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“Yes, it was.” Josiah rested his elbow on the wheel well and tried to relax as much as possible with the object of his inappropriate crush leaning back on one hand in a casual (and sexy) pose. “Your dad was in his element, I think. I’ve never seen him so conversational and, well, alive, I guess.”
“He really is a people person, even though he likes to deny it. The whole grouchy recluse is a part he plays to keep folks from getting too close.”
“I get that. Sometimes it’s easier to keep walls up than risk getting hurt.”
“I think all three of us have a lot of practice with that.” Michael’s intent gaze met his and seemed to look right into his heart. “It’s not easy putting yourself out there when you’ve been betrayed too many times by people who were supposed to love you. Take care of you.”
“Yeah.” He took another, longer drink from his beer. The yeasty liquid swirled in Josiah’s mostly empty stomach, but he’d been too stuffed from lunch to eat anything when they got home. Now he kind of regretted it, because the alcohol was already loosening his tongue. He also wanted to confide in Michael, to show he trusted the older man, and maybe earn some of that trust in return. “You know Seamus and I weren’t just roommates.”
“I know.”
“It did start out that way, though. Just roommates.” Josiah pulled more courage—and beer—from the bottle. “I’d been working in Amarillo, and my patient’s neighbor had an uncle in Daisy who lived alone and was going to need help recovering from surgery, so he recommended me. When I drove out for an interview, we talked about the commute from Amarillo, and he’d heard that the new county sheriff had just moved into the area and had a room to rent. It was cheaper than my rent in the city, and I’d save a ton in gas and mileage.”
“What was he like when you met him?”
Josiah didn’t need to clarify the “him” was Seamus. “Charming, actually. He didn’t flirt or make a pass. He was kind and polite. Said he worked a lot so I’d have run of the house during most days. I could use the TV and kitchen and even the exercise bike in his bedroom if I wanted. For a few months, everything was perfectly platonic.”
“But then things changed.”
“Yeah.” He picked at the damp paper label on his bottle, finding it both easy to confide in Michael and also insanely embarrassing at how he’d been duped. Lured into being nothing more than a toy for Seamus to use when he saw fit. “It’s hard to pinpoint exactly when things changed, because it was a gradual process. But I guess most controlling, emotionally abusive relationships are. You don’t see what’s happening because you’re right in the middle of it.” It had taken Josiah many sleepless nights to understand he couldn’t have stopped what happened to him; he hadn’t known anything truly bad was going on until things completely hit the fan.
Until the first time Seamus demanded sex and Josiah said no. Things had gotten bad after that, until he learned things were better when he said yes.
Always yes.
“I think I get that to a point,” Michael said. “Not seeing the bad even when it’s right in front of you. You get so used to your own distorted view of the world that you can’t see anything better beyond it.”
“Pretty much. And then, when you see how far down the rabbit hole you’ve fallen, you’re too deep and too ashamed to ask for help getting out.” He gently nudged Michael’s shoulder with his. “It takes five guys and a pickup truck to get you the help you need.”
“Don’t forget an overprotective German shepherd.”
“Can never forget Brutus. I’m sorry you lost your dog.”
Michael flinched and tilted his face up to the stars. “Thanks. Is it sad that I miss him more than I miss Kenny?”
“No. Dogs are more loyal than people.” And since he’d brought up the subject—“Have you thought about adopting another dog?”
“Sometimes. We’ve definitely got the land for it. Plenty of room for a few dogs to run around, chase field mice, and have a good old time.”
“But?”
Michael shrugged and sipped his beer again, but when he looked at Josiah, those same “I don’t know if I’m staying” questions lingered in his eyes. He grabbed a second beer, popped the cap, and drank without replying. Josiah knew, though. Adopting a new dog was too big of a commitment. Too much, too soon.
“Elmer is convinced that when he dies, you’re going to sell the land off and leave town for good,” Josiah said, and good God, he needed to stop drinking beer on an empty stomach. Too much sun and a little bit of alcohol had fried his brain-to-mouth censor. “Is that your plan?”
“My dad isn’t dying anytime soon, and I don’t know what my plan is.” Michael scowled at him. “You guys really talked about that stuff? Him dying?”
“A little, yeah. It isn’t unusual when someone his age has a health crisis to start thinking ahead to what family will be left to deal with when they pass. He doesn’t think you’ll want to deal with the barn or the ranch, and I probably shouldn’t be telling you this.” Josiah put his empty bottle down. “Shit.”
“Hey, I won’t tell Dad you broke his confidence, and I appreciate getting his perspective. You’re, uh, kind of a lightweight, huh?”
Josiah snorted. “Little bit. If beer looks bad on me, you should see me after one tequila shot. Actually, strike that. No hard liquor around you, ever.”
“Why not?”
“Because alcohol fucks with my head, and I need to stay focused around you.”
“Why?”
