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Thanks for caring.
Thanks for understanding.
Thanks, I couldn’t have done it without you.
Just thanks.
As the smile began to fade on my lips, along with the time we’d spent together being more than just a study support for each other, he exhaled as he grabbed at his hair and forced the much longer top lengths of his dirty blond strands up into a hair tie. Then his eyes found mine.
‘Sera.’ The reluctance I’d been hearing creeping further and further into his voice over the past few days, sounded out loud and clear as he said my name.
I gathered the top sheet around me as I sat up, and after flipping my long, dark hair to the right side of my face, I held out my hand to him.
After walking the few steps back to reach me, Nick took hold of my proffered hand and sat down heavily next to me on the bed. He turned my hand over and gently placed his mouth to the back of it.
‘You need to go, Nick. We’ve both got a busy day ahead of us.’
‘It doesn’t have to be this way, Sera.’
I inhaled quickly, as I tried to muster up what I knew I needed to say next.
‘In another life, maybe not. But come on…’ I started to shake my head at him a little, ‘we always knew that this day would mark the end of this chapter of our lives. You’re off to America and me… well, you knew I wouldn’t be going with you.’
‘What if I told you I loved you, would…’
I pulled my hand from his hold and placed my forefinger over his lips, effectively shushing him before he said anymore.
‘But you wouldn’t say that, would you, Nick?’ I interrupted him swiftly. ‘This isn’t love... this has been the very best friendship, but it’s not love. Deep down inside you know that. We’re a comfortable fit, a safe place for each other, but we’re not in love, Nick.’ I gently chastised. ‘This was never going to be long term between us. There was no way there would ever be a future inus. We were always going to be just this… Just this, in the here and now. And when the time came, we knew this chapter would close.’ My voice sounded out strongly, more strongly than I was feeling inside, and selfishly I hoped he would help me make the final goodbye a little easier.
His forehead furrowed, before he dropped his head, making my hand fall away and then, as my words filtered through, he lifted it back up again.
‘I wish I could change your mind.’
‘It won’t happen…’ I implored. ‘You are going to make the best life in America, Nick. One where people accept you for you… we’ll look back on this in a few years’ time and see it for what it really is. We’ve been each other’s crutch; and I know someone special is out there waiting for you, Nick. It’s now time for you to go and find them.’
A thick air of silence fell around us.
Nick nodded, slowly at first and then more resolutely at me. ‘Just know this, Serafina Giordano, when they call out your name today, I’ll be the one cheering the loudest.’
‘As I will for you.’ I spoke once again as he stood up and prepared to leave, then he disappeared from my view.
‘I refuse to say goodbye… so, I’ll be seeing you,’ Nick called out and without waiting for my reply, he shut the door to my flat with a heavy, resounding thud and ended our time together with a semi-colon, which I knew had to be very loud full-stop. I focussed on him only until I heard his feet connect with the squeaky floorboard above, then I fell back onto the pillows behind me, closed my eyes and in my head, I went back to our beach.
* * *
‘You look so hot!’ Mia’s voice echoed around my large bedroom. ‘I wish I could be there for you today.’
‘Thank you…’ I replied, before bending my knees a little in a pretend curtsey. ‘I wish you could too,’ I answered. ‘But your work experience must come first, and IknowGabriel will be demanding that you spend any free time with him.’ I carried on applying my make-up without looking at my laptop and the beautiful face of my sister, who had just completed her first couple of terms at her chosen university in Rome. I could see in my mind’s eye the heat my words would have put in her cheeks.
‘Still,’ Mia moaned.
‘Stop, will you. Mum and Papa will be there, that’s all I need.’ Even I heard the lie in my voice.
‘How is Gabriel?’ I changed the subject deliberately to Mia’s favourite one.
‘Oh, you know…’ she sighed.
I looked over at her quickly, unable to deny myself the look of sheer happiness that I knew would have consumed her as we spoke about her childhood sweetheart.
