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James and her pup were bonding. Aiden leaned back in his seat with his left foot resting on his knee. Lucas was looking at his phone. And Wyatt was somber and serene, as if he didn’t have a care in the world.
“Here we go.” Moira bustled in with a tray with a pitcher of iced tea and glasses filled with ice. She laid it on the coffee table. “Who’d like a glass of tea?”
“That’d be real nice after our drive,” James said with a charming smile that made me want to murder him.
“You just like inviting men you don’t know into your home?” I couldn’t keep the venom from my voice.
Moira cast a blasé stare in my direction. “But I do know you, so there’s no problem—unless you make one.”
“How?” During the years that Evan dated Moira, I never met the woman. I’d heard all about her and had seen pictures of her. But this was the first time we breathed the same air.
And it felt like I was drowning. I’d never met a woman and felt as if all the air had been sucked out of a room. Yes, she was gorgeous both in face and figure, but it was more than that.
Moira had this presence that walloped me. It was the difference between a ship moving through calm waters versus a hurricane. In this instance, she was the hurricane.
“Evan showed me pictures and talked about you guys all the time. He always said y’all were his brothers from another mother. That’s how I know that’s Wyatt, your indomitable leader, and Lucas, Aiden, and James. And that you’re Ben, his best friend.”
The emotions in her eyes told a story. Perhaps she wasn’t as impartial as she appeared on the surface. I didn’t know how to feel about her feelings now that I was confronted by them. If she loved him, why the hell did she turn down his proposal? Why wouldn’t she want to marry him? Did she not know how much that event altered Evan?
I swallowed my derision. She could have slammed the door in our faces. Instead, she invited us in and offered refreshments. For all my aversion to her, she couldn’t be all that bad.
“I’d appreciate a glass of tea.” I extended an olive branch. Not because I forgave her. I didn’t know if I had it in me to forgive her. She’d broken my best friend’s heart. When Evan asked her to marry him, she’d said no. And it had wrecked something in Evan. From that point forward, he hadn’t been the same guy.
It left me wondering if that event set him on the path that led to him taking his own life. Compounded by everything our squad had seen and done, it had combined into a trifecta that shoved him over the razor’s edge. Evan’s suicide had been premeditated.
How long had he been planning it?
Grief swarmed me. This loss was a visceral ache that stole the breath from my lungs. I shouldn’t be here. This was all wrong. Evan should be here to deliver this letter himself.
No one understood the true toll of being in the military, special forces in particular, except those of us in it. By the time you complete your first deployment, you’re not the same person. And that’s if you complete the tour and don’t wind up bleeding out in some godforsaken hellhole.
But people who haven’t served didn’t understand the true cost. The freedom we have in this country wasn’t free. It comes at a price that our servicemen and women pay. We bear the burden so that others may live in freedom. But each of us had been forced to do things to survive that have left scars on our souls.
Some images and experiences were burned into my memory banks, to be taken out and replayed at my lowest points. Sometimes when I least expect it.
I accepted the glass of tea from her. My fingers brushed hers for five seconds, tops. The connection was like coming into contact with a downed electrical wire. I sucked in a ragged breath.
What the fuck was that? My skin still buzzed from where we touched. Why was I experiencing this reaction withher,of all people?
“Thank you,” I replied with a tight smile.
“Sure thing.” Moira didn’t pay further attention to me. Her focus was directed toward the others as she handed out glasses of iced tea. She was acting the part of the genteel, southern woman in her hosting duties. So much so that she had even added a plate of delicious-looking peanut butter cookies on the tray. I refused to take any, but Aiden and James had no such problems. James even groaned when he took a bite of the cookie.
When she was done playing hostess, Moira sat like a queen on her throne on the chair by the fireplace. “Not that I’m not happy that I’m finally getting to meet you after all these years, but y’all are a long way from home. What can I do for you boys?”
The tea was sweet and refreshing, washing the road off my tongue. As the unanointed spokesperson for the group, I pulled out the sealed envelope with her name and address scrawled in Evan’s chicken scratch.
“We’re here because Evan asked us to bring you this.” I held the letter for her to take. And I was shocked by the sense of loss that swamped me. Once I gave her this, I was losing one of the last remnants of my best friend. It didn’t seem real that we were even having this conversation. But this was as real as it got.
Moira glanced at the letter with confusion dotting her brow. “What is it?”
“It’s from Evan. His last wishes were that we bring this to you and ensure you read it.”
Shock widened her eyes. She stared at the envelope, hesitating before she finally took it. “Thanks, I guess. It was a long way for you guys to drive just to deliver this.”
She tucked the letter against her lap but made no move to open it.
“Evan wanted us to make sure you read the letter before we go,” I explained, wanting to get this show on the road.
