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KENNEDY
Hi Liam,
I’ve written a hundred different emails explaining what happened, and I deleted every one of them. I can tell you the facts, but there’s nothing I can do to make you understand how scared and alone I felt when I found out my parents had died and I was suddenly guardian to four children. It was as if I’d been treading water for days, and at any moment I might sink beneath the surface. I didn’t want to drag you into the deep end with me.
Love,
K xx
I feltas though every one of my nerves had been rubbed raw, and now Liam wanted to smother them with salt.
I didn’t need him to hammer the point home. I already got it. All of my dreams of a big reconciliation had been just that: dreams.
But then, I owed him the truth, didn’t I? Even if it didn’t change things, he deserved to know why I’d done what I had so he could finally see that it had nothing to do with him.
“You really want to know?” I asked. “If I start talking, you’re not going to leave halfway through?” Because I wasn’t sure I could handle that.
“I’ll stay until you’re finished,” he confirmed.
“Okay.” I stood and went to the kitchen where I filled a glass with water, then another. One for myself and one for him. I passed him the extra and sat down, cradling my glass between my palms. My mouth was dry, so I took a sip. “When I returned to Los Angeles, I had every intention of coming back here as planned. I’d almost finished organizing everything.” His eyebrows drew together, and I could see he wanted to say something, but I held up a hand, hoping he’d give me time to get through the full story. “But then Mom and Malcolm were in a car accident. They died.”
“What?” His face twisted in a combination of shock and disbelief. “You mean, while you were getting ready to come back?”
“Yeah.”
“You never mentioned it.” He looked like I’d slapped him. “I’d have remembered that.”
“It happened while I was sorting out the last few things.” I sipped the water again, more for something to do than because I was thirsty.
“Is that why you fell off the radar for so long before you ended our relationship?”
I nodded. “I didn’t know what to say, or how to tell you. And everything was crazy. I had to arrange their funerals, sort out the will. Then there were the kids to consider. They were old enough to understand but young enough that they’d never imagined they might have to live without their parents.”
He shook his head. “I wish I’d known.” His hands clenched at his sides. “I wish I could have been there for you. That must have been hard on you, especially after you’d already lost your dad.”
“It wasn’t easy.” I set my drink on the floor and wedged my hands beneath my thighs. They were trembling badly, and I’d prefer he not see that. “Mom and Malcolm had been intending to update their wills, but they hadn’t gotten around to it.” I drew in a slow breath and allowed it to flow out between my lips. “We didn’t have any close relatives, so I became their legal guardian.”
“You what?” He blinked rapidly, clearly taken aback.
“If I didn’t take them, they’d have either gone to a distant relative they’d never met or into the foster care system. I didn’t want that for them. Things would be difficult enough without having to leave home, their school, and live in a situation I couldn’t be sure was safe. So I stepped up.”
A muscle ticked in Liam’s jaw. He looked much like I’d felt at the time. Confused, sad, and a little angry. “So, you’re telling me that you became the legal guardian of your siblings?”
“I did.”
Emotion flashed in his midnight blue eyes. “When did you find that out?”
“Pretty soon after their deaths. But we finalized the arrangements the day I broke up with you.”
He pressed his lips together. I couldn’t read him. Had no idea what was going on in his head. “I could have helped you. I would have flown over to be there for you.”
A rock sank to the bottom of my stomach. “Yeah, you could have. But I’d already decided I couldn’t move them halfway around the world after what they’d been through. I knew how you felt about L.A. and that you never wanted to leave Destiny Falls. My plans were already in shreds, and I didn’t want to ruin your life by asking you to come be with me.” I chewed my lip. “I knew you might feel obligated, and then you’d be miserable and resent me.” Tears burned in my eyes. I blinked them back. “I couldn’t be selfish like that.”
I pulled one of my hands out from beneath my thighs and swiped my hair away from my face. “In hindsight, I wish I’d handled things differently, but I was still a teenager, and I was suddenly in charge of four children. I did the best I could at the time, and I’m sorry for hurting you. I’ve always regretted that. I went about things wrong, and I’ve been sorry for it ever since.”
When I stopped talking, Liam seemed to be processing my words. I stayed quiet, even if it was killing me not to know what he was thinking. Eventually, he seemed to arrive at a conclusion.
“I can’t imagine how lost and alone you must have felt,” he said slowly and carefully. “But you shouldn’t have made the decision for me. You should have given me the opportunity to decide for myself what I wanted to do. If I’d gone over there to be with you and ended up unhappy, that would have been on my shoulders, not yours.”
