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“It’s not dating. It’s you systematically and methodically working through every available man in a hundred-mile radius, and compiling a list of why they’re not suitable.” Holding the back door of the van and closing it, slowly, as I step out of the way, he flashes that smug grin of his and chuckles. “Are you actually trying? Or are you trying to prove a point that all men suck?”
“All mendosuck.” I firm my lips and lift my head, if only to stand as tall as Raul.
Folding my arms, I hold my composure, even as my friend laughs.
“I’m not wrong,” I push. “But despite the slim pickings around here, I’m still trying.”
“Uh-huh, sure.” He locks the van doors and wraps me in a crushing hug as we walk back inside. “You want me to come over before you go out?”
“Could you?” I drop my bottom lip into a pout. “Meeting new people used to be so exciting to me. I’d feed off everyone else’s happy energy. But now it’s just…” I exhale a sigh. “Bleh.”
He sniggers. “I’ll come over as soon as I’m back from this delivery. And if we both think he’s a dud, I’ll wait at your apartment until you dump him twenty minutes later, then we can watchSurvivorand eat ice cream, exactly like you wanted to all along.”
“You’re the best.” I press a kiss to his jaw and unravel myself from his arms as we approach Nic.
“Checkmate pastries are going out,” I tell her. “Money’s already in the bank. I’m gonna sort and stack everything that came out of the oven before I’m done for today, then I’m going home.”
“Got a date?” She sits at her tall steel table, hunched over her drawing, and taps the end of her pencil to her bottom lip.
If anyone could be sour while asking that question, it’s the sister of the guy you were once head-over-heels, stupid in love with.Not that she knew.But that’s not Nicole. If anything, she seems almost not here. Engrossed in her design, and not the least bit interested in my answer.
“What’s his name?” she asks absently. “Why isn’t he good enough?”
“Ha-ha.” I roll my eyes and shove Raul away when he chuckles at my expense. “His name is Alan and he seems fine. He lives an hour away, in the city, so the fact he’s coming here is already a point in the pro column.”
She nibbles on the end of her pencil. “That’s generous of him. Make sure he doesn’t try the ‘I’m so sleepy, I might stay the night and drive home in the morning’ excuse—unless,” finally present, she glances up and meets my eyes, “you want that. In which case, go for it. Consent is sexy, and spanking isn’t abuse unless you say no.” She flashes a playful grin. “Have fun. Be safe. Know your safe word.”
“You’re so one-track-minded.” I turn on my heels and search for my oven mitts to drag the trays from the oven trolley. “I don’t date to have sex, ya know? I want a connection. I want a conversation.”
“Oh god,” she groans. “Those are literally the things Ididn’twant. I wanted to get laid, and for Preston to be as quiet as possible.”
I choke out a laugh, and spot my mitts halfway along the shop. So I take off at a jog, while Nic and Raul watch in amusement. “Considering the fact you both sleep in the same bed every night,andyou talk about more than just sex…” I pick up my gloves and slide my hands in, “how’d that work out for you?”
“He fell in love with my daughter and charmed his way onto my Netflix account. Now he won’t go away.”
“And bycharmed, you mean hacked. Don’t act like you hate it.” I wink for Raul as I pass, and peer to the back door when Jenson opens it wide.
“You have work to do,” I tell the first, “and I have pastries to box,” I announce for Nicole. “I’ll also write up that proposal for the winter reunion before I go home.”
“Suits me.” She tears her sheet of paper from her notebook and scrunches the lot.I guess she didn’t like her idea.“You’ve made us a frig-ton of money the last few months, Han.” Finding her smile, she looks up and tosses her ball of paper into the trash can lining the far wall. “I’m glad we decided to go into business together.”
“Yeah.” I force a nervous laugh and slide the first sizzling tray from the rack. “It hasn’t been stressful at all.”
“It was your idea, girlfriend.” Setting her pencil to paper again, she begins a new design. “My mom and dad will be at my stupid party next month, by the way. And my brother.”
My stomach drops, even without her saying his actual name. “It’s been a while since he’s been back.”Six months, thirteen days, eleven hours, and zero phone calls.Asshole. “How long will he be in town?”
“He’s not sure yet.”
Maybe I’m a really talented actress. Or maybe she simply doesn’t care about the tension that ekes from my every pore. Or, most likely, she has no clue Axel and I had that night together, and then the massive fight on a cemetery lawn soon after. Chances are, she doesn’t know the words he said to me, or the very moment my heart bled because it had been cut by a man I could have sworn would always keep me safe.
I never told her, and the fact is, Axel literally said, in plain English and hard words, that I was a secret. Nothing more.
If he could get away with fucking me without anyone knowing, then there’s no logical reason he’d out himself once we broke up.
Though, I wonder… isbroken upthe correct term for the situation we’ve landed ourselves in?
To be broken up implies we were together. And were we really, actually together?
