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“Oh, um. Your shop is quaint,” Mitchell blurted out, Jensen shook his head and groaned.
“Thank you?” I questioned. Quaint was nice, but usually a word you used when you couldn't come up with anything else to say. The store was dark and in need of a paint job. Definitely updated furniture and fixtures were on the list. God, I had a never-ending honey-do list. Maybe I wasn’t cut out for this? But it’s all I knew…
“Why don't you show us the mystery section?” Jensen asked.
“Absolutely. Gentlemen, please follow me.” I took them around the corner opposite where the girls were still looking through the fantasy shelves. “Here we are. There's Agatha Christie, James Patterson, Stephen King, though his are more horror than mystery. I don't know why I have those over here.” I shook my head, making a mental note to move them. “There are many to choose from. If you're looking for anything in particular, please let me know and if it's not in stock I can always order it. It usually takes about seven to ten business days for new orders to come in. Feel free to peruse the shelves and take your time, we're open until six.” I walked off and straight to the office, shut the door behind me, slid down the wall, put my head between my legs and taught myself how to breathe again. My sweet Jesus, I wanted to call them Daddy so badly. The word was on the very tip of my tongue. Never have I craved to be held by another such as I did with them. Those long, firm arms meant to hold my tiny figure in. Though I rarely dated, I wasn't a virgin either and ninety percent of the Daddies I played with nothing sexual ever happened. The few that did it was a one and done, mutual of course. But something about these men had me transfixed.
Knock. Knock. I stood abruptly and gave myself a head rush and was forced to brace against the wall to keep from falling over. As soon as the room quit spinning, I reached for the door and found Mr. Harris on the other side. “You okay, kid? You don't look so hot,” he asked me.
“I'm fine. I just got up too quickly,” I replied.
“Shop’s hopping, just wanted to make sure you knew that you got some more people wandering around. It’s about lunchtime for me so I’m gonna head down the street to the café. I'll see you in the morning, son,” he said.
“See you tomorrow, Mr. Harris.” When I returned to the sales floor, I counted a dozen bodies in total roaming around the store, including Mitchell and Jensen, and smiled. I enjoyed it when people found their way. Whether or not they bought something, I appreciated them taking the time to walk into the unknown shop in an old strip center in Las Vegas and check it out. We'd been here for thirty years, and I hoped to be here forever more.
Chapter 5
“What gives?” Jensen asked me. “I know you’re tired, but you completely zoned out back there.”
How did I tell him that I had the overwhelming urge to pick Henry up and cradle him in my arms like one would cradle a child? Where did a thought like that even come from? How many adults did you know that wanted to be treated like a porcelain child? Breakable and in need of taking care of. I shook my head at the wayward thoughts. “I don't even know. Let's just chalk it up to being tired and overwhelmed like you said. I have a lot on my plate and still have no idea what to do. Not sure why we're here because I have the focus of a two-year-old so attempting to read a book would be a fruitless effort. I’m dead on my feet, I just don't know what to do with Momma.”
Jensen patted my shoulder. “I'm here for you. You know that, right?” I nodded. “I will help you figure this out and we'll find a good place for her. Hopefully when we get back to the hospital, she'll be awake. The nurse said she would call if there were any changes. We are both in dire need of a shower and sleep. Let’s head out and meet back up there in a few hours.”
The initial plan was to take a walk and clear our heads. How we ended up in this particular strip center I couldn't say. I was walking in a daze, my brain going in one direction and my feet in another. Thankfully Jensen was there to help guide me before I ended up somewhere I shouldn’t have been.
“Come on, let’s go,” said the voice of reason currently inhabiting Jensen.
As we walked past the register area toward the door, I wanted to get Henry's attention, but he was busy waiting on other customers, and I didn't want to disturb him. I wasn’t sure if he sensed my stare, but he looked up and our eyes met. He smiled and gave a little wave, and I couldn't help smiling in return. Something so simple that warmed me to the core. Maybe if I was in a better headspace, I would’ve reached out to see if he wanted to meet for dinner or take a walk in the park. Who knew, but right now at this time in my life it probably wasn’t ideal to pursue anything with another soul.
We returned to our cars in the hospital parking lot. There was no use going back upstairs, it’d only serve to further depress me. Jensen gave me a hug, lingering a bit longer than he normally would though I didn’t mind. I appreciated how he’d always had a way of making me feel better. Often, I wondered over the years if we missed our chance at being a couple. Neither of us ever brought that option to the table so it likely wasn’t an option. I wasn’t Jensen’s type, he generally went after guys more like Henry. More petite, twinks if you will, which I was anything but. While I was openly bisexual, Jensen was one hundred percent gay. For me, it was all about personality. Feeling a connection was a must, though on occasion I would admit to scratching an itch with a hookup. Demisexual was the closest I got to a label, but I couldn't deny that sometimes urge won over connection. I didn't fit into any one box, nor did I rank very high on any scale. I was just me and I was perfectly fine with that.
Everything was just as we left it in the house. Of course, it is, dumbass, I thought to myself. What did I expect? Some sort of house gnomes came in and put everything away and dusted the shelves while they were at it? I went into the kitchen to find something to eat and flipped every cupboard open, then open and shut the refrigerator three times. I shook my head at the ridiculous repetition and resigned to take a shower and try to sleep. I’d been up for God knows how long at this point and desperately needed to get some shut eye.
I stripped down and started the shower. The warm spray against my tired skin felt wonderful, the gentlest of massages with a little heat. Reluctantly, I shut the water off, dried, brushed my teeth then curled up in bed. The vision of my mother lying in that hospital bed was more than I could bear. Parents took care of kids when they were young, and it was our turn to do the same when they aged. When you failed at that what was left?
And failed last night I had. Miserably.
My phone on the nightstand lit up and I reached for it.
Get some sleep, Mitchell, quit beating yourself up over this. There's nothing you could have done differently. See you in a few hours.
Jensen always knew when I was lost inside my head, almost like he had a sixth sense when it came to me. He had an uncanny knack for reaching out when he knew I needed him most. More times than I could count he was also the voice that pushed me forward, pushed me to do more and the one who told me I'd be just fine moving back home, and I'm glad I did.
Love you too, boo ***kissy face emoji***
I sat the phone down and rolled over on my side, wishing away all thoughts so my brain could finally shut down.
I woke to the smell of coffee and Jensen bouncing on the side of the bed singing, “Wakey, wakey, sleepyhead,” horribly off-key.
“Jackass,” I groaned. “Remind me again why we gave you a key?”
“So I can bring you breakfast in bed?” he flirted and waved a cup of coffee through the air. “Mmm, nectar of the gods.” He inhaled deeply. “Get up before I eat all the donuts.”
“You had me at donuts,” I batted my lashes at him. “Marry me?” I teased, though a look I couldn’t quite comprehend flashed across his face which he immediately schooled.
“Get up.” He smacked my ass as he got up and headed for the door. “Now.”
I hurried through my morning routine and met him in the kitchen. There sat a large coffee doctored up exactly how I like it, a glazed raspberry-filled doughnut, and a chocolate-frosted one. “See, you really get me. I don't know why you just don't marry me.” Jensen turned before I could see his expression. We’d joked like this for as long as I could remember so why was it bothering him now?
