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“Is your only hesitation the concern over giving up control or something else?”
“Admitting how badly I’ve wanted to give someone else my submission is an entirely different conversation.” He blew out a breath. “You’ve never been in this dynamic before, as far as I know. Can you tell me why?”
I was proud of him for voicing his concerns. He was entirely correct, and I owed him an explanation. “Jacqueline messed up my head, man. Those glaring red flags looked like challenges instead of warnings. Before her, it was Rodney. I am loyal to a fault, and neither of them were during our relationships. It took a while for me to get over the burn and I didn’t have a lot to offer.”
“Loyalty is extremely important to me, Sir. Do you still believe that you don’t have anything to offer?” Trey asked sincerely.
“No, I’m in a much better place now. The two of them brought me a lot of insight into what I’ve been looking for. What I won’t tolerate in a relationship versus what I’ll accept. My needs versus my wants. All that shit.”
“Hm. Well, I think you’re crazy to be considering me. Monica deserves you but…”
I hated how hollow his voice sounded. Monica squeezed my hand. She leaned her head on the cushion, keeping herself physically in the conversation. She didn’t seem as hesitant as Trey to embark into a relationship, and Monica wasn’t the only one who wasn’t getting their needs met.
“Are you finished telling me what isn’t good for me, Trey?” I rubbed his shoulders.
“No, Sir. Not even close.”
“I’m all in. Whatever was going on with your relationship is in the past. We start fresh. The three of us. Now,” I repeated Monica’s sentiment. I wanted him to know that I was serious. Was the message sinking in yet?
“How?” His voice caught in his throat. “How can you possibly clear the slate when you don’t know how many fucking times I messed up?”
“It doesn’t matter. I’m going to hold you accountable for the things you haven’t been managing. If I’d seen how off-balance the two of you were and I hadn’t been working a ridiculous amount of overtime, I’d have stepped in sooner. I could have helped long before now.”
“Oh, yeah?” He scoffed. “What makes you think that?”
“Watch your tone. Both of you were flirting with me without ever actually talking about what you wanted. I attempted to get the story, but you’re both so darn stubborn.”
“Hindsight,” Trey offered sarcastically.
I wanted him to surrender a little control, but he seemed very stuck still and not open-minded. I ignored his tone this time, because at least he was talking.
“Right. I should have just invited myself over, and I will in the future. My department hired two new officers, fresh out of the academy. The changes at work allot me flexibility in my schedule.” “I look forward to spending more time with you. In case you didn’t know, I have no clue on how to be submissive. I’m not entirely sure I’ll even like it, Sir.”
“Can I point out that it’s different in every relationship, Daddy?” Monica cleared her throat. “It’s not something you magically understand the second you’ve got a dominant partner. I think it’s a huge misconception. Just because we have rules doesn’t mean we won’t have any issues. There’s a learning curve. I am open-minded and I want us to work out, but it’s going to take a minute.”
I wanted to scoop her up on the couch with us and kiss her. She was incredibly insightful and spot on. “She’s right,” I replied, encouraging him to go on.
“I understand all that, Sir. And I appreciate you saying it out loud, darling. My hesitations are coming from what’s already on Sam’s plate.”
“You don’t have to concern yourself with what I’m handling,” I responded confidently. He didn’t need any additional stressors pressuring him. “I’m easing the weight off your shoulders and balancing the three of us. Will you let me handle everything?”
“I’m nervous that I’ll screw up our relationship too, but if you’re willing to shoulder some of the responsibilities—”
“All of them. I lead, you both follow. We’ll talk through whatever comes up, but I have the final say.”
Trey shook his head. I ran my fingers through his hair as he lay across my lap, allowing him a quiet moment to sort out his feelings. Monica added her touch, and we sat there in silence.
“I used to think I couldn’t possibly be everything Monica needed me to be if I was also submissive to someone else. But I was lying to myself. I was too afraid to admit what I needed. Monica sees submission as a gift. She wouldn’t have judged me for it. And I never should have judged myself,” Trey admitted.
Monica rose on her knees and kissed his temple. “I’d never ever judge you, Daddy.”
“I know that, darling. Of course I knew that, but I couldn’t really think straight.”
“Since when do you ever think straight, country boy?” I patted his hip.
“Quit teasing me.”
“Never.” My reply earned me a chuckle from Trey, but nothing more. “I wish you had talked to our friends about the thoughts clunking around in your head. You treasure your dynamic with Monica. Despite the challenges you’ve been facing, you do. I see that. I’m not sure why you thought it was a good idea to hide that part of yourself, but I don’t want you to. Not again.”
