AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“You—what?” I shake my head. “I think I’d remember if you did. The last time I saw you was—” The night we broke up. I snap my mouth shut.
I didn’t make any attempt to contact him. Our prom came at the end of study leave, after our final exams, at the start of summer. I’d have had to go out of my way to bump into him. Even on results day, I hadn’t seen him, although I’d wondered how he’d done. I wasn’t on social media. It would have been another place to get bullied for being a gay nerd, so why bother? Besides, I’d been so angry that I hadn’t wanted to see him. In September, I’d packed up and gone to Cambridge and told myself I was never going to think about Tanner again. But of course that wasn’t true. I thought about him all the damn time. Every time I thought about reaching out or looking him up, I decided there was no way he’d want to see or talk to me. I’d said awful things the night we split up. I’d broken his heart as surely as he’d broken mine. Does his heart still carry those scars? Mine does. Who knew my first love would be so hard to get over?
“I took the train to Cambridge,” he says. “I was going to surprise you with a grand gesture to prove I’d come out. I was going to get down on one knee and serenade you or something.” He chuckles, but the sound is melancholy. “It sounded great in my head.”
“You didn’t come to Cambridge. You didn’t see me.”
“I did.” He looks me right in the eyes. “But you didn’t see me. You were with another guy. You were holding hands, and you looked happy. And I realised at that moment that I’d lost you for good. That you’d moved on with your life. That maybe I never deserved you in the first place.” He gathers my small hand in his huge one. “I’m so sorry for how things ended, Wren. I should have been braver that night.”
I can’t stop blinking. My vision jumps as tears swim in my eyes. “You weren’t ready to come out. I should have been more understanding. But I had to walk away. I couldn’t cope with the secrecy anymore. I’m sorry I said such awful things that night. I’m sorry I made you think it was your fault. We just weren’t meant to be. We were at different places in our lives. Going our separate ways was the right thing to do.”
“Even though it hurt like hell?”
I nod and swallow. “Yes. My biggest regret isn’t that we broke up, but how it happened.”
“You were glad we broke up?”
I shake my head and squeeze my eyes shut. “No. I didn’t mean it like that. Of course I wasn’t. I was in love with you, Tanner. I thought we were going to be together forever.”
“So did I,” he whispers.
“You came to Cambridge?” My voice is soft and fragile like a soap bubble waiting to burst.
“Yes. The guy you were with was wearing a bright red jumper,” Tanner says. “It clashed with his auburn hair.”
Tears spill down my cheeks. He’s not lying. He’s talking about Jonas, a guy I was with for a couple of weeks until we agreed we had no spark. What might have happened if I hadn’t been with Jonas that day? If Tanner had come up to me and made some grand gesture to win me back.
My chin trembles. “I’m sorry for everything I said that night. I said awful things to you.” I tug my hand from his, put my drink on the bar, and press my hands over my face as I sob. “I’m sorry.”
Chapter 3
Tanner
* * *
From the moment I realised I’d bumped into Wren, I’ve wanted to put my arms around him. But now, while he’s puffy-faced and crying, that urge is at its strongest.
I get off the barstool and lean down so I can whisper in his ear. “Do you need a hug?”
His shoulders shudder, but I swear I hear a sad laugh as he nods.
I wrap my arms around him and hug him to my chest.
“I remember the first time you asked me if I needed a hug,” he says between sobs.
“You do?”
He nods against my chest. “It was the end of year ten. We were fifteen. Martin Porter had broken my glasses, and you found me hiding behind the bike sheds after school so I wouldn’t run into him. You asked me if I needed a hug.”
My heart swells with warmth at the memory. “And when I gave you said hug, you thanked me with a kiss. Your face went bright red, and you ran away.”
“And you chased me and kissed me back.”
“I remember.” Now that he’s stopped crying, I hold him at arm’s length and stare at him.
He looks the same yet different. He still has blond, curly hair, which skims the top of his glasses. The frames are thinner now and pale gold, which suits his complexion. His face is longer and leaner but still has all its boyish charm. Even though he’s not smiling right now, I know he still has deep dimples. When he smiled a few moments ago, the sight of them made me swoon. His brown eyes are as kind as I remember. He looks adorable in skinny jeans and a white crop top. I hope the yellow stain washes out.
“What?” He wipes the tears from his eyes and then goes to clean his nose.
