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Liam pulls back and faces me. There’s a furrow on his brow and I know I made a mistake asking him. It’s written clear as day on his face. He doesn’t want to stay.
“Eva, I…”
“No,” I interrupt and get out from under his arm. “Forget I said anything. Just…”Fuck, I’m going to cry.“I can’t ask that of you.”
“It’s just…” He sits up, but he doesn’t meet my eye. “You want me to stay?”
“Yes.” No use trying to talk my way out of it. I do want him to stay. I want him to stay so badly it hurts. “But you don’t want that, and that’s okay.”
“Eva…”
“Don’t.” I get out of the bed and pull a shirt over my head and find my underwear under the nightstand. “Maybe we should just stop.”
“Don’t be upset.” He reaches for me, but I back up.
“I think you should leave,” I say quietly.
I wait for him to argue. I wait for him to hold me close and tell me that he wants what I want. He doesn’t. I just watch him get dressed and when he stops in front of me, unsure of how to say goodbye, I turn my face to the floor. I can’t watch him go. Not again. So I just hear his footsteps as he walks through my apartment. I hear the door open and close. I curse under my breath. I can’t think. Sinking down on the floor, I make a fist and pound it against my chest. The tears start running, and I curl in on myself. It happened. I knew it would, but at the same time I can’t quite believe it did.
He left. And I’m all alone again.
ChapterSeven
I throw myself into my new job. When I get home in the evenings, I’m so exhausted that I just fall into bed. Despite sleep calling, I stay awake. I haven’t heard from Liam since the day he walked out of my apartment, and I’m too scared to call him. He made it pretty clear that he isn’t interested in staying connected, and I don’t want to break all over again. So I stay away.
At least I have things to keep me busy. On the weekend, with two whole days to get dragged down without the escape of work, I decide to repaint my apartment. I buy buckets and buckets of paint, and I pull all my furniture to the center of the rooms. My living room gets a coat of a light blue color, and I paint the bedroom in a green that the salesperson said was supposed to be calming. I kind of think it looks like something you’d find in a hospital, but I cover my walls with it anyway. I barely even notice that the sun has gone down when I’m finished painting, and when I take a shower to wash the paint out of my hair, I almost fall asleep right there in the shower. My muscles are aching, but it feels good to finally be tired. I fall asleep on the couch in front of some crime show on the TV.
One day after work, I stop by the grocery store to pick up something for dinner. I’m on my way out when I hear someone calling my name. When I turn toward the voice, I see Amelia waving at me. I suppress a groan and walk over to her.
“Amelia,” I say. “It’s nice to see you again.”
“And you, dear Eva,” she says and pats me on the shoulder. “I have to say, it was so nice seeing Liam and you again. Just like old times.”
I swallow. She doesn’t know what we are, or what we aren’t. “Yeah, it was good seeing him again. I guess you’re going to miss him when he leaves in a couple of days.”
Amelia looks at me, a little bit taken aback. “In a couple of days?” she asks. “He left the other day, didn’t he tell you?”
He didn’t even stay with his mom for the remainder of his time here? He wanted to get away that bad? “Oh,“ I say. “No, he didn’t mention that.”
“I’m sure he’s just been busy. Said he had some things to take care of and needed to head back. I’ll see him again soon, I’m sure.” Amelia says. “I won’t hold you any longer, dear. Say hello to your parents for me, will you?”
I nod and walk to my car. As soon as I get behind the wheel, I start crying.Damn it. How did I end up here? I lived without him for fifteen years, and now I’m a mess after seeing each other for less than two weeks. Pathetic. I take a deep breath and start the car. I won’t cry any more. Iwon’t. I’m going to move on and live my best life. And if Liam doesn’t want to be a part of that, then that’s his loss. I just have to keep telling myself that.
* * *
I get a call from Joanna on Saturday afternoon. I haven’t seen my friend since that day Liam and I got coffee at her café, and it’s good to hear her voice.
“Come out for a drink with me tonight,” she says. “Martin has the kids and I really need todosomething. It’s been ages since we did something, you and me.”
I hesitate, not really in the mood to go to the only bar in town. It’s going to be packed with people and I’m not exactly feeling festive. But then I remember my promise to myself. To live my best life. “Okay,” I say. “I’m in.”
I pull on a pair of dark jeans and a purple top, swiping some mascara on my lashes. I run my fingers through my curls, and take a quick look in the mirror before meeting up with Joanna. Good enough.
She has her long hair in a high ponytail, dressed in a flowy red dress. As soon as she spots me, Joanna runs over and gives me a hug. Her good mood is contagious, maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea to come out with her.
“It’s so good to see you, Eva,” she says as she lets go of me. “Now, let’s go inside. First round’s on me.”
The bar is crowded but it’s still early, so we manage to get a table. Joanna orders us both a drink and asks me how I’ve been. I try to keep things upbeat, so I tell her all about my new job. At least that part of my life is good.
