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I chuckle humorlessly as I continue backing away from her. “I love you more than life, but you need to decide if that’s enough.”
She reaches toward me, tears streaming down her face. I want nothing more than to run to her, scoop her into my arms, and promise never to make her feel this type of pain again, but I can’t. I need to know that she’s in this with me, that this all-consuming love I feel for her is bigger than family, than our jobs, than anything.
I stride toward her, unable to resist the pull I feel in case this is the last time I set eyes on her. “I’ll love you always.”
I plant a kiss on the top of her head before turning on my heels and striding toward the entrance of the bar. I don’t stop as I fling the front door to my place open and stride through it.
I don’t know where I can go to escape the pain that radiates through my body. I should’ve stayed, explained to her that I had already started the process of selling everything I own in Texas, that the only thing in life I need is her, and helped her decide. It would’ve been the easier choice, but if I did that, in the back of my mind, I’d always wonder if she really chose me or if I’d talked her into it.
I know from the few conversations we’ve had about her parents that family means the world to her, and the thought of disappointing them weighs heavily on the choices she’s made in life.
She went to a state university instead of going across the country like everyone else our age. It was probably to lessen the financial load on her parents. I always believed she joined the sheriff’s department because of her dad, wanting him to be proud of her for following in the family legacy, but I was completely wrong.
Marissa is still in Magnolia because she loves it here, because Magnolia is part of who she is as a person, and she can’t imagine starting a family and growing old anywhere else. She wants to be in Magnolia because this place is where she’s happiest, but what she doesn’t understand is that she is the reason for my happiness.
I’m not blowing smoke up her ass when I say I just need her to be happy. I want her to choose to marry me because she wants to. Marissa agreeing to be my wifewouldmake me happy beyond my wildest dreams, but she has to want that happiness with me, as well.
Maybe I was delusional to believe that Marissa was over her relationship with Campbell. He’s back in town and in the process of getting divorced. Maybe this is her way of letting me down easily instead of telling me the truth, that she really wants to have another shot at the life she planned for herself.
I take a seat at the bar, not bothering to turn on a light, just taking time to think about what my life could be like without Marissa in it. It’s only been a few minutes, but it feels like an eternity. Everything feels flat and lifeless now that things with the two of us are so up in the air. As far as I’m concerned, this isn’t the end between the two of us, but how things proceed is up to Marissa.
I’ve been telling her repeatedly that I’d do anything to be with her, and I mean it. I’ve already resigned my position with NASA, started planning on getting all my stuff shipped here, and have been checking into real estate here in Magnolia. But I didn’t tell her any of this. I didn’t want to frighten her way, but maybe that wasn’t the right thing to do.
She kept repeating that I was leaving, that I wouldn’t be satisfied with living in Magnolia for the rest of my life, but how could she doubt me? I’ve told her repeatedly how I felt about her, that I would do anything if it meant I could call her mine, and that wasn’t enough.
“Looks like things didn’t go very well since you’re here so early in the morning.” Nolan chuckles as he flicks on the lights.
I hiss, slamming my eyes shut while I wait for them to adjust. I can hear him walk past me, dropping his keys onto the top of the bar before grabbing a glass and slamming it on the counter.
“Coffee?” he questions.
I chuckle darkly, slowly opening my eyes. “I need something stronger than coffee at the moment.”
He gives me a sympathetic smile. “I have just the thing.”
He reaches under the bar, pulling out a bottle of our best single malt whiskey and two glasses.
“You hate whiskey.” I reach my hand toward him, gripping one glass in my hand and waiting for him to pour me a healthy amount.
Without hesitation, I throw the glass back, drinking down all its contents before holding my glass out for another.
“I think I can make an exception this time.” Nolan pours me another glass before filling his and placing the bottle on the table beside me. “What happened?”
He places a hand on my shoulder, giving it a small squeeze before striding toward the chair across from me and taking a seat.
“I told her I loved her. That I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.” My voice scratches against my throat from all the emotions clogging it.
“What did she say?”
I shake my head, unable to form the words. My heart feels like it’s been ripped out of my chest, and it’s only been a short amount of time. I won’t survive if Marissa pulls away from me again, or worse. Images of her and Campbell laughing happily fill my mind, but I banish them immediately.
“She didn’t say anything.” I take a large gulp from my glass, welcoming the burn as it slides down my throat and warms me from the inside out. “She had a panic attack and then told me to kick rocks.”
“Did she really say that, or are you being dramatic?”
“I’m not being dramatic, but she never said those specific words either.”
“Well, that’s a good sign, but what made you think that?”
