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I know I’m being selfish, but if I really love Marissa as much as I say, I need to show her. I need to make sure she understands that she is it for me, using both my words and actions. I don’t expect her to fall into my arms and agree to spend the rest of her life with me, but I need her to understand that is where my mind is headed. All she needs to do is spread her wings, take a leap of faith, and trust that I’ll be right there to catch her if she falls.
“The man must know what he wants.” Nolan chuckles as I shake my head, pushing away from him and wobbling slightly. All the whiskey I drank has gone straight to my head.
“Go grab a shower. Shelly will be here in a few hours. I’m sure she’ll have no problem taking you to the airport.”
I chuckle before wrapping my arm around his shoulder and pulling him to my side. “Thank you.”
“You can thank me with a raise.”
CHAPTERTWENTY-FOUR
MARISSA
Idon’t know how I make it into my SUV and all the way back to my apartment without getting into an accident. My emotions keep fluctuating between soul-crushing sobs and numbness. I keep waiting for Finn to reappear, but he doesn’t. What started out as an amazing morning with the promise of a happy ending has come crashing to the ground. Finn left me standing there in front of the bar to pick up the pieces of my broken heart, and I deserved it.
I wanted to push him away before he could hurt me, and it worked, but now I’m an empty husk of the person I was before Finn came back into my life. I thought my feelings for Campbell were the epitome of love, but they’re nothing compared to what I felt—no, feel—for Finn Buckley.
“I can’t believe this happened.” Tears pour down my face as I trudge up the stairs to my apartment, close the door tight behind me, and slide to the floor. “I just want the pain to stop.” I bury my face in my hands and sob, trying to make sense of the last few hours of my life.
Everything was perfect. I was wrapped in Finn’s arms, feeling safe. Loved. Protected. And in blissful ignorance of the pain I was about to cause the two of us. If I learned one thing from all of this, it’s that denying my feelings for Finn would never have been possible. I was setting myself up for failure. If I really didn’t want to feel this type of pain, I would’ve stayed as far away from him as possible, but my heart had found its other half.
“I should’ve known this would happen,” I whisper, pushing off the floor and padding toward the bathroom.
I tried to be careful and protect my heart from Finn, but he broke down all my defenses, worming his way into my heart and becoming a part of me. A part that will remain broken until the day I die. He promised to give me everything I ever wanted, but I was too afraid to take that leap of faith. But I knew in my heart I couldn’t let him give up everything he’s worked for. He’s worked too hard and been through too much to have to start all over again. Especially for someone like me.
I’m nothing special, I repeat in my mind as I turn on the water to the shower.
“If I don’t get in the shower soon, I know Colt will be banging on my door, demanding a reason for why I’m so late,” I mutter to myself as steam fills the small room.
The water warms up after a few minutes, and I climb in. I usually take my time in the shower, but after oversleeping and my emotional meltdown with Finn at Tallywackers this morning, I don’t have that kind of time.
After taking care of my morning routine, I dress in a Magnolia County Sheriff’s Department uniform and throw my hair up in a messy bun on the top of my head. I can feel another sob of pain bubbling up in my chest, threatening to escape from my mouth as I walk back into the kitchen, noticing a travel container with muffins sitting on the counter. I stride toward them, plucking a note off the top.
Takes to the station to welcome your new recruit. My muffins will make a great first impression
-Mom
I’ve never been so thankful for my mother’s meddling. This is the prefect distraction for my lateness and will keep everyone focused on something other than my red, puffy eyes from crying.
Everything was perfect a few days ago. Before I let my fear of being abandoned impede my happiness. Pain beyond anything I could have imagined rips through my body with each movement as I pray things will get easier with time.
Finn chose me over everyone else, and he wanted me to do the same, but I said nothing. I’m lost in my own battle between following my heart and listening to the voice in the back of my head telling me he’s just like everyone else. I know in my heart that Finn would do anything to make me happy, but is he willing to give up everything he’s worked for to move back here with me? Am I selfish enough to ask him to do that?
I move on autopilot, grabbing the tray of muffins off the table, along with my keys, and head down to my SUV. Somehow, I point my SUV toward the station a few blocks away from my place. It only takes a few minutes before I’m pulling into the parking lot, noticing Campbell’s old pickup truck parked in the visitors’ spot.
I’d know that truck anywhere. We spent so many nights talking about our future in the truck bed, dreaming about what life would be like when we finally graduated from high school. For some reason, he didn’t take it with him when he left, but his dad kept it under a tarp in their driveway, taking it for routine maintenance and driving it around every once in a while just to keep it in tip-top shape.
“Shit,” I drop my forehead to my steering wheel and try to breathe through the swirls of anger and pain coursing through my body. “There’s no way this can be happening to me. Maybe he’s just here to file a police report.”
I list a million different reasons in my mind for his truck being parked in front of the station, but deep down, I know why he’s here. I remember his mom saying that Campbell had been working as a police officer since graduation. His irregular schedule must have been one of the main reasons he needed to come back to Magnolia. It makes perfect sense that he’d want to get a job here, but man, do I really hope I’m wrong.
I was aware the recruit was showing up at the station this morning, but no one mentioned to me it was going to be Campbell. Colt knows better than anyone how devastated I was when Campbell and Emmeline got married. Would Colt just spring this on me with no warning?
“I don’t fucking need this today,” I grumble as I climb out, leaving everything inside my SUV and storming toward the door.
I would love nothing more than to run into the station and give Campbell a piece of my mind. To let loose the rage bubbling to the surface, blaming him for everything that has happened between Finn and me, but I know deep down it’s not his fault. He broke my heart into a million pieces, but the fear I feel is all my own.
“Before you get your ass on your shoulders, I wanted to tell you he’d be here.” Dolores holds her hands up in surrender as I come storming toward her.
