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“I don’t expect I’ll ever get over the murder of my wife, Madison, but I do feel guilty. I feel responsible.” He stood and started pacing the length of the room, raking one hand and then the other to his already disheveled hair. “I should have listened when Ma told me to get her under control.”
The grief-ravaged face of my friend almost broke my heart, but it was time for some hard truths. “Uhm, sorry to tell you Cal, but that’s not how relationships work. You couldn’t have ordered her to do anything, especially if she was determined.”
I was pretty sure the horror and sadness in Cal’s face spoke to the battle raging between his heart and his brain. “No, I could have, Maddie. She loved me, and she would have listened if I’d spoken up. But I didn’t. Instead of being a man and protecting her, keeping her safe, I chose to keep the peace.”
“Considering all the tension between your wife and your family, I understand why.” I knew some serious hate-vibes existed between Bonnie and the Ashby women, and none of them had tried to hide it.
Cal stopped pacing and looked at me, eyes red and face splotchy from crying. “That’s my point. If I had put my foot down, there could have been peace for everyone, not just me.”
“Good point. But given everything she’d been through, don’t you think your mom and sister could have cut her a little slack?” I had a feeling that whatever Bonnie had been doing, she’d been trying to find a way to break free of the Ashby grip on her family.
“Yeah, and I’m so fucking pissed I can barely stand to look at them, Madison. But how does that help anything right now?”
“It means that you guys talk about family a lot, how important it is and all that jazz, but Bonnie was family, too. So what if she wasn’t blood? She was your family, the mother of your child, and she was hurting and no one came to her aid. If you failed her, so did everyone else.”
He let out a bitter laugh. “That’s still not helping, Madison.”
I shrugged. True, I thought, but no way I was going to let him take all the blame for her murder. “She’s dead, Cal. Nothing but a resurrection is going to help you feel better about that.”
“Vengeance. That’ll help.” Hate filled his gaze and every inch of his body, and I knew shit around here would get a lot worse before it got better.
“Shit, sometimes I wonder if I even loved her or if I just loved that she was so broken that she loved me back.”
“No.” I shook my head and stood, bouncing Ava Rose as she started to fuss. “It’s not the time to think like that. It’s not productive, and it’s not what this little girl needs. She’s too young to even remember Bonnie, and you owe it to her to remember the good things about her and pass it on. Little girls need that.”
“You’re right,” he sighed and dropped onto the nearest sofa, which happened to be next to a pack of cigarettes.
“Of course, I am. And stop smoking in front of the baby if you want her to be healthy.”
I glared at Cal until he put the cigarette back into the pack and dropped it on the end table.
“Thank you, Madison. You’ve been a good friend to me.”
I shrugged off his kind words, uneasy with the compliment. “We’re friends, Cal. What else was I gonna do? Leave you to drown in your sorrow? I know what that’s like.”
He stood and smiled at me, coming closer to cast a loving look down at Ava Rose, fighting sleep like the badass Ashby she’d become one day.
“Still,” he said, stroking his daughter’s cheek and giving her a sad smile. “I appreciate it.”
“No problem,” I told him simply. “I’m sorry about Bonnie.” I offered him a friendly hug because I had no one to hug, no one to hold me and offer sympathy when I stopped hearing from Molly. I’d been completely alone, and I remembered how bad it sucked.
“Thanks.” He leaned in, and too late, I realized he wasn’t going to return my hug. Instead, his lips pressed to mine and instantly, I stepped back with a frown.
“No, Calvin. Don’t do that.” I aimed an accusing finger at him, doing my best to keep my voice even but firm to let him know that was not a good idea.
He frowned, confusion written all over his face. “What? I thought we were connecting…or something.”
“We are. As friends, but if you really mean what you just said about our friendship, then don’t ever try to use me as a fuck toy to get over your grief. If you try it again, I’ll rip your balls clean off. Got it?”
