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I’d been royally screwed since my call with Arden.
“Do you want me to train you?” I murmured. “Just nod.”
Danny felt a little too good in my arms, but I refused to let go. With his anger toward me and my reluctance to see him in the field without proper backup, maybe this was a rabbit hole we had to fall down together. I couldn’t be the drill sergeant who never got personal, and he couldn’t keep people at arm’s length when he was so desperate for a connection. We had to trust each other.
It took him a couple beats, but eventually, he managed a stiff nod, and that settled things for me.
This was happening.
“Then you’re under my care.” I rubbed his back slowly, feeling all the contrasts that made up Danny Rose under my fingertips. His sleek, trim muscles. Soft flesh. His warmth.
Welcome to my personal hell.
I’d been struck by his appearance and his mind two years ago too. But Danny was right—I’d been closed off. That was how I coped easier. Seeing so many soldiers, being in and out of so many people’s lives…and never lingering.
If it weren’t for my family, I wouldn’t have anybody either. Before I’d taken on the twins, I was used to coming home to an empty flat and having dinner by myself. Which stung a bit more when I placed Danny in the same shoes. I didn’t want him to feel lonely.
“What do you need money for?”
“My future,” he croaked and cleared his throat. He let his hands fall too.
“Elaborate.”
“Are we just gonna stand here and hug?”
“Yes.” I felt a smirk tug at my lips. “Although, you’re not really hugging me back.”
“Because it’s weird. You’re weird as fuck, Payne.”
I chuckled under my breath and had to fight the urge to do something stupid. Like kiss the side of his head. For a fraction of a second, that was all I wanted.
He was right. I was weird as fuck.
“Tell me about your future,” I repeated.
He let out a steadying breath. “I wanna buy a farm and have a bunch of rescue animals, but I gotta pay someone to watch them when I work.”
Goddamn. Yeah, that fit his profile. It spoke volumes of his character, too. Those animals would love him back unconditionally and never leave his side.
It gave me insight into more than that. Maybe he’d given up on finding another person to share his life with. Maybe he didn’t dare try. Maybe he didn’t believe he was worthy of friends. Maybe he thought they would bail anyway. Maybe a wife and kids didn’t interest him. Maybe I was thick in the head for pretending I didn’t already know he was gay.
“I like that dream,” I murmured.
He took another breath, a longer and deeper one, and rested his forehead on my shoulder.
The last of the tension was draining out of him, and it felt so fucking amazing. I wanted him to be able to relax around me. I understood it would take time before he didn’t tense up at first, but this had to be a good first step.
I was in trouble. I remembered, two years ago, I’d thought…in another time and place, I would’ve made a move on him. Danny was the right amount of complicated and feisty for me. I was rarely interested in perfect covers and untattered pages, because I was none of those things. Give me someone who had his own scars and battle tales. Someone who could understand my journey too.
But that didn’t matter anymore. I was a new brand of authority figure to him now. I needed to earn his trust, not prey on him.
When the hug stopped being about calming him down, it was time to ease back.
“We’ll put together a plan for your training tomorrow.” I nudged up his chin, not surprised to find him reluctant to make eye contact. I’d pushed him a bit outside his comfort zone tonight. “By the way, did you sleep here last night?”
He raked his teeth over his bottom lip and nodded hesitantly.
I snorted softly and shook my head, amused. “Trespassing punk.”
