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GRACE
Ryanand I cooked together as smoothly as we used to. Both of us enjoyed being in the kitchen, and we had complementary strengths. I was better at baking, and he was the master of meats. Together, we created a delicious ravioli meal and then shared a bottle of wine while we ate. When we’d finished, we gorged on a dark chocolate tart and sprawled on the soft rug in front of the fire. My house had a great central heating system, but I still liked to light the fire for cozy nights in. Electronically generated heat simply couldn’t compare to the warmth of a log fire.
“I’m sorry if I caused any issues between you and Nate,” Ryan said as we nursed glasses of wine. “That wasn’t my intention.”
“I know.” I gazed at him, noting the concern in his gemstone-green eyes. “You didn’t. Any issues are because of me holding back when I shouldn’t have, not because of you. I should have told him the truth years ago, but I didn’t know how, and then when I got the chance, I took the easy way out.”
“I don’t blame you.” He patted the floor and Duke trotted over and snuggled next to him. “Nate is full-on. I can see why you needed to get away from him for a while.”
I winced. “It wasn’t that.”
He rolled his eyes. “I know, Grace. Of all the people in the world, you know I understand how it feels to watch the person you love marry someone else.”
“I wish I could take away the pain for you.” I patted the puppy, focusing my attention on his furry head instead of on Ryan, who I knew would be trying to school his expression.
“I know you do, honey.” His voice was gruff, and he stretched over to kiss my cheek. “For what it’s worth, I’m not certain your feelings are as one-sided as you think.”
I laughed. “Sure.”
“No, really.” He sounded sincere, and when I glanced at him, I saw nothing but truth on his face.
I shook my head. “Don’t you think that if Nate felt anything for me other than friendship, I’d have figured it out by now? I’ve spent years analyzing everything he says and does for the slightest hint he might want me back. All he sees me as is his best friend. Trust me.” That being said, I’d never given him the ultimate test and told him about Ryan while we were actually together. I squirmed at the thought.
“Hey.” He paused in cuddling Duke, his eyebrows knitting together. “Listen. I know you’ve been telling yourself that for years, but he was very territorial about you for someone who’s just a friend, and he spent a lot of time watching us together. I think he was trying to figure out if there’s still something between us and whether he needs to feel threatened.”
The tiniest prick of hope spiked in my chest. I tried to shut it down as quickly as it arose because hoping against the odds would accomplish nothing but getting me hurt. “You’re being ridiculous.”
“I’m not,” he insisted. “You’re too close to this. You can’t see what I do. That man was worried I’d take you away from him.”
“No.” My voice shook. “He’s just protective. That’s all.”
Seeming to notice my distress, Ryan nodded and didn’t say anything for a while. He sipped his wine, then set it down far enough away that Duke wouldn’t knock it over with his tail, and rolled the puppy onto his back. He rubbed Duke’s belly, winking at me when he snuffled happily. After a while, Ryan eased away, and before much longer, Duke dozed off, the light from the fire playing over his fur.
“Nisha is pregnant,” Ryan said out of nowhere.
I swallowed, my throat suddenly dry. Sympathy for him throbbed in my chest. Nisha was his best friend’s wife. The woman he’d loved for nearly as long as I’d loved Nate. I closed my eyes, understanding how much he must be hurting. I’d been through something similar when I’d discovered Maddy was pregnant and that Nate planned to marry her. It hadn’t been intentional—on his part, at least. It had crossed my mind that Maddy might have “forgotten” to take her contraceptive pill in order to lock him down. There was just something about the way she’d looked at me so smugly when they’d announced they were expecting.
I’d met Ryan a week after the wedding ceremony. I’d been drowning my sorrows in an Auckland bar, and he’d been half pissed and telling the bartender all about his doomed love for the woman his best friend had proposed to. I’d listened, fascinated by his story and for once feeling as though I wasn’t alone. Before I knew it, we were drinking together, sharing our woes, and a few days later, we were married ourselves. But getting married hadn’t solved the problem. It had been like putting a Band-Aid on a knife wound.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, reaching over to take his hand and squeezing it so he knew he had my support. No wonder he’d felt the need to visit me. To escape from his life. I couldn’t even tell him it would get better, because I wasn’t sure that was true. One day the pain might fade to a dull ache, but it might not ever leave entirely. “You’re welcome to stay here for as long as you need.”
It was all I could offer. A place to gather himself and figure out what to do next. Logically, he knew Nisha was unavailable to him whether she was pregnant or not—she was married to his best friend, after all—but this must feel like another nail in his emotional coffin.
He let out a sharp breath. “Thanks, but I’ll just stay for the week. Any longer and I might not want to go back.”
“That would be okay too. I have room here for you, and there isn’t a local tattoo artist. If you set up shop, I bet you’d get plenty of customers from the tourists passing through.”
His lips pursed. “Don’t tempt me. My life is back in Auckland. But I might visit again if that’s okay?”
I tangled my fingers with his. “Any time. You’ve always got a place here.”
8
GRACE
I shiftedpapers on my office desk, searching for the lilac-colored notebook I used to scribble my ideas for stories and random thoughts I had late at night. It didn’t appear to be there, so I checked the desk drawers. Finding them empty, I strolled through the house, scanning the cupboards and tables, wondering where I might have left it. I often carried the notebook around with me, which meant it could be anywhere—although I could have sworn it had been next to my laptop when I turned it off yesterday. Hopefully, Ryan hadn’t taken it to his room to snoop, or I’d have to wake him up to retrieve it.
“Alice!” I called, hearing footsteps in the hall. “Is that you?”
