AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“No one can really promise anything except that we try our best. I promised your mom a lot of things that I never delivered on. The wedding vows, sure. To have and hold, sickness and health, ’til death did us part. I promised to protect her and I didn’t. Someone took that outta my hands. Other people will always be a threat to our promises, except the promise to love. I never once stopped loving your mom and I never will.”
Michael blinked hard against warm wetness in his eyes. Their last conversation about Mom had been an ugly screaming match of blame and anger; this was calm and kind and almost reverent. The kind of conversation they should have had long before now, so they could both let go of ghosts from their shared past and move forward.
To find a path toward mutual forgiveness.
“We both loved her,” Michael said softly. “She was my mother. But I never gave true consideration to how much you loved her as your wife and life partner. I was too selfish and focused on my own grief and blame.”
“I deserved a lot of it.”
“But not all of it.” He angled to face Dad more fully, elbows resting on his knees. “If last night taught me anything, it’s that we can’t always protect the people we love. Sometimes they get hurt and it’s not our fault. I’m finally starting to understand that.” He truly was. Coming home and getting to know his dad again, really know him and interact with him, was driving those points home.
Maybe he’d spent the better part of two decades clinging to blame and anger, but those two things had faded immensely over the years, leaving behind only the thinnest veil, as fragile as a spider’s web. An illusion of holding him back when all he had to do was step through, dust off, and keep on going. He could forgive and live his life without those old hurts holding him back.
“So does this mean you’re gonna ask Josiah out on a proper date?” Dad asked.
Michael chuckled. “I don’t know. We actually did talk about our feelings a few days ago. He’s not in the headspace to date right now. And I couldn’t say if I was going to stay or leave in a few months, so we aren’t really doing anything except being friends.”
“Friends, huh?”
“Yes, friends. But, uh, say I had an idea about what else I might stick around here for besides Josiah. Something to bring this land back to life again. You want to hear about it?”
Dad perked up. “Definitely.”
“Okay, great.” Michael sipped from his glass of lemonade to wet his parched throat, then started talking.
Chapter Eighteen
Despite all of Josiah’s weak arguments against it, Michael took off Wednesday as well, to look after him and Elmer. Being waited on and sort of pampered was a new experience for Josiah, and the comfort it provided warred with his self-reliance, which chafed at being handled with kid gloves. Elmer quietly told him to just go with it and enjoy.
He hadn’t had any more nightmares about the attack, and his confidence returned with each day between him and that terrifying moment in the barn. Michael took Elmer out there Wednesday morning to get some work done, but Josiah couldn’t make himself leave the relative safety of the front porch, where he sat with hot chocolate and watched the occasional car whiz by on the road.
The quiet chill of North Texas winter was slowly settling in all around them. Summers were hot and dry but winter did occasionally bring a dusting of snow. Thanksgiving was in a couple of weeks. Josiah had vague childhood memories of quiet dinners with his parents, and then the one holiday season he’d spent with Andy. Seamus had celebrated by accepting invitations to multiple dinners at different times of the day, and coming home with plates of leftovers for Josiah to forage from.
God forbid he bring Josiah along even just as his roommate.
He did not miss living in the closet so no one suspected his arrangement with Seamus was anything more than platonic. He didn’t have to pretend anything around Elmer and Michael. All he had to do was keep his feelings for Michael tucked away and protected from scrutiny so he didn’t get his heart broken again when Michael decided to leave. For all the ideas he’d fed to Josiah the other night under the stars, Michael hadn’t brought any of it up again in front of Josiah.
Michael went back to work the next day and, while Josiah was still a bit sore in the face, he could handle Elmer’s needs just fine, thank you. He did miss having Michael around, though, and Michael’s frequent texts throughout the day were more sweet than annoying. Elmer, bless him, didn’t ask Josiah to take him out to the barn. One day Josiah would face that fear, but not quite yet. Not until he had a bit more distance between himself and his attack.
Michael worked Friday and picked up part of Alan’s Saturday morning shift to make up for lost hours. Josiah and Elmer were finishing up lunch when Michael got home—with a bag of groceries in hand. Josiah usually did the shopping, so that was new, and Michael didn’t want any help unloading what he’d bought. Elmer ignored the whole thing and kept working on his puzzle. Josiah’s curiosity, however, stayed piqued all afternoon.
Around four someone honked at the gate, and Michael went outside to let them in. Josiah nearly dropped his tablet when Wayne and Rose Woods came inside the house with Michael in tow.
“Ain’t you a sight for sore, bored eyes, Rose,” Elmer said. “You could’ve left the ball and chain home, though. You know you’ve been sweet on me these last few years.”
Rose laughed, the lines around her eyes deepening from her genuine smile. “You old dog, you know my heart belongs to this old cattleman.” She patted Wayne on the forearm. “How are you getting along, Elmer?”
“Can’t complain too much. Getting around a lot better than before.” He waved a hand at his wheelchair. “Still got a ways to go yet.”
“Well, I expect you’ll get there soon enough.” Rose’s kind, patient smile turned to Josiah. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m doing much better, ma’am, thank you.” Josiah’s face was still a mess of healing bruises, some of which were now a sickly green shade, but the bulk of the pain was gone. He’d have a small scar on his forehead but such was life. “How has your family been?”
“We’re all doing just fine, thanks for asking. My boys are hard at work at the ranch, and my girls are happy as can be with their little ones. I’m actually watching Leanne’s kids tomorrow so her and John can spend the day in Littleton doing some ministry work with their church.”
Josiah managed to keep his polite smile firmly intact. “I hope you have a great time with your grandkids.”
“Always do.”
