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‘Explain?’ The word came hissing through his gritted teeth.
‘Nick is gay.’
‘Gay?’ Finally, as he repeated back what I’d just said to him, I knew he was listening to what I was saying.
‘Yes, gay. He doesn’t want to be, because it would be easier not to be. His family have refused to have anything to do with him because of him coming out. We were two lost people who found each other. He held me in his arms at night when I couldn’t sleep and forced me to eat when my grief was so consuming that I couldn’t function. In exchange, I helped him come to terms with his feelings, and tried to show him that his life was going to be better. He cared for me, Salvatore, after you’d pushed me away. I do love him as one friend loves another, for the friend he’s been to me.’
‘FUCK!’ The final chair crashed into one of those already lying on the floor.
‘I told him we were separated and living different lives, because we were. He hasn’t done anything wrong. All he ever did was look after me when you no longer wanted to.’
Silent minutes passed between us, as we both tried to gauge the developing situation between us, before I heard Salvatore right one of the chairs he’d just thrown, and then the sound of air leaving his lungs as he sat down heavily. His actions told me that he understood what I was saying and that his violent temper was abating.
‘I wanted to… it just wasn’t that simple.’ His voice sounded calmer now.
My body felt weak as I absorbed his declaration.
‘Why?’ I spun around to face him, finally able to face what we were to each other. I wiped both of my cheeks free of tears as I attempted to clear my vision. ‘It was simple to me. I was in your life, we were married. I thought we were happy?’ My eyes found him sitting with the chair back to front. His arms were resting on the uncomfortable plastic seat back and he had hung his head forward. His hair hung down over his face, making it impossible to see his eyes.
‘You know our history, Serafina. I was never meant to care for you.’ Slowly his head lifted and turned sideways in question, and I found his dark eyes with my own.
‘But you did,’ I added.
‘Yes, you knew I did, even before I would acknowledge it. I’d always intended on ruining your future. What I hadn’t bargained on was you walking into my life and giving me everything I’d never knew I wanted.’
‘I gave you love.’
‘Yes, you gave me love, when I didn’t want or deserve it.’
‘I was never happier than when I was with you, Salvatore. Just for that alone you deserved everything I had to give you, whether you wanted it or not.’ Suddenly, a pain filled thought took a hold. ‘Did you send me away because our marriage was working?’
‘No.’ He shook his head and paused for a few seconds. With his eyes resting on mine, I inhaled a shaky breath as I waited for the words that he was psyching himself up to say to leave his lips. ‘I did it because I cared.’
I felt my head tilt to the side as I silently questioned him. ‘I don’t understand.’ I sighed out loud.
He shook his head forcefully, glared at me and then looked away, warning me not to go there, not to push him.
‘I’m here to take you home, that’s the only answer I’m giving.’
‘If you don’t tell me what I need to know, then I promise you this, the only way you’ll get me back to Italy is with me kicking and screaming.’
‘Don’t tempt me.’ His eyes flashed back up at me and I saw his dark sense of humour lurking in the background.
‘Then one day, just when you think you’ve got me right where you want me, I’ll leave you… even if I have to take my own life.’ I took a slow calming breath before I carried on. ‘You must know me well enough by now, to know I mean every word I’ve just spoken? I married you to save my family, knowing my very existence was in your hands.’
I watched on as his nostrils flared and a deep growl sounded in his throat, making his well-defined Adam’s apple move.
‘Enough!’ His temper came flying back to the surface and he stood abruptly. ‘You, Serafina… You had become my Achilles heel. The one person I cared about more than my own life and any plan of revenge that I’d ever put together. I would have died for you… I couldn’t lose you.’
‘You sent me away. You did lose me and by your own hand.’
‘I had to.’
‘WHY!’ I shouted at him, infuriated that I had to ask him the same bloody question again.
‘Because we’d received death threats.’
‘Death threats?’ An involuntary shiver travelled down my spine. ‘Surely that’s nothing unusual?’
