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It was his own fault, though. He’d kept his secret even after Jackson was so open with him about his past and his need for trust, and Wyatt had blown up the best thing in his life. If Jackson couldn’t stand to work beside him anymore, much less maybe forgive him and take him back, it was Wyatt’s own fault.
Rem was a lot of fun to work with and talked way more than Jackson, or even Michael. His favorite subjects were his wife and daughter, naturally, but he probably overshared a little with how much he and Shelby were trying for another baby. Hugo shot Wyatt the occasional sympathetic smile, while Brand was all professional and shit, the whole day. Wyatt wasn’t sure how he felt about that so he did his best to work and not dwell on it.
Ramie had been at work last night when Wyatt got home from the DNA test, and he’d gone to bed early, exhausted from grief and fear. When he got home tonight, she was there, eating leftovers in front of the television. While Wyatt didn’t mind leftover food, he was always a little weirded out by her habit of eating it cold straight from the fridge. Cold pizza was fine, sure, but cold egg rolls? Cold mac and cheese? Who did that?
“You look like you got kicked in the nuts,” she said.
“Metaphorically, I guess I did.” He sank onto the couch beside her. “I told Brand the truth yesterday and we took a paternity test. Just waiting on the results. But all day long, Brand acted like not a thing had changed, and then Jackson called out, and I hate thinking they’re mad at me. I miss Jackson so much.”
“I bet he misses you, too. This isn’t easy for anyone, especially him and Brand.”
Wyatt flinched. “I know, but it isn’t easy for me, either. I didn’t come here to hurt anyone. All I wanted was answers.”
“I know. But the way you went about getting those answers had some pretty awful consequences. Now you have to navigate these choppy waters and hope you find shore in a place you can live with.”
“Guess we’ll start to see in a few days when the DNA results come back.”
“Do you want Brand to be your father?”
“I do.” He didn’t have to think about it at all. “My whole life my bio dad was built up as this cartoon villain with his villainous family right beside him. But Brand and the Woodses are nothing like what I imagined. They are warm and accepting and generous, and I would really love to have one side of my family who’s like that.”
“So would I.” Ramie bumped his ankle with hers and smiled. “A lot of people would, so I hope you get what you want.”
“Thanks. And I hope you get whatever it is you’re looking for in life, too. You’re, like, the best big sister who isn’t related to me ever.”
“Thanks, dude. You’re a pretty cool not-really little brother. You work tomorrow?”
“Yeah. I hope Jackson is there. Even if he won’t talk to me beyond a few work-related grunts, I just want to see him. Until I met him I never realized it could physically hurt to be apart from someone.”
“I’ll have to take your word on that.”
“You’ve never been in love?”
“No. Had a few aesthetic crushes over the years and regular sex with Brand was nice while it lasted, but I’ve never had that driving desire to be part of a couple. Which goes against everything society and Hollywood and everyone else tells us is normal, but there it is.”
She spoke matter-of-factly, perfectly comfortable with this part of herself, and Wyatt kind of envied her. He wasn’t comfortable with most things about himself, and that was probably because he still didn’t truly know who he was. He’d hidden his sexuality most of his life; he’d grown up not knowing half of his background or family; he’d come here and settled in Weston on a lie that was breaking what he’d thought was a solid foundation.
A foundation built on a lie never stood the test of time, though. A foundation needed to be built on truth. If he got a chance to start over with Jackson, he’d be truthful always.
“I’m glad you know yourself and what you want,” Wyatt said. “Maybe I’ll get there someday.”
“I know it’s trite and you’re probably sick of hearing it, but you’re still young, Wyatt. These are the years when you figure things out. Don’t be too hard on yourself when you make mistakes, even mistakes as epic as this one. People might be mad for a while because we’re human beings with complex emotions. Just give it time.”
“I will. One thing I do know for sure with Jackson is pushing him won’t help. He’ll hunker down and push back and it won’t do either of us any good.”
“Good.” She offered him the white carton in her hand. “Beef and broccoli?”
“Not unless you nuke it.”
“Fancy pants. Go get your own food, then.” She winked.
Wyatt laughed and did exactly that.
Jackson spent the better parts of Monday (his day off) and Tuesday (his requested personal day) wandering the land around the motel with Dog. She was excited to have his undivided attention again during those long hours. Hours he used to devote to Wyatt, but that wasn’t happening for a while. He couldn’t say ever again, because he just didn’t know. No matter what the DNA test showed, Wyatt had lied. For weeks.
That was a tough bit to chew through, and Jackson still didn’t know what he wanted to do when he arrived for work on Wednesday morning. The wide-open spaces around the motel hadn’t provided any answers, but they had kept the memories of the worst years of his life at bay for a while. He couldn’t hide forever, though, and he had to face Wyatt. Even if they didn’t speak beyond work stuff, he had to face the younger, fiery ginger who’d stolen and then broken his heart.
His first glimpse of Wyatt in the barn made Jackson’s heart race in a familiar way, as if his body knew they’d been apart for too long. Instead of going over and claiming his guy, Jackson put his lunch away and hid in the break room for ten minutes, until he heard the clomping of two horses being led out. Rem was off today, so Wyatt was probably out with Michael.
