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His voice sounded so defeated like he was the cause of my fitful sleep and it was his fault.
“When I get back to the city, I’ll go back to my regular routine appointments, and it’ll be fine again.” I offered him a weak smile and went to move off him.
Instead, he tightened his hold on me. He guided my chin toward him with his thumb and finger until our eyes met again. “Do these night things have something to do with why you’re scared of the dark?”
I swallowed hard, filled with remorse for Callum witnessing my trauma firsthand. “Yes,” I whispered. “Maybe. I don’t know.”
“Fuck, Alina. I’m so sorry.”
I did my best to muster a reassuring smile for him. His sympathy was kind but as cynical as it sounded, his words and apology helped nothing.
When I went to stand, he let me. I hunted out my handbag and found the box for my prescription in there, then tossed the empty box on the table in front of him. “I also have medication, but I haven’t been able to fill the prescription yet. Besides, the people in town would have a field day knowing that the crazy Simpson woman’s daughter was crazy too.”
“You’re not crazy.” Callum ran his hands through his tussled hair.
I enjoyed watching him do it. Even with his face twisted in frustration, the mess of his hair was like a trophy due to the love we’d made.
“Right, well, as soon as that fucking driveway is cleared,weare going to town to fill that thing. No arguments, Alina. We’ll go to the next fucking town if need be.”
I let out a humorless chuckle at the macho bravado. “I don’t need you to take me to the pharmacy, Callum. I can drive myself. I don’t need you to save me, not when I’ve been saving myself for a while now.”
My frustration with him was growing, for thinking I needed someone to make my life better, someone to smooth my sharp edges. I’d been doing a fine job for the last ten years on my own, and the reason behind that was a blatant reminder we were immediately living in a bubble, one fragile enough to burst at any time.
“Darlin’, just let me help you.”
“You can help me.” I turned and stalked away from him, stopping at the doorway he’d been standing in himself a short time ago. “By finishing this fucking house so I can get out of this godforsaken place.”
Grabbing the banister, I let it aid me in propelling myself up the stairs. I couldn’t bear to stand there and watch the destruction twist Callum’s beautiful face into anything else by my own doing. If I couldn’t run away from the pain I had caused him, then at least I could hide from it, even if only for a little while. My words were like pins positioned precariously on the edge of the world we were naively living in.
Why were we stuck in this cycle of causing one another pain?
For people who loved one another, we hurt the other in about equal measure.
ChapterTwenty-Nine
Callum
“Stop fucking running away from me, Alina,” I yelled after her, the all-too-familiar chase scenario acting itself out again. I’d thought we’d gotten past this, but clearly, we hadn’t. As I landed on the first step, I heard the bathroom door slam shut. At least this time, I knew she couldn’t escape from me, not while we were both under the same roof.
“What’s this running away bullshit going to achieve? You think I’ll just let you leave again? Sorry, darlin’. I’ve been there, we’ve been there, and look how that turned out. Ten fucking years of wasted time.”
“Just go away, Callum.” Her voice was muffled by the door.
“No. I won’t. This game you’re playing is wearing me out, but I’m not going anywhere.” I pressed my forehead against the door separating us.
Even with the door locked, the physical barrier felt easier to breach than the mental one we were engaged in. “I’m not trying to save you. Did you ever stop to think that maybe it’s the other way around? Please, Alina. Just open the door and talk to me.”
“I can’t,” came her reply, but the meaning behind those words was lost on me.
Was the door locked, and the handle had fallen off, trapping her inside? I was willing to break the door down if she’d just give me the word. Or maybe it was something else entirely. Did she no longer trust me enough to talk to me?
“You can’t what, baby?”
“I can’t stay, Callum.”
“I know. Please, just open the door. Let me see you.”
After a moment of silence between us, the door rattled, and the lock freed with a thud. In the space on the other side of the door stood Alina, her beautiful, kissable mouth turned down in a frown.
