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‘I almost liked you… do you understand? A girl who was sold into this family for the sake of Calabrian politics almost fell for your charm against her better judgement.’
‘I think sold is too strong a word.’
A red mist descended at his antagonising.
‘Against the tide. Against the hopes and probable wishes of most of my husband’s “so called” family, I fell in love with him, and despite our enforced separation and the loss of our child, I love him still. Even if it means our deaths, I will not make a promise to you that pits me against him.’
Then I was moving. I quickly walked towards the desk in front of him. Standing up on my toes and clasping the edge of the mahogany, I leant my body nearer to his.
‘What did he ever do to you? You knew all about him, but still you let him grow up without being part of this family.’
‘He grew strong on his own.’
‘Yes.’ I tried to calm down the rising tone of my voice. ‘But as a young boy, he should have been here.’
‘How do you think Valentina would have treated him?’
‘Not well.’ I shook my head as his words penetrated through my anger.
‘She would have ground him down. Instead, he grew up knowing his nonna loved him, and he fought for everything he has. You cannot make a stronger man than that.’
Realisation suddenly hit me like a sledgehammer.
‘So, let me get this right. You left him there. A bastard child and then an orphan, because you thought it would make him stronger?’
‘Yes.’
‘People aren’t puppets, you do understand that don’t you?’ I screamed the question at him. ‘You don’t get to sit here and pull all the strings.’
Slowly, Salvatore Snr placed his elbows to the desk and rested his fingers together while he looked at me in earnest.
‘Serafina, Serafina… that’s exactly what the position I have risen to is all about. But mainly it’s about protecting your family and encouraging your family to grow stronger, so once you’ve gone, they can flourish and grow more robust with each generation that passes.’
For a second, my mouth opened but no words came.
I had lived this life for all but five years of my existence, but never had I thought through the way we lived and why. I might have been angry with the old man, but I knew what he had just imparted was true. We were all caught up in the same circle, the circle of the life we led.
‘He’s strong, all the pain he lived through made him that way. Congratulations!’ I sarcastically added. ‘Now he appears to be just a pawn to you… He does the dirty work, the work your son can’t or won’t lower himself to do. All he has is me and you won’t even allow him that.’
‘You love him.’
‘Yes, with everything I am. I love him even when he can’t or won’t accept my love. And in a complete U-turn to the way I’ve lived the rest of my life, I love and accept him knowing who and what he is, and the things I’m sure he’s done.’
Seemingly, with every single molecule of breath expended from my lungs, I came down off my tiptoes. As the sudden rush of adrenalin left my body, I became aware of my arms shaking as I waited for him to speak.
‘Serafina means fiery one… did you know that?’ His voice rang out with intensity.
‘Yes, my papa told me,’ I answered in a smaller voice, and terrified of what was coming next, I glanced down.
‘You, Serafina, are a brave woman.’
I shook my head at him in disagreement.
‘You are, especially as your family still has the air of mistrust surrounding them.’
‘I disagree, I’m not brave. I’ve cried, been scared and humiliated. I’ve lost those I’ve not met but loved unconditionally, and those I should have loved but who didn’t deserve it. All I am is a woman. But I am loyal… and my family, who have done nothing wrong, and my husband deserve nothing less than that from me.’ I shrugged. ‘I suppose that might make me seem brave.’
‘Then brave it is,’ he smiled. ‘Brave, because no one has spoken to me like that since my wife Giovanna. You are all I’ve ever dreamt of for my favourite grandson.’
