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“I’ll do a count soon, but I want to talk to you about Axel—”
“I don’t want to talk about his sex life. Or broom closets.” She walks to her prep desk and drops a heavy bag of icing on it. “I don’t want to talk about the horrible breakup you had, or the fight you might still have when you do the same thing, and it all blows up again.”
My heart skips with pain. “You don’t think we could be good for each other?”
“It would seem you’re not!Yousaid that, Hannah.” She stomps to the sink and flips the taps on to wash her hands. “I just don’t want to be involved.” She smacks the tap off again and grabs paper towels to dry off. “Because I love you both. I love you so much, Han, it makes me sick that I could lose you completely. So no, I don’t wanna talk about it. Or sex. Or broom closets. Or sleepovers.
“Figure out what you’re gonna do—whatever that thing is,” she tosses her paper towels in the trash and heads back to her table, “make sure you don’t hurt each other. Then tell me the outcome so I know if I should celebrate or cry. But I swear, Hannah,” she brings incensed eyes up and meets mine, “I swear, if you hurt each other the way you already have, and one of you leaves town for seven months, I’m gonna crack both of your skulls together until you can learn to play in the same sandbox.”
“He committed to coming back.” I swallow the tears in my throat and hold my ground when her eyes widen.
Straightening my shoulders, I stand tall under her scrutiny. “I don’t know if he told you yet, but he’s staying.”
Her voice trembles. “He’s moving back?”
I nod and take another step closer. “He signed a contract with Nixon yesterday. He promised. He’s back, and he’s staying.”
“And you?”
My brows pinch tight in surprise. “And me, what?”
“Are you and him together? Are you…” She wrinkles her nose. “Are you a couple?”
“We’re… trying really hard to mend hurts,” I answer in lieu of a yes or no. Because honestly, I’m not even sure what we are. “He said sorry. A lot.” I step again and stop on the other side of her table. “He said some really cruel things to me seven months ago, and I spiraled the way you saw. Now he’s back and apologizing.”
“And you believe him? Just like that?”
“Do you think I should?”
“Yes!” Tears fill her eyes. “Yes, because I trust my brother with my life. But now I’m worried, Hannah. I’m terrified you’ll screw each other over, and I’ll lose you both.”
“Do you hate the idea of me and him being together?” Nerves swirl in my blood as I reach out and grab her hand. “Would you hate me if I tried?”
“No.” Her fingers twine with mine. “I think you and Axel have the power to be something amazing. Because I think you’re the two most amazing people I know. But am I afraid?” She bobs her head. “Yes! I’m terrified I’ll lose you. Or him. Or both of you. And then what was the damn point of all this? What was the point of the first seven months of pain? And then the hard work of being together, if it only leads to a lifetime of darkness after that?”
“I don’t know.”
Slowly, hesitantly, I come around to her side of the desk and drag my lip between my teeth.
“I kinda hope, if we do this, we don’t screw it up a second time. Maybe we can learn from our past mistakes.”
“Sounds fantastic,” she grumbles. “But good intentions have a terrible habit of exploding in a person’s lap when they least expect it.”
“So I should never try?” A nervous giggle rolls along my throat. “Just be the sarcastic spinster aunt to your daughter for the rest of my life, but without the bonus of sex with your brother?”
“Argh!” She flings my hand away and plugs her ears.
But at least I can laugh now. I can feel okay, knowing she wants this too. She’s just scared.
And I relate to her fears, right down to a T.
“Don’tevertell me about having sex with my brother. I don’t want the details. I don’t want to hear about the sneaky smiles. Or the five-minute absences where I find you coming out of the storage closet or some icky shit. If by some wild chance you end up married and procreating, I want you to tell me the child was conceived in a test tube and a lab. I said I would be your safe space to talk. But Idon’tneed to know about Axel and sex.”
“Why not?” I grab her wrists and pull her fingers from her ears. “We had to hear about your filthy one-night stand and how Preston likes to give you a hand necklace.”
“That’s different!” she groans. “And I never told Axel about that.”
“No,” I snigger. “But I did. He made that same gargling sound of horror you did.”
