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I attempt to get up but immediately fall back into my chair as I wait for the room to stop spinning. Lunch with Peyton turned into dinner. Dinner turned into drinks. Drinks turned into full-blown wasted as I cried my eyes out over the boy who left me. Pathetic, right? I mean, I knew this was going to happen. I tried to prepare my heart for this very outcome, but it still hurts worse than anything I could imagine. I spend my nights lying awake, not wanting to close my eyes because I’ll be transported back to that night. The night my life changed forever.
I tried to pretend that nothing had happened for the last few weeks, that my world wasn’t slowly crumbling around me, but I’m sure everyone noticed. I know for a fact that my mother has. She even commented the other day at dinner about my obsessive need to check my phone. And she isn’t wrong. I couldn’t even focus on the briefing Colt was giving the other day because I was afraid I’d miss a call or text from Finn.
The feeling is 100 percent irrational because he hasn’t called me once since he snuck out of town after our last night together. I know what you’re thinking. Sure, I could text him, but what could I say to him that didn’t sound pathetic? I find myself pulling up his number so many times, trying to find the words to explain how I was feeling, but I never make the call. I keep telling myself that if he wanted me, he would’ve stayed. But that still doesn’t stop me from spending most of the day checking my phone, waiting to hear something, anything, from Finn.
Speaking of phone calls, my phone buzzes along the top of my desk a few times before I can grab it to check the caller ID, hoping it’s Finn, but it’s my mother.
“Hey, Momma. Do you need me to grab the donuts for Sunday school when I’m on my way over for service?”
“That’s exactly why I’m calling, sweetheart. But I don’t want you and Campbell to be late.”
“How the heck did you know Campbell was even here?”
“His mother, dear,” she responds nonchalantly.
“Of course, that’s how you found out,” I respond, checking my watch for the time. If we get moving in the next half hour, we can easily grab them. “It won’t be a problem. I can just text Peyton and let her know when we are on the way. She’ll have Katie run them out to the SUV for me.”
“That’s so sweet of her.”
We sit in silence for a few minutes. I learned a long time ago that she has to be the one to end the call, not me. The last thing I want is a lecture about my manners and respecting elders.
“Momma, is there anything else?”
“Yes.”
I wait a few minutes for her to say more, but she doesn’t speak. My heart picks up as I begin to panic. Campbell is already back in town. Sutton is more than likely snuggled in bed with my boss—her new fiancé. So, there is only one other thing my mom wants to tell me.
“Finn is back in town.”
I gasp softly, rubbing the spot on my chest over my heart. Just the mention of his name sends my world into another tailspin. I want to find him and give him a piece of my mind. Demand an explanation for why he disappeared after I laid my heart on the line. I fooled myself into believing that he meant every word he promised about never leaving me, but I was wrong.
“Oh,” I respond as my mind spins, trying to make sense of what’s happening.
Unimaginable pain shoots through my body at the idea of seeing Finn again, but I need to be stronger to keep my heart safe. We may live in a small town, but I can avoid him. Maybe. I collapse to the floor as the frayed edges of my heart rip open for the second time today.
“Sweetheart. Are you there?”
“I’m here, Momma.” Tears pool in my eyes as all the emotions I’ve been trying desperately to keep in check come bubbling to the surface. “I just don’t know what to do.”
“Oh, honey.” Her voice softens as the last remnants of my control disappear.
My heart constricts in my chest as the expectations of everyone come crashing down around me. I gasp for air as sadness unlike anything I’ve ever felt overtakes me.
“I love him so much.” Tears pour down my cheeks as the weight of my feelings hit me.
I clutch the phone tightly, biting down on my hand, hoping to quiet the sobs bubbling from my throat. My heart feels as if it’s breaking in two. I want nothing more than to rush out of the station and beg Finn to bind us together in every way possible, but this is the real world. If he wanted me, he would have fought for me, or at least picked up the phone to explain why he was leaving Magnolia. But he made his choice. Sure, Finn is back in town, but for long? My mom didn’t say anything about home moving here permanently. Nothing has changed. No matter how I feel about him, I have responsibilities here in Magnolia. My family is here. I’ve put down roots. I’m not about to uproot my entire life and go running to someone who may very well want nothing to do with me.
Searing pain flows through my entire body as waves of agony pull me under. I’m just praying that I can hold on for just a little longer until the pain subsides. I yearn for numbness to cut me off from all these feelings that I’m so desperate to forget.
“Make it stop,” I whine, wrapping my arms around my waist and attempting to hold myself together. “I just want the pain to stop.”
“I wish I could.” She pauses, and a pregnant silence remains on the line before she breaks it.
“Are you going to be okay, or do your father and I need to come down to the station?”
Just the idea of them coming here makes me giggle. “No need. I’ll be all right. I just need to get my emotions back under control.”
“I have a feeling that’s your problem, sweetheart. You keep your feelings bottled up and hidden away from the people you care about.”
