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‘And here you are.’ I couldn’t hold back the sarcasm in my voice. ‘I’d lostourchild and what you did told me that you no longer cared…’ I raised my arm, clenched my fist tightly and jabbed one finger towards him. ‘Youhurt me.’ Dropping my hand back to my lap I began to shake my head from side to side. ‘No that’s not nearly enough.You,Salvatore, destroyed me.’
‘I’m not expecting it to be easy, little bird… I’ll fight for you, but don’t expect a clean fight. I want you; I want you back in your rightful place at my side and I always get what I want.’
‘I’m a human being, you don’t get to throw me away and then pick me up like I’m some toy.’ I shook my head slowly, like I was scolding a small child.
With his own pain evident on his face, his hand relaxed a little on mine when he grasped that him turning up now, wasn’t going to be quite as easy as he’d envisaged, and I took my opportunity to remove mine from his hold.
‘I’m not doing this with you.’ I stared at him.
He grabbed my hand and in his firm grasp he placed them back down in between us. ‘Yes, you are, little bird. You have a graduation ceremony to attend… then afterwards we can talk properly.’
‘I might be busy.’ I couldn’t help but say the words, even though I knew they sounded pathetic. ‘What if I don’t want to talk to you?’
‘I’ll wait for you… I’ve discovered I’m a patient man, after all.’
A small laugh escaped me at the ridiculousness of his statement and our situation.
‘You are so not patient,’ I accused, thinking back to the demanding, authoritative man I’d spent my married life with.
‘Oh, Serafina… I have a patience of sorts… I’ve waited five very long, arduous years for you.’ He stared at me, waiting for me to understand what he was saying.
‘You didn’t have to wait five years… I was here from day one onwards,’ I deflected.
‘How long did your degree take you?’
‘Nearly five years.’ I thought back to arriving in London. When I’d slowly risen like a phoenix from the ashes of my life, and after taking the exams I’d studied privately for back in Calabria, I’d secured my place to take my degree.
‘Exactly.’ He nodded his head resolutely in agreement. ‘Things changed, and I wanted to come for you earlier… but I knew you deserved the chance to follow your dream.’
Things changed?
I could have asked him what he meant, but the pain was too acute. Instead, I turned my head away and looked forward. ‘You left me on our beach,’ I accused.
‘And it’s the biggest regret of my life, but very necessary.’
And I’ll always do what’s necessary. Something he told me a few years before came back at me.
The car we were travelling in was now once again sweeping through the London traffic with ease and we were almost at our destination. Aldo, one of Salvatore’s most trusted soldiers, was in the driving seat and he was handling the London traffic with no satellite guidance, like he’d done it many, many times before.
Because of course he had.
I knew now what I’d always felt deep down inside and what Salvatore had just told me was true. All the times I thought I’d seen Salvatore from a distance, he’d been there. When I’d smelt his citrus cologne in the café I often studied in, it must have been because he was there, or had just been there.
Salvatore had kept tabs on me from the moment he’d sent me away. When he’d told me to go and grab the dream I’d held on to, while he stood his ground in front of me, refusing to offer me what I thought I wanted and needed. The moment he’d told me that our marriage couldn’t go on the way it was. The minute he said he couldn’t have me in his life. The second he declared that he would never be able to love me the way I needed, because he was incapable. And the millisecond he had said that one day when things were different, he’d be back, before he turned his back on me on our beach and walked away, I’d known it wasn’t over.
As he’d shouted down at me that there would always be an us, from where he left his bike before he kicked it into life and roared away, I discerned that he’d keep his promise.
Although he said the words, and in doing so ripped my heart to pieces, as I’d fallen to my knees onto the warm sand and clawed at the grains as though my life depended on it, deep down I knew that he’d never really let me go.
An audible sob fell from my lips and his hand squeezed mine offering me comfort.
‘Just why?’ I questioned.
‘It had to be done,’ he replied with what sounded like a hint of regret in his voice.
‘All this time… it was such a waste.’
‘No, Dr De Luca… it wasn’t… look at all you’ve achieved.’
