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Sitting with a glass of wine, a much more relaxed Hope told me about her day.
Wrapping it up, she said, “I guess I just feel like a bit of a failure.”
“You?” That I could relate to but couldn’t see her in that same role. “Why?”
She sighed and pulled at a loose thread on the back of the couch. “Because all these years I’ve been touting the belief that women can be mothers and have careers. All along I’ve preached that I was happy with my career and didn’t need a man. Now I have you and the job doesn’t seem to do it for me anymore.”
“Did the job ever do it for you? Even before me?”
“Well,” she came to an abrupt stop. “I guess I figured, given enough time, I’d get used to it.”
“Is it the whole job? Or is there a certain aspect?”
“It’s the travel. I don’t like the travel. I feel so disconnected from everybody. I don’t enjoy it the way I thought I would.”
I held up my hands and dropped them. “I don’t understand how this has anything to do with me?”
She blinked at me, her eyes darting around the room as she thought things through. “I’m not sure, but I think I wanted the job to fulfil something it couldn’t.”
Something she wanted me to fulfil? “If it helps, I’m considering making major changes myself.”
She brightened. “Yeah?”
“Yes,” I nodded and continued. “I don’t want to hire a night nanny. I don’t want Sia to grow up with nannies instead of a parent. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, but it’s got to be better than nothing.”
“To her, you’re everything, Ares. Don’t forget that. What are you going to do?”
I shrugged. “I’m not sure, yet. Maybe I’ll set up a studio in town. Or look for contracts in town.” I looked down before giving her the rest. “My finances are good.” I cleared my throat. “Turns out my father had been squirreling his money away into four trust funds for me and my siblings.”
“He did?” she breathed.
I realized I hadn’t told her anything about that visit. Speaking about family issues never came easily, but my heart didn’t race like it usually did when the subject of my father came up.
“Wow, Ares,” she exclaimed when I finished. “It’s not a good enough excuse for what he did, but it does give a different perspective?”
I drew her into my lap, tucked her fair head under my chin, wished with my entire being that I could offer her a ring.
A home.
A reason to never worry.
But I had to put Sia first.
Sia couldn’t protect herself.
But I could.
Four Tiny Cakes
Hope
Two weeks of living and loving cemented our relationship. Through hideously long twelve-hour days at work when I didn’t have Brayleigh, and hilariously chaotic bedtimes with two toddlers when I did, we got to know one another on a deeper level.
And my man was one, raw, walking nerve.
This birthday party would be tough for him, but we couldn’t avoid family events forever. I didn’t want to.
He had no outward tells to betray his nerves.
