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“Why does that matter?”
“Because long distance ishard, Finn,” she says. She sounds like she’s desperately trying to convince herself. “It’s not just FaceTiming every night and flying to see each other every couple of months. It’s a real commitment.” She takes a deep breath. “It’s having faith in us that we’re willing to go through this for however long because we know that when it’s all over, we’re still going to want each other. That’s too much to ask for right now. I wish we had more time together. That we’d been able to build—”
“Sweetheart.” I cut her off and bring her hand up to hold it against my heart. I hope she can feel each steady, deep beat. I hope it calms her. Let’s her know that I’m right here with her and I’m not going anywhere. “When we first met, you told me that you like a client who knows what he wants. I know what I want, and I wantyou.”
“I want you too.” The words spill out seemingly without her permission. But then her lips curl into a small grin and she says, a little more forcefully this time. “I want you too.”
I mirror her smile. “Then we’ll work this out. Together. At the end of this, whenever that may be, you’re the one I want by my side. And an ocean and three thousand miles–”
“Three thousand four hundred and ninety-one.”
“And three thousand four hundred and ninety-one miles isn’t going to change that. You’re mine, sweetheart.”
“You’ll go bankrupt from the plane tickets alone.”
“It would take a lot for me to go bankrupt.”
“Just because you’ve got money, doesn’t mean you have to be stupid with it.”
“If I’m spending it on you, then there’s nothing stupid about it.”
She laughs at that, and I can practically see the anxiety and tension wafting off her. “Whatever you say.”
I reach for her hand and twist our fingers together. “So we’re doing this?”
“I—Yes,” she says firmly, giving herself a little nod. “If you want to?”
“There’s nothing I want more.”
“Then, yes. We’re doing this.” She lifts her head like she’s about to kiss me, but then she throws her shoulders back and laughs. “Oh, God. Bailey’s going to love this.”
28
AMBER
I don’t thinkI’ve ever been this nervous before. I’m pretty sure I didn’t even feel like this on my first day at Zensi Designs. But here I am, sitting passenger side in Finn’s car, nervously chewing my bottom lip as he drives up a winding road with huge white houses on either side.
Finn’s parents live about a forty-five minute drive out of the city. Nel and Maya are in the back and they’ve been a welcome distraction from the maelstrom of nerves swirling around my mind for the entire journey. It’s easy to forget that I’m about to meet Finn’s parents with Maya loudly singing along to a playlist of nursery rhymes Nel apologetically asks us to play. And when Maya eventually drifts off about twenty minutes into the drive, Finn and Nel serve as another convenient distraction.
It’s interesting watching them. Each interaction is filled with sibling banter and insides jokes that make them both roar with laughter.
Nel makes a crack at Finn’s driving when an old lady cuts him off, sticking her middle finger up as she zooms past us, and he immediately responds by telling me all about how it took Nel seven tries to pass her driving test. I’m only half-heartedly listening to Nel defend herself — “the first six fails weren’t my fault!” — too focused on the sudden pang of longing that shoots through me.
Would Noah and I have this kind of relationship if we were closer in age. Or, at the very least, if our mother would let us? It’s been nearly a month since I last saw her, and she’s made no effort to reach out and mend the rapidly growing divide between us. Maybe it’s beyond mending.
The funny thing is, it doesn’t really bother me as much as it probably should. I don’t feel a sense of loss or a burning desire to reach out. Not for her anyway.
Noah’s absence in my life has been weighing on me. I wonder what she’s told him. If he’s asked about me or where I am. If he misses me.
I don’t realise I’m pulling at my hair, a few strands twisting around my forefinger, until I feel a hand on my thigh. The touch snaps me out of an unexpected spiral.
“You okay?” Finn’s got his eyes on the road ahead, but his fingers squeeze my thigh in gentle comfort.
“Yeah.”
He squeezes again, a little harder this time. He doesn’t have to use his words for me to understand what he’s trying to tell me.I don’t believe you.
A quiet laugh escapes through my nostrils. I don’t think I’ll ever get over how easily he reads me. Like I’m his favourite book he’s memorised from front to back and there are no secrets hiding between my pages. I place my hand over his. “It’s just family stuff.” I’m painfully aware that Nel is only a few inches away and, as much as I like his sister, I don’t think I’m ready for her to know all the embarrassing drama surrounding my family right now.
