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Maddy rolled her eyes. “She had the biggest crush on you. It was obvious to everyone else, but I figured you weren’t interested in her or else you would have noticed, so I went ahead and made a move.”
“She did?” Grace had said she’d had feelings for me for a while, but why would she keep something that big from me? Then the rest of Maddy’s story sank in, and I clenched my fists. “What did you say to her?”
She shrugged. “I didn’t need to say much. I was in your room, naked apart from your shirt. I just told her to go before she embarrassed herself, and I took the lemon drops. I figured they weren’t going to do her any good, so I may as well take advantage of them.”
My teeth gritted. “I remember,” I ground out. “When I came back from the shower, you offered me one.” I’d thought it was sweet that she’d paid attention to what I liked.
I turned away from her and stared through the windshield, emotions roiling inside me. Anger heated my gut, but I didn’t know who I was angry with. I felt as if I’d been robbed of years I could have spent with Grace, but I’d been the one who decided not to pursue her. The night she’d come over, Maddy and I had just had sex for the first time. We’d both been virgins. Of course Maddy wouldn’t have thought I’d wanted Grace to ask me out. I’d been with her. It would’ve been pretty damned insulting and unfair if I’d slept with Maddy and then moved on before the sweat had even dried on our skin. But it would have been nice to know that this had happened. Perhaps then I would have understood Maddy’s dislike of my best friend.
And Grace….
Poor Grace. I couldn’t imagine how she must have felt. She’d wanted to ask me out and finally worked up the courage to do so only to discover I was seeing someone else in a way that must have shocked and hurt her. My stomach cramped. How many times had I unwittingly hurt Grace over the years? And Maddy. I’d inflicted emotional wounds on both women. I didn’t deserve either of them.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
She cocked her head. “I thought you’d be angry.”
I buried my face in my hands and growled, then dropped them onto my lap. “I don’t know what I am. I just know that I hurt you, and I hurt Grace, and I didn’t mean for any of it to happen. But at the same time, I can’t regret anything. We may not have been the best fit for each other, but we had Tess, and she’s the most important thing in my life. I’d never wish her away. But I wasn’t the husband you needed, and I regret that. I wasn’t there for Grace when she needed me, and I regret that too.”
Hesitantly, Maddy laid her hand on my shoulder. “You and I were a mess together, but I’ve made peace with it, and I’m happy with how things turned out. I’m sorry I said cruel things to you during the divorce. You weren’t a bad husband, just not the right one for me. I don’t want you to beat yourself up over the past, and I’m sure Grace doesn’t either. Just do the best you can for the future.”
I forced a smile. “You’re right. Thanks, Mads.” I patted her hand. “Sorry about tonight. I’d better go home before Grace wonders where I am.”
51
GRACE
When Nate arrived home,Kennedy—who’d been keeping me company so I wasn’t alone—gave me a bone-crushing hug and left. It had been nice to spend more time with her, knowing that she would be able to understand better than anyone else what it felt like to have Darrel Weich come out of the woodwork once again. I’d confessed my fears to her, and she’d listened and sympathized, then made me promise both to do whatever the police suggested and to call her whenever I needed to talk again. Even though being with her hadn’t improved my current situation, I felt lighter as I waved her goodbye.
After Nate had changed out of his work clothes, I offered him a curry I’d made for dinner, and he joined me to eat, but his mind seemed to be a million miles away. He was distant, and I caught him frowning into space more times than I could count. Eventually, I couldn’t handle the brooding silence any longer.
“What’s wrong?” I asked gently. “Is it about the call from Ryan?”
He shook his head, then waved his hand back and forth. “A little, but not really.”
“Then what? I can tell something’s on your mind. Talk to me.”
He set his cutlery down and pushed his plate away. “I don’t know why you want to be with me.”
My eyebrows drew together. “You’re a good person. You’re loyal, and when you care for someone, you care fiercely. You’ve stood by me any time I needed you.”
“But I haven’t.” He grimaced. “The times you’ve needed me most, I wasn’t there. Even if I was physically present, I didn’t pay enough attention to you.”
My frown deepened. “Where is this coming from?”
He pressed his lips together. “I’ve been thinking it over for a while. Each time I learn something new about you—something I overlooked or that you felt you had to hide—it reminds me that I let you down. Tonight, I talked to Maddy, and she made me aware of something else I didn’t know.’
My arms felt shaky, and when I glanced down, my fingers were trembling around my knife and fork. I set them aside before Nate could notice. “About?”
From the way he’d said it, I was afraid I knew the answer. She’d told him about what happened our senior year. My chest ached and my breaths seemed to come in shallow gasps. Would he be upset? Angry?
He looked at me. “You know what, Grace.”
Just Grace. Not Gracie. Did it mean anything?
I intertwined my fingers on my lap. “What do you want me to say?”
“I don’t know,” he growled. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
