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“Never,” he said.
“That’s right. If you know Heather as well as the rest of us, and I know you do, then you also know she is pretty damn strong. She’s managed to stay with you for months and something told me she was there for you last night too.”
“She was,” he said.
“Then what is going on?”
“How can she be with me?” he asked. “I killed a man the other night. One of many in my life.”
“It’s a job,” Zane said. “No different than breaking up that kitchen in there. Do you think she is your judge and jury?”
“No,” he said. “She can’t stand to be judged and knocked down by her mother.”
“That’s right,” Zane said. “Remember that.”
“It’s hardly the same thing as not going into the field or career your mother wanted for you than what I’ve done.”
“It’s because you are making it so. Life is what you make of it. How much pressure you put on yourself for it or not. Those are things you need to deal with and no one else can.”
“Obviously, my way of dealing isn’t all that great,” he said.
“Only you know that,” Zane said. “Be honest with yourself. If you really couldn’t handle your career you would have found something else to do. You know it. You’ve got the training for a lot of things, but you left and decided to do this.”
“I did,” he said. “And I’m sure you’re going to tell me why.”
“I am,” Zane said. “Because you are a protector like me. I’m protecting my family now. You never felt you had one so the world was your family.”
“That’s lame,” he said, laughing.
“Maybe,” Zane said. “But you’re out there protecting and serving because it’s what you do. It’s in your blood. Maybe you couldn’t do it as much as you wanted as a kid. Or no one protected you and you swore to never let someone else feel that.”
“Not likely,” he said. “You’re making me out to be some saint and I’m not.”
“No,” Zane said. “You’re not. But you’re human. You feel, but you don’t want people to know that you do. The longer you keep it in the more it eats you up. Just remember that. You’ve got people around you that care. People that want to help you and be there for you. It’s your choice what you do with it. But don’t push away the best thing that’s happened in your life because you’re insecure.”
Zane walked away from him. It might be the first time his best friend said something to piss him off.
Probably because he was right on with everything he said and no one liked having the truth shoved in their face like that.
41
Get In Your Head
Heather had seen Luke’s SUV pull out after Zane’s truck this morning.
There was part of her that hoped he’d come to see her. Even if it was to just say hi.
But she knew he wouldn’t. She hated that she knew that and that Zane was right. Luke was going to retreat within himself and then he’d start cracking jokes again.
She’d seen both parts of it last night. As if he couldn’t figure out what to do or who to be when she just wanted him to be himself.
She tried to put it from her mind and get to work, but she couldn’t.
She took a risk and decided to call one person that might be able to help her understand.
“Heather,” Gavin said to her. “What’s wrong?”
“Do you have a minute to talk?” she asked her older brother. “If you’re busy I understand.”
