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He watched Elio, who was fumbling through the rapid chord changes for “Let it Go” from Frozen, laughing all the way through it. Juniper kept prompting him by singing ahead of him, as if the lyrics were the problem.
Could he imagine a life with this man?
All too easily. Hell, if it were even a possibility, he’d be begging Elio for the chance.
But there were a lot of steps between here and there. Like what Elio wanted. He was twenty-seven. Old enough to have figured out how to live independently and plan a career but…
Shit. James had been married for almost the entire time Elio had been alive. Their life experiences were vastly different. And kids were fun on a vacation, but would Elio actually want to raise them?
And would his kids want a second dad? Would it be weird for them at school? They clearly adored Elio as a person, but this was a fragile time for them. Their parents had just gotten divorced, and the therapist said he needed to make sure they knew he was still there for them. That he loved them just as much, or even more.
Would they resent someone new in his life? Would they think Elio was infringing on their mother’s territory?
Catherine would sure as hell see him as infringing on her territory. Even if it wasn’t territory that she necessarily wanted.
She would think that he was shaming her. Flaunting something. Would he be flaunting something? Being gay wasn’t flaunting anything, but would it be weird coming out to his colleagues? Probably not too much. But it would be a lot of personal information to reveal.
It seemed like there were a lot of hurdles to cross, and it wasn’t like he’d just gone on a coffee date with someone that his kids and colleagues wouldn’t need to find out about for another six months. He didn’t have a chance to just think about things and dip his toes in the water.
Elio was kind of… enmeshed already.
James was also increasingly sure that he didn’t want hook-ups. Not with Elio, and maybe not with anyone ever. Elio was his one crazy moment of stepping outside of his comfort zone and trying things, and it might never happen to him again.
Already, having Elio for just five days and then walking away from him was going to tear him apart.
He couldn’t imagine what it would be like if he got used to having Elio around—if his kids got used to having Elio around—and then Elio wasn’t there.
They’d be devastated.
James would be devastated.
He was already floundering after breaking up his marriage, and he didn’t even like Catherine much anymore.
When the last dish was drying on the unsteady mountain spread out over the picnic table, James dumped the two wash bins in the woods. He’d learned a lot this week. He could maybe even do this whole camping thing on his own next time.
He went back to the fire ring and pretended for a moment to find a folding camp chair away from the smoke, but really, he was never going to sit anywhere except beside Elio.
He watched Elio’s nimble fingers on the guitar, the firelight catching in his beard as he sang. His eyes were hard to see, since he was wearing a headlamp to read the pages of his songbook, but he was still too entirely kissable.
James had to make this last night count.
The marshmallows came out, and James volunteered to toast Elio’s, since he was still playing. It felt very coupley and made him all warm inside. Elio’s preferred marshmallows were gently toasted until they were liquidy—and then he’d burn the outside to a char.
James thought he did pretty well, and presented the s’more with a flourish.
Elio set aside the guitar to eat, their hands touching for an extra moment as James handed over the sticky treat.
James would probably never think of s’mores again without thinking of Elio. All the nights around the fire, but especially the chocolate Elio pressed into his mouth after their first scene.
He watched Elio savor it, chocolate and crumbs clinging to the corner of his lip, and a smudge of marshmallow across his cheek.
“You’ve got a little something here,” James told him, before wiping it away with his thumb. Any little excuse to touch him. Tasting the sugary debris on his thumb was almost like a kiss.
Mikey’s little voice popped up. “Is Elio your boyfriend?”
James froze. Shit, shit, shit. He’d thought they were being subtle. Well, maybe not exactly subtle, but subtle around the kids.
But if Mikey had noticed it… Shit. Mikey didn’t notice anyone or anything except Pokémon cards, amphibians, books with dragons, and his three friends.
