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As if he read my mind, he continued, “She would have been so proud of you. Of everything you’ve accomplished. She was so excited to meet you.” His eyes took on a faraway look.
“Did she?”
His gaze snapped to me. “Did she what?”
I pressed my lips together, swallowed the gravel in my throat, and forced out the words. “Meet me?”
“Yes,” he whispered as he lowered himself to the floor, his back against the chair. “She held you. As soon as you slipped from her womb, the doctor lay you on her chest. She laughed. We were so happy. She used the sheet to wipe the blood from your head.” He laughed painfully. “She blamed her heartburn on your hair. It was so thick.” He smiled at the memory, then his face twisted with remembered pain. “She loved you. She loved you from the moment she found out she was carrying. She fell more in love as soon as she saw you. And she named you.”
“What happened?” I’d never heard this story. I’d never heard any stories. It lit a hunger inside me to know more.
Sia shifted on her bum, edging closer to the grandfather she’d probably see once a year if he was lucky.
My instincts screamed at me to pick her up and run. Shield her from the damage this man could deliver. I successfully talked myself down. I’d never allow him to hurt her.
And I wanted my story.
“I didn’t notice anything amiss at first. They stitched her up. She refused to be parted from you for more than the minute it took them to assess you.” A soft smile lit his face. “She must have kissed you a thousand times. They transferred her to a wheelchair and wheeled her down to her room. For hours we could do nothing but stare at you. She held you the entire time.” His eyes focussed on me. “She had so many dreams for you.”
“Tell me,” I rasped, my hands fisted on my thighs.
“Marriage. Babies,” he said, nodding at Sia. “She loved the nickname Sia. Said she’d use that if you named your daughter after her. Ana was too plain she said.” His mouth turned down and he looked away for a moment before swiping a shaking finger under his eye. “She wondered if you’d be artistic like her or scientific like me. If you’d like sports or travel.” He brought his gaze back to me. “She wanted to take you to Disney World. I failed her. I failed you. I know that. But I did the best I could.”
He did take his children to Disney World. I just wasn’t a part of that.
I wanted to know more. So much more but I didn’t know how much more I could take.
Sia reached him and stood. She put her palm on his cheek and turned his face to study him.
Did she see me in him?
My voice shook. “The best you could?”
“I failed you. God knows I failed your mother, and I vowed I’d never do that. I can’t regret any of my children, but I regret marrying that woman.”
“Then why did you stay with her?”
“She would have turned all my kids against me.”
“So, you sacrificed me instead.”
“I tried to do the best I could for all of you. No matter how little.”
I hooked my finger in the neck of my t-shirt and pulled it down, rolling the cracks out of my neck.
“She cut me off from you when I was fourteen. Wouldn’t allow me access to Viola after she kicked me out. Did Viola know? Did anyone tell her I wasn’t allowed to contact her? Or did she just believe I abandoned her?”
“I did. I told her. I’ve told her everything. I’ve told them all what happened with you. The boys…they believe her side. They were old enough to remember the exchanges between you but didn’t understand the context. Just the yelling. Viola, she somehow always understood the truth.” He reached for Sia’s blocks and began building a tower for her. She turned sideways and sat on his outstretched leg.
Like she belonged there.
It didn’t occur to her that she’d be rejected or pushed aside.
I could find no words.
She kicked out her little foot and sent the blocks flying.
He laughed, and she clapped her hands, so he piled them up again.
