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“Why what?” I wanted to be angry with him for his outburst. I wanted to tell him he was acting like a child, but I couldn’t do any of that because, well, I knew it was how I would have reacted. The fact that he stopped himself from leaving, I couldn’t have done that. I would have run with my tail between my legs, too frightened to get the answers I was owed.
“Why did my own brother decide it was such a good idea to keep this secret from me?” His shoulders slumped forward, and seeing him like that caused my heart to squeeze.
“Because I asked them not to tell you, Callum.” I stood still, cemented to the spot, as he took each step slowly and deliberately before coming to stand in front of me.
“I still don’t understand. Help me to understand, darlin’. You said no more secrets. I thought we were finally on the same page.”
“I didn’t just ask them not to tell you, but I asked them not to talk to me aboutyou.” I swallowed, trying to find the right words to take away the hurt so clear on his face. “I still loved you. The little pieces of me that had healed were still too fragile to even hear your name. I’m sorry you found out this way. I’m sorry it hurts you. I thought I… we… were doing the right thing."
“Alina.” Frustrated, he thrust his hands into the back pockets of his jeans. “I just needed to know you were okay.”
I placed my hands flat on his chest, and he removed his from his pockets, sliding them around my waist.
“When did you stop loving me, Alina?” The back of his knuckles brushed lightly against my cheek while his wild eyes searched mine.
“I…” I swallowed, his eyes dropping to the action of my throat before trailing back up to my face. “I don’t know if I ever did.”
“Then, what are we doing other than wasting time not being together?”
“It’s not that simple.”
“But it can be,” he pleaded.
If only I could be so easily convinced that it would be easy between us. If I could, then there would be a chance of having the future we intended as teenagers with him.
My faith had been stolen by the people in town and by a twist of fate, which led my mother to choose to leave this world behind.
“I’m still desperately in love with you, Alina. I accept you’re going to leave, so let me come with you.”
“You want to come with me back to the city? And then what?” My frustration was growing at the romanticized version he created of our happily ever after.
He was living in a fantasy world of what we could be—hearts and rainbows, lazy Sunday morning sleep-ins, and candlelit dinners were things of romance novels, not our reality. Ten long and painful years had passed, and there was no denying we were different people now, different from those kids we had been in the last life we knew each other.
“We’d figure it out.”
I sighed deeply before stepping away from his reach. His hands fell limp as his arms swung back to his sides. When he didn’t reach for me again, I felt conflicted. I wanted him to pull me back into his arms and promise me a future together, but reality had a bitter way of twisting what we wanted into something we could never expect.
“Alina, give me… giveusa chance over the next few weeks and let me show you what I already know our future could be together. Please.”
“And if it doesn’t work? What’s the out clause look like?” I asked, needing to know there was a plan for if it didn’t work, a promise to my heart that it would be protected if all hell broke loose.
“If it doesn’t work, then you go. I won’t come looking for you. I won’t try to contact you. It will be like we never even knew each other. You won’t ever hear from me again.”
It was his reassurance it would be the clean break I was looking for, yet I couldn’t understand why it felt so much like a knife twisting in my chest at hearing his words. Was I prepared for this, some sort of relationship with Callum or the alternative of never seeing or hearing from him again? There was no middle ground. It had to be all or nothing.
He watched me, hopeful. Judging by the confident grin growing across his face, he’d made me an offer I couldn’t refuse. He had hooked the fish and reeled it in.
What did I have to lose, other than my already fragile heart and a promise I’d made to myself about leaving here unscathed this time?
I sighed. “One chance and you have to keep your promise.”
“One is all we’re going to need, but I will.” He crossed his finger across his heart. “I promise, but no running either. Not from you until we know this is done. You need to promise too, to stick it out as long as it takes because it might not be easy. I’m not a fool to think it’s a fairy tale, Alina, but I have no doubt we can make it work. Okay?” He held out his finger to pinky swear with me, the gesture seeming a little ridiculous and entirely juvenile, but I linked mine with his all the same to bind our new pact.
“No running, I promise too.” I couldn’t help but feel like I was being naïve.
Maybe wishing wasn’t so indulgent after all. Maybe it was, in fact, a feeble attempt at convincing oneself they’re worthy.
ChapterThirty-Six
