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My chest is heaving, heavy with the burden I’ve kept buried deep inside me. I wrap my arms around myself to stop from shaking. Alex bolts out of his seat and reaches me in two giant strides to engulf me in his arms. I try to wrestle away from him. I don’t deserve his kindness.
“Settle down.” His low voice rumbles in my ear. “I got you.” He holds me for a good long time, and eventually, he leads us to sit in a chair, pulling me onto his lap.
“I’m okay,” I say after a good long moment. I breathe out a heavy sigh.
Alex holds on tighter. “I don’t think you are. I can tell you that you did what you thought was right in the moment, but it won’t matter if you don’t believe it. You were in love, and he betrayed that love. That’s not on you. If you had a daughter who went through a rough time, would you turn your back on her?”
“No, of course not!”
“Your parents are waiting for you to come back so they can hold you and support you. The guilt you have is yours. I bet all they want is to see their daughter, to know that she’s doing all right, and to tell you how much they miss you.” I want to protest, but he keeps going. “Trust me, they would be over the moon to hear from you.”
“I don’t know what to say,” I choke out.
“It all starts with ‘hello,’” he says with a quirk of his lips. “I can be around when you decide to call. Just think about it.” He strokes my hair and kisses my forehead. “We can let this go for now. Instead, you can help me make rocky road sundaes.”
“That sounds yummy.” I manage a shaky smile.
* * *
Several hours later,I’m lying on top of Alex, who is flat on his back on the sofa, with the game droning on in the background. I must have fallen asleep after sundaes and a make-out session. Alex keeps stopping us from going any further, which I’m beginning to find annoying. Although, it’s hard to get upset with him when it’s because he wants to take care of me.
“Swear to you, baby. You’re worth the wait,” he said, and I couldn’t argue with that.
I think a lot about what Alex said. If he had a kid, he’d be waiting for a call. I would too. Mom and Dad offered to bring me home, and I outright refused. At first, it was because I was afraid Cameron would come searching for me, and it turns out I was right to worry, because the next time I called home, he was snooping around. My parents told me to stay hidden. He was trying to corner my brother at school one day, but thank goodness, Cameron’s friends wouldn’t leave his side and they got out of there quickly.
Since then, I’ve kept my distance. I’ve caused them enough grief, and even with Cameron behind bars, I can’t seem to take the next step forward.
When I was a kid, my mom would come into my room when I couldn’t sleep. I was a worrier, still am. She would tell me stories of rainbows and puppies. Dad would chase monsters from under my bed. “I won’t let anything happen to my little girl,” he would say.
I threw all that away. I’ve wanted to say I’m sorry a thousand times. The one time I did call, Mom teared up and begged me to come home. Dad too. My baby brother wanted to come to me. The whole family was ready to uproot their lives to support me. I couldn’t let them do that.
I miss them so much.
I lift my head from Alex’s chest. He drops his gaze to meet my eyes.
“What’s up, buttercup?”
“I want to call my mom.”
“You ready for that?”
“I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready, but I thought about what you said and what I would do if I had a child. I’d want to hear from them. My parents don’t even know where I live. My brother’s begged me to tell him, but I refused. I know they would show up at my doorstep and see the person I’ve become.”
“I love this person,” he replies firmly.
“I’m starting to like her too. I want to meet that counselor too.”
“I’ll make the appointment. I’m coming with you.”
“I’d appreciate that.”
“Wanna call your mom now?”
I scramble off him, and Alex sits up, putting an arm around me. I grab my phone off the small table.
“Ready,” I say. I dial the number, put it on speaker, and clasp Alex’s hand in mine. The phone is picked up on the second ring.
“Hello?” Mom’s sweet voice answers. It reminds me of warm pancakes with sugary syrup drizzled on top.
