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“Do you?”
He nodded. “I do, but I just keep thinking of all the signs I missed or just brushed off because I was pissed at her.” He shook his head again and tugged at his hair. “She thought someone was following her, you know?”
I shrugged my shoulder because how in the hell would I know?
Bonnie treated me the way Kat treated her, like I was too insignificant to matter.
“Yeah. At first, I thought she was just being paranoid, but then one day she told me she thought she saw Thomas following her, which was weird because he doesn’t do that kind of work for the family. But that makes him the perfect tail, because who would expect a guy in a three-piece suit to be following them?”
I kept my mouth closed in regard to what Thomas did for the Ashby family. As far as I could tell, he was no different than Terry or Calvin or any of the other people around here doing whatever needed to be done to keep the family safe and rolling in the dough.
“Bonnie went to church that day, so I just kept driving, feeling good that she was somehow finding her way back to her faith after the death of Father Eric. That accusation cost her so much, Maddie. I was happy for her sake that she found a way back to church, if that’s what she wanted.”
Cal let out a bitter laugh and stepped out onto the balcony so he could spark up a cigarette. “Makes me pretty fucking stupid, huh?”
“Yeah,” I snorted sarcastically. “So fucking stupid to be happy for your wife who battled her way back from drug addiction and nearly died in the desert because she was finding a way to put it all behind her. To get her shit together. So stupid to want the woman you fell in love with back.”
As far as I could tell, Bonnie had her flaws, but she was a good woman who wanted to be a good mom and wife, something not all women aspire to.
Ava Rose and I stood just inside the living room watching Cal suck on his cigarette, the slight breeze on the balcony carrying away his smoke.
“I know and that’s all true. But if I’d been paying closer attention, I would have been there for her. She wanted to be a good mother to Ava and a good wife to me, but she was tired of the gangster shit. She wanted it to stop. She did stupid things like not coming down to Sunday dinner. She couldn’t stand how ruthless Sadie and Jasper were, but worse than that, how much they enjoyed the ruthlessness.”
Well that seemed pretty fucking stupid. “Was she operating under some misunderstanding that you weren’t a gangster when she met you?” I asked him—yes—incredulously.
“Right?” Cal’s eyes went wide and a small smile formed on his lips. “I reminded her that she knew exactly who we were, and she married me anyway. But she made the same mistake plenty of women do, thinking she could change me. Thinking that the baby would change me.”
“Didn’t she?”
“Oh hell, yeah, Ava changed me. She renewed my dedication to my family and to the Organization. I need to be all in with my family if I’m going to keep my girls safe. Bonnie didn’t understand that. She still wanted shit to be like the little girl, princess fairytale she dreamed of when she was little.”
Classic mistake, thinking she could change a man who didn’t want to change. “So you think she went behind your back to end the gangster shit?”
Cal nodded and stamped out his cigarette and tossed it in the trash can. “I don’t want to think that, but it’s the only conclusion I’m left with, Maddie. And when I combine that information with the annoying thoughts that my family knows more about her murder than they’re saying, I’m sure of it.”
“Don’t they just dole out information when they think it needs to be known?”
He nodded absently. His gaze fixed on some point in the distance.
“Yes, but this is different, dammit. This is my wife. My dead fucking wife and I deserve to know the truth.”
I didn’t bother to point out that maybe they were doing him a solid by keeping the truth from him because Calvin was in no position to hear it.
“Have you tried asking them?”
Cal barked out a laugh. “I did. But with the drinking and all the outbursts and the grief, they think I’m more unstable than I am, so they’re keeping me even more out of the loop than usual. I need answers, Maddie, and I’m going to get them. One way or another.”
“That sounds ominous as hell.”
“Good.”
“Dinner’s ready!” Maisie’s voice called up, and Calvin gave me a look that simply said I told ya so.
