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“What are you talking about?” Ben scowled.
He would believe me, or he wouldn’t, but I wasn’t going to remain silent on this issue any longer. I rolled my eyes heavenward. “Ben, Evan wasn’t remotely faithful, not even at the start of our relationship. He wasn’t a man built for committing to one woman. And while I cared about him, and yes, even loved him, I knew he was not the long-haul guy. Besides, he met his second wife not long after our botched proposal. In the end, it worked out the way it was supposed to.”
“Paige was good for him.”
I snorted. The poor fool honestly believed Evan was this paragon. Like the cheating stopped just because he got married. “Did you know he continued showing up on my doorstep after they got hitched?”
“He what? I thought…” Realization dawned in his eyes that Evan made me his mistress.
I steamrolled right over his surprise. “I was Evan’s warm fuzzy blanket. He’d show up for a few days. And yeah, I would sleep with him, even once he was married. It was our thing. It was the way our relationship, and I use that term loosely, happened.”
“I can’t believe he didn’t say anything to me.” I hated that I felt sorry for him and the hurt I spied. He hid it well. But I noticed the flash of sorrow.
“He probably didn’t want it to get back to Paige. Besides, he told me you were a boy scout. Always making sure everyone did the right thing. Seeing me after he took vows with another woman was something he kept from you to protect you, I’m thinking.”
Ben cocked his head, studying me like he’d never seen me before. “You might be right about that.”
“Well, I’m heading to bed.” I brushed past him, glad I had said my piece.
“Moira.” Ben murmured my name in that growly voice that made it sound like a curse. And I didn’t know why, but it sent heated flutters down my spine and curled in my loins.
“Yes,” I sighed and swiveled on my heel, facing him. I wanted to soothe the hurt my truth caused. But knew there was nothing I could do about it. He had to come around on his own.
“He did love you. You might not think that he did, given his track record. But he loved you and was sincere in his desire to marry you. You were one of the people he cared for most in this world, or he never would have written that letter. You know that about him. So read the damn thing, will you?”
“I’ll think about it.” And then I did something dumb. Something I couldn’t take back. I wasn’t sure what came over me. All I knew was that it was late. And his sorrow beckoned me. I went up onto my tiptoes. My hands gripped his shoulders as I brushed my lips over his cheek. “Goodnight, Ben.”
His scent surrounded me. It was earthy and male, and it left me quivering as I retreated.
Ben caught my face between his hands. His eyes blazed as he stared at my lips like a starving man. I needed to pull away. I should yell at him. Ask what the hell he thought he was doing as he lowered his lips to mine.
But I would be lying if I said I wasn’t curious about what his lips would taste like or how they would feel on mine.
I closed my eyes at the last second as he sealed his lips over mine.
At first contact, I leaned into him. Because his mouth—oh god, his mouth—ignited a torrid desire. And I kissed him back. His firm lips were softer than silk and set my entire body aflame.
I wasn’t a nun by any stretch of the imagination.
But I had never been kissed like this, as if he wanted to devour me whole. He angled my head, directing the kiss, assuming command, and took the kiss infinitely deeper. His tongue swept inside to tangle and dance with mine.
A singular truth slammed into me.
I wanted Ben.
And I wanted him badly.
But it would be wrong. Perhaps it was the forbidden nature of the kiss that made it so hot. But I knew if I allowed it to progress and invited him into my bed, I would regret it. Not because I didn’t want him, but because Ben would hate himself. And in the end, he would blame me. I knew him well enough to understand that fact.
I tore my mouth away and shoved at his impressive chest.
Ben released me.
We stared. A powder keg waiting for a single spark to reignite and blow all my good intentions out of the water. If I let him touch me again, I would cave. Because it had been years since I was this attracted to a man.
And he felt so damn good, he made me ache. My entire body throbbed in unrequited need I could do nothing to relieve without having serious regrets come morning.
He opened his mouth to speak.
