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“Amber isnotmy girlfriend,” I say firmly. Although I wish she was. I wish I’d said something before I left, asked her if she wanted to give this a try — givemea try. But it hadn’t felt right. I don’t know how to label what it was that we had back in London, but I know that it was still new. Too new to ask for a commitment like that.
I lift Maya up onto the kitchen counter and pull out the child safety knives I got her a few months ago so she could help out in the kitchen. I hand her a cucumber and she happily starts slicing.
“Is she pretty?” Maya asks, tongue poking out in concentration as she butchers the poor cucumber.
The question catches me off guard. “Is who pretty?”
“Your girlfriend.”
“Yeah,” I say without thinking. “She’s beautiful.” We’ve FaceTimed each other most nights, and every time her smiling face fills my screen, my heart starts to beat a little faster.
“Good,” Maya says with a stern nod. “Can we meet her?”
“No, princess,” I say sadly. “You can’t meet her.”
“Why not?” The question comes from Nel this time.
“Because she lives in London,” I say, glaring at my sister. “And I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we’re not currently in London.”
“We’re in New York!” Maya supplies helpfully.
“Exactly.”
“So fly her out,” Nel says, like it’s the simplest solution in the world.
“I can’t just fly her out.”
Nel opens her mouth, closes it, then opens it again and shakes her head. “Maya, sweet pea, can you please go and find your apron? I don’t want you to get your T-shirt messy.”
Maya nods and I help her down from the island. Once she’s gone, Nel crosses the distance between us and angrily prods my chest with a wooden spoon. “What the fuck is wrong with you, Finn?”
I frown at her. That wasn’t the energy I’d been expecting. “What?”
“‘I can’t just fly her out’.” She puts on a stupid voice and mimics the face Maya had made earlier. “Of course you can. Buy her a ticket, send it to her, and she’ll be here within a day.”
I start to protest, but Nel holds up a hand.
“Listen, Finn, I love you, but I’m getting tired of the excuses. You finally found someone to pull you out of the ten-year funk you’ve been in—”
“It hasn’t been that long.”
The hand goes up again, and I mime zipping my mouth shut.
“You’ve found someone who gets you. Who makes you happy, anddon’ttry to deny it. I’ve seen the way you smile whenever your phone buzzes and it’s a message from her. You love that girl.”
My throat goes dry.
Love?
Do IloveAmber? There are so many little things about her that I love, but do I love her? Am Iinlove with her?
Yes. The answer floats to the front of my mind without a second thought.
Yes, I’m in love with her. I think I’ve been in love with her for a while now.
“Oh, great.” Nel shakes her head. “So this is the first time you’ve realised that you’re in love. Cool. Whatever. Not my problem. My point still stands. Either you fly her out or you head on right back to London. I don’t care which one it is, but you need to stop moping around my house. Even Maya’s starting to notice.”
“What if she says no?” My voice is quieter than I’d like, betraying the genuine worry I can feel simmering beneath the surface. What if she doesn’t want to come? What ifIturn up on her doorstep and she sends me away?
