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“Let’s go before I change my mind,” Marissa grumbles before storming towards the door and walking through it.
“Good luck,” Colt and Dolores say in unison.
“Thanks. I’m going to need it,” I respond as I feel everything click into place.
CHAPTERNINE
MARISSA
“We can take my pops’s truck.” Finn smiles as he places a hand on the small of my back, leading me toward the opposite side of the parking lot, away from my truck.
“No, thanks. I have to head home right after our lunch.” I step away from him, putting some much-needed space between us.
Can’t this guy take a hint? After holding him at gunpoint a few weeks ago in front of his parents’ house, you’d think he would know I’m not interested in having any type of relationship with him. Although I know deep down that it’s a load of bullshit.
I want Finn Buckley. I want him more than I’ve wanted anything in my life, but that scares the shit out of me. I’m a fucking mess, a basket case, someone broken almost beyond repair and not fit to be in any type of relationship. Being in a relationship with me will do nothing but cause us both a world of hurt. And I’ve been hurt enough by the opposite sex to last me a lifetime. I’m not about to put myself in that kind of situation again.
I’ve never been instantly attracted to a man the way I was to Finn. I have fun, then I say my goodbyes and never think of said fun again. The idea of possibly having something more with Finn is ridiculous. But when his lips pressed against mine that first night, all rational thought went out the window. I reach up and touch my lips, remembering his against mine. The way his body pressed against mine ignited a fire inside me I’d never felt before, even with Campbell.
“How about we walk?” He smiles down at me, shoving his hands into his pockets. “It’s a nice day today, and it’s only a few blocks from the diner.”
“The benefits of living in a small town,” I mumble softly before heading in that direction.
I don’t look at him. I can’t because I can’t bear to see that hurt look on his face at my rejection. This isn’t the first time I’ve pushed a guy away, and it won’t be the last. I’m doing this for both our sakes, and after this lunch, I can go back to ignoring him. It won’t be much longer until he gets the hint and finds someone else to turn his attention to. It’s what I want.
Then why do I have this sick feeling in my belly at just the thought of him speaking to someone else?
“I’ve always missed being able to walk almost anywhere I need.” The deep baritone in his voice soothes the ache in my heart as he steps beside me, bumping my shoulder. “It’s just lunch, sugar. I’m not asking you to run off to Vegas and marry me, okay?”
“That’s not what you were saying the other night at the bar.”
“Blame it on the alcohol.”
“Maybe we can blame the whole evening on the alcohol.”
“No. I can never come to regret spending one moment with you, Marissa.”
My head shoots up, locking eyes with his for the first time since we left the station. “You don’t mean that.”
“Lord, give me strength.” He sighs, tipping his head up toward the sky. “We need to get some facts straight. First, I don’t say things I don’t mean. If I tell you I’d love nothing more than to throw you over my shoulder, carry you back to your apartment like a caveman and show you have much I want you to belong to me, I mean it.”
I freeze, and my eyes widen in surprise as he takes a step closer to me, his scent enveloping me and drawing me closer to him. I would love nothing more than to give in to the urge to raise up on my toes and allow him to wrap me in his warm embrace and bury my nose in his chest.
“Second, I know you’ve been hurt. I have every intention of showing you I have more than just desire for you. I want everything.”
“How do you know I’ve been hurt? I haven’t seen you since you left town right after graduation.” I try to act nonchalant about it, but I know deep in my soul he’s right.
I never truly recovered from what Campbell did to me. I know there was nothing I could’ve done to stop him from finding someone else or even getting married in the future. But I’ve always wanted to know why. To know what I had done that made it so easy for him to give his heart to someone else. To give Emmeline the life he promised me.
In some respects, I wish he had cheated on me. Then everything that happened after our breakup would’ve made sense to me. I wouldn’t have spent years going over every interaction or conversation we had over the last few months of our relationship trying to find the reason. We were together for years. Getting married was the next step, but he couldn’t take that step with me.
“It’s your eyes,” Finn responds, cupping my cheek in this palm. “There’s a soul-deep sadness in them that seems to be engrained into your soul. You can see it in the way you move, the way your smile doesn’t always reach your eyes. I just want to be given a chance to show you how life could be, how happy you could be with me.”
Fuck me. No one besides Peyton knows how deeply what happened with Campbell has affected me, but he deduced what happened just by looking into my eyes. His words have stripped me bare, showing the deepest parts of my soul to a stranger, and that’s terrifying.
“Don’t be scared, sugar.” Finn leans forward, running his hand along my arm and threading his fingers through mine. “We will take it one step at a time.”
“Okay.” My breath hitches slightly as he leans forward and brushes his lips against mine.
