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I stared at Nate,taken aback.
“How could he not love you?” he demanded. “He was fucking lucky to have you. You’re the kindest person I know and beautiful too. So damned clever. What sort of moron could be married to you and not fall ass-over-heels in love?”
He shook his head as if even considering the possibility stumped him. Meanwhile, I struggled to hold myself together. Nate had no idea how bittersweet this moment was for me. He was saying things I’d longed to hear, but he didn’t seem to realize the irony of the situation.
“He could never find a better woman,” he added, sounding offended on my behalf.
I didn’t know whether to cry or laugh. A strange sort of half sob emerged from my throat instead.
“Hey, now.” He cuddled me closer. “Don’t be upset just because your ex is stupid.”
“He isn’t,” I protested, knowing he wouldn’t pay attention. “Some people aren’t meant for each other. He’ll find his person, and so will I.”
I hoped. Of course, there was always a chance I’d already found him but landed myself squarely in the friend zone through two years of inaction followed by more than a decade of hiding my feelings and digging myself into a deep hole of secrets and omissions.
“Any man would be lucky to have you.” His tone was gruff. He wasn’t one for talking about emotions, and this evening had been an emotional disaster.
I breathed slowly, trying to ease the tightness in my chest. Nate meant well, but Ryan wasn’t the only man who’d seen me as a friend rather than a woman to treasure romantically. The thing was, even though I’d been married to Ryan, Nate’s oversight hurt far worse. I’d always known where Ryan’s heart lay. With Nate, I’d allowed myself to hope, only to watch his on-and-off relationship with Maddy finally escalate into marriage when she fell pregnant. The hope had never quite disappeared, but I’d forced myself not to act on it, afraid of how devastating it could be if I did. If he’d officially shot me down, I’d have been heartbroken, and if he hadn’t, I’d have been a homewrecker.
“Thanks,” I murmured, disentangling myself from him. I liked being held by him, but it made it difficult to remember reality. I needed to get my head on straight. “I’m sorry I never told you. We did it impulsively. You were busy with your own life, and I thought I’d wait until we settled down to mention it, but then I didn’t know how to raise the subject. When we decided to divorce, I couldn’t confide in you, since I’d never told you about the marriage in the first place. It felt like this pit of deceit I couldn’t get out of.” I sounded as miserable and sorry as I felt.
His lips pursed. He stayed silent for a long moment, then released a whoosh of breath. “I can’t say I get it, because I don’t, but I appreciate the explanation.”
Well, that was something at least.
“I should have done things differently.” So many things. I’d wondered over the years if there was a single moment where I’d done or said one thing and should have done another, but I’d never been able to pinpoint the instant when I’d slid off the rails. What made it worse was that nobody seemed able to see me floundering. From the outside, I looked like I had my life together. My books made good money, and I got on well with almost everyone in town. There were no outward signs that everything was barely held together, intersected with cracks, like a vase that had been slammed down too hard but held together until one final touch shattered the pieces.
“It’s okay.” He glanced at me, a tenderness in his eyes that he let few others see. Despite his blustering exterior, Nate had a soft heart. “We’re okay, Gracie. I promise.” He quirked a brow. “Unless there are any other former husbands I should know about?”
I laughed, my relief palpable. “No. Just the one.”
He grinned. “Thank fucking God.”
6
NATE
At the endof my shift the following day, I once again drove to Grace’s house. She’d invited me over to play with the puppy, but I’d have come anyway because I wanted the opportunity to scope out her ex. When I arrived, I headed up the footpath past the garden and knocked on the door—to be courteous, since I’d barged in yesterday. When there was no response, I let myself in and wandered through, finding nobody. I followed voices to the small, private rear garden. It made sense they’d be out there with the puppy since it was the only fully enclosed part of the property.
I stepped onto the back porch and paused to watch the scene before me. Grace and Ryan were chasing the puppy around the lawn. The puppy, who she’d told me was named Duke, raced back and forth with a tennis ball in his mouth. Grace’s laughter rang out, louder than I’d heard it in a long time. Her lips spread in a wide smile as she wrangled the ball from the dog and tossed it to Ryan. Her face shone with pleasure in the simple moment.
She stole my breath. Christ, she was beautiful.
I’d always known that in a general sense. With her long legs and feminine but understated style, it was impossible to miss. Not to mention the fact that a couple of my colleagues had asked for her number, and she’d gone on a date with one of them. But despite knowing that in my head, I’d never experienced her beauty so viscerally. She’d always just been Grace to me, but now it was as though my trusty best friend had been replaced by an intriguing stranger, and I didn’t know what to make of it.
She glanced up, and her sparkling hazel eyes met mine. My stomach swooped and dipped. Ryan followed her gaze, also looking my way. The puppy whined, upset about his playtime being disturbed.
“Hi.” I shoved my hands into my pockets. “It looks like you guys are having fun.”
“We are.” Grace strode over, gesturing for Ryan to follow. “Let me introduce you properly, the way I should have done yesterday. Nate, this is my ex-husband, Ryan. Ryan, my good friend, Nate.”
I offered Ryan my hand, and he shook it. This time, we exchanged polite but wary smiles. I wasn’t sure what to make of him, and it seemed he felt the same. The way he shifted closer to Grace and squared his shoulders should have pleased me. He clearly wanted to protect her and was worried I’d lose my temper again, but instead of being grateful she had his support, I was annoyed that I wasn’t the one at her side. That was my role, and I didn’t like it being usurped.
“Nice to meet you.” I sounded sincere. Probably.
“You too.” He assessed me, his green eyes searching my face for any flicker of aggression or disapproval. I tried to keep my features blank, but I’d never been good at hiding my feelings, so I didn’t know what he saw.
“I’m sorry for being rude yesterday,” I added. “I was surprised, and I reacted badly.”
