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Just know that I love you. More than anything,
Mama
And that’s when the dam broke. The tears came. She sobbed. Huge, heaving sobs that made her feel ill. By the time she stopped crying, she felt utterly drained. As though there was no moisture left in her.
She was empty inside.
But there was something she had to ask Jake and Elsie. Stumbling to her feet, she moved to the small bathroom across the hall and splashed water on her face.
She stared at herself.
She didn’t recognize the girl staring back at her. Leaving the cult had been hard. Leaving her friends behind . . . she thought it would be the worst thing she’d have to endure.
Turns out she was wrong.
Spinning around, she forced herself to go downstairs. Jake and Elsie were sitting in the living room, sipping on hot drinks.
Elsie jumped to her feet as Cat entered. “Sweetheart, can I get you a hot chocolate? What do you need?”
Cat shook her head and tried to smile. It failed.
“Oh, sweetheart.”
She let Elsie hug her. But it was more for the other woman’s sake than for hers.
Because she was numb. Nothing was getting through to her right now.
Jake shot her a knowing look. He got it. He knew how she was feeling.
Maybe.
Because even she wasn’t entirely sure. She was angry, then sad, then confused, and now there was . . . nothing.
“I need to ask you something,” she said as Elsie moved back.
“You’re welcome to stay as long as you like, Cat,” Elsie said. “You know we think of you as family. Like our niece.”
That was really sweet. But it wasn’t what she needed to ask. However, she made herself nod. It had been challenging to unlearn everything she’d been taught while living at the Camp.
In the Camp, it had been all about keeping things from the Deity and his Sentinels. Sneaking around and keeping them happy while doing what she wanted.
Things were different out here, yet kind of the same. There was always an authority figure that you needed to hide things from.
She licked her lips. “Do you know who Mama is hiding from?”
They shared a look, and her heart raced. Did they know? If they did . . . then she could find them. Destroy them.
And Mama could come home.
Then Elsie shook her head. “I’m sorry, sweetie. We don’t.”
Were they telling the truth? She turned to Jake. He wasn’t a man who lied.
He grimaced. “We really don’t. I’ve tried to get Penelope to tell me so many times. When your father died, she was beside herself. She was hysterical. We brought her back here. We tried to get her to stay with us. She did for a while. You were nearly five, I think.”
She didn’t remember. Shouldn’t she remember?
“You loved my chocolate chip cookies,” Elsie said. “Your mama would have nightmares. She’d yell out things. Names. But when I’d ask her about them the next morning, she wouldn’t say anything.”
“Then, one day, we woke up and both of you were gone. We had no idea whether you were alive or dead until you turned up unannounced on our doorstep a year ago,” Jake told her.
“We went to live with the Children of the Divine when I was ten. Or nearly ten. I think I wanted a birthday party when we first moved there and I got upset when someone told me that children didn’t have birthday parties. Mama made me a small cake in secret. We had our own private party. She probably would have been in trouble if we’d been caught.”
“Sounds like Penelope.” Elsie smiled sadly. “She’d do anything for you.”
“She left me!” Cat scrunched the notes up in her hands.
“There has to be a good reason for that,” Elsie said.
She looked over at Jake. Was he keeping something from her? People did that. They needed to learn not to underestimate her.
He sighed. “Don’t look at me like that, kid. If I knew something, I’d tell you. Hell, I’ve begged Penelope to tell me what she’s so scared of. But all she’d say is that it was safer for everyone if she didn’t tell us what was going on.” He let out a frustrated breath.
Cat understood. Mama was stubborn. And protective of her.
She just never thought she would leave her.
Pushing back her tears, she took a deep breath. “She told you nothing?”
“No.” He shook his head. “All I know is that she’s been running and hiding for a long time. I don’t even know how she found the money to move around like she did.”
Cat hadn’t thought about that. Mama had never worked. Where had she gotten the money?
“Maybe my dad had some money saved up.” She barely knew anything about him. His name was Peter Davidson. They had never used his last name, though and she didn’t know why.
Elsie and Jake shared a look.
