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I find myself unable to sleep at night, tormented by thoughts of Sadie and what I left behind. Instead of finding solace in my brothers and the camaraderie of the MC, I feel increasingly isolated. The knowledge that I hurt the woman I love weighs heavily on my conscience, and I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve made a terrible mistake.
Everywhere I turn, I’m reminded of Sadie. The smell of her perfume lingers on my clothes, the memories of our time together haunt my thoughts, and the sound of her laughter echoes in my ears. It’s a constant reminder of the gaping hole in my heart, one that only she can fill.
In the quiet moments, when the world around me fades away, I wonder if I made the right choice in leaving her behind. If I’d been brave enough to face my fears and fight for her, would we be together now? Or would my presence in her life only have brought her more pain and heartache? I struggle with these thoughts, knowing that I can’t change the past but wishing more than anything that I could.
* * *
Shark and I are assigned to a mission together, one that requires us to travel a fair distance from our home base. We’re supposed to establish a new alliance with a potential support club, which could strengthen the MC’s reach and influence in the region. As we set out on our bikes, the road ahead stretches out before us, providing a sense of freedom that I haven’t felt in weeks.
As we ride side by side, the hours spent on the road give me ample opportunity to open up to Shark. There’s something about the open road that makes it easier to share what’s on my mind, and I find myself confiding in him about my feelings for Sadie and the decision I made to leave her behind.
Shark listens intently as I pour my heart out, never interrupting, simply allowing me to vent my frustrations and fears. When I finally finish, he nods thoughtfully before speaking up.
“Brother, I can see how much Sadie means to you, and I understand why you felt like you had to leave her behind. But sometimes, the best thing we can do for the people we love is to be there for them, no matter the cost.”
His words hit me like a punch to the gut. I’ve been so wrapped up in my own guilt and self-pity that I hadn’t considered how my absence might be affecting Sadie. I thought I was protecting her by leaving her behind, but in reality, I might have only made things worse.
As the mission progresses, Shark’s words stay with me, gnawing at the edges of my conscience. The more I think about it, the more I realize that I can’t keep running from my feelings, from the love I have for Sadie. I need to face the consequences of my actions, and if there’s even a chance that Sadie will have me back, I have to fight for her.
With renewed determination, I vow to myself that as soon as this mission is over, I’ll return to Packwood and make things right with Sadie.
As Shark listens to my story, he offers his perspective on the situation. “You know, going back for Sadie wouldn’t be a betrayal to the club. In fact, I think it would be a demonstration of your loyalty and love for her. The club isn’t just about bikes, bars, and brotherhood—it’s also about family.”
He gives me a knowing look, and it’s clear he’s speaking from experience. “We’re all in this together, and if Sadie is the one for you, then the whole MC will be there to help keep her safe. You can’t give up on her simply because you’re afraid she’ll get hurt. We’ve all got each other’s backs, and that includes yours.”
Shark’s voice turns somber as he briefly recalls his own heartbreak. “When I lost Isabelle, it taught me a hard lesson about what really matters in life. I’m no role model, but her loss showed me that my priorities should have been different. I should have been there for her, should have let her know just how much she meant to me.”
His words resonate deeply within me, as I’m faced with the reality of my own actions. I’ve been so focused on keeping Sadie safe from the dangers that come with being part of the MC that I’ve forgotten how important it is for her to know how much I truly love her.
Taking Shark’s words to heart, I make up my mind—but I’d be lying if I said I ever could have stayed gone. That girl had my heart from the beginning, and trying to keep her safe by pushing her away is something I’ll spend the rest of my life making up for—if she’ll have me.
CHAPTER16
Sadie
I’m rushingaround Betty’s Diner, trying to keep up with the orders as the lunchtime rush gets underway. The constant hum of conversation and the clinking of cutlery fill the air, and I can feel sweat forming on my brow as I work to stay on top of things. I’ve been working here since the Reapers left. I knew I couldn’t keep working at the motel after everything that had happened there, but in a town as small as Packwood, jobs are hard to come by.
There is no Betty. Fred, my boss, owns the place. He named it Betty’s Diner to give it a quaint, homey feel, and maybe it works on customers, but I doubt it—anyone who comes in has to see Fred’s mean mug and hear him barking orders at waitresses like me. And we’re all waitresses here.
As I carry a tray laden with plates of food to a table, I accidentally stumble, my foot catching on the leg of a chair. The tray tips precariously, and a dollop of mashed potatoes spills over the side of a plate, landing with a soft thud on the clean tablecloth.
“Sadie!” my boss, Fred, bellows, his voice cutting through the din of the diner. His face is red with anger, and his eyes narrow as he stares at me from across the room. “Fucking clumsy.”
I feel my cheeks flush with embarrassment as everyone’s eyes turn to me. “I’m sorry, Fred,” I stammer, trying to maintain my composure as I quickly wipe up the mess with a napkin. “It won’t happen again.”
Fred stalks over to me, standing uncomfortably close. “You’re right; it won’t happen again,” he hisses, his breath hot on my face and tinged with the onion from his lunch. “Because if it does, you’ll be out on the street looking for a new job. Understand?”
I swallow hard. “Yes, sir,” I mumble, my voice barely audible.
With a final glare, Fred turns on his heel and storms away, leaving me feeling shaken and humiliated. I force myself to take a deep breath and plaster a smile back on my face as I return to my duties, the harsh words of my boss echoing in my ears.
The bell above the diner’s entrance jingles, signaling the arrival of another customer. I plaster a smile on my face as I greet them, trying my best to appear upbeat and cheerful. The truth is, I feel like I’m going through the motions of living, struggling to adjust to life without Slash.
My new job at the diner keeps me busy, and in some ways, it’s a welcome distraction, I guess. But it’s humiliating. I made next to nothing at the motel, but at least I was alone most of the time, and no one screamed at me for making tiny mistakes.
My days are filled with the familiar clatter of dishes, the smell of hot coffee, and the grumbles of customers who pass through the diner. Some of them have become regulars, like Old Pete, who never fails to tell me a corny joke while sipping on his black coffee. I try to find comfort in these small moments of connection, but the truth is that my heart aches for Slash.
When I wake up on the rare morning when I haven’t been dreaming of him, for a brief moment, I forget that he’s gone. But the harsh reality sets in, and his absence presses down on me like a heavy blanket. Most days, though, I wake from a dream where I’ve either lost him or he’s in bed with me. I’m not sure which hurts more. I miss his touch, his laugh, and the way he made me feel safe in his arms.
