was relieved Alina was getting the help she needed, and as much as I wanted to be the only one she needed, the notion was juvenile and ridiculous. Our worlds simply didn’t revolve around a single being. It wasn’t part of human nature.
“I’m glad, baby.”
Hearing the ruffle of the pillow, I glanced over and just made out Alina tilting her head back to look at me.
“Me too.”
