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“Lost your nerve?” Derek walked into the living room. He was wearing a sweatshirt and blue jeans and it occurred to Alastair that this was the first time he’d seen the Ranch head without his signature cowboy hat and bolo tie. “This sounds a bit serious.”
“It is. To me.”
Husband and wife exchanged concerned looks. Derek ushered Alastair into the study. A few minutes later Sadie appeared with a tray of coffee and cookies. Alastair thanked her and took a cup of coffee, black, along with two oatmeal cookies, which he placed on the table since he was too nervous to eat or drink just yet.
“What’s on your mind?” Derek asked. Sadie sat on the arm of her husband’s chair, watching expectantly.
Alastair cleared his throat. “When I interviewed for the position here, you asked me a great deal of questions which is to be expected. You wanted to know me, to make sure I was an appropriate fit given the unique nature of the community you’ve built here. You asked about my past but in my eagerness to get the position, I omitted some very important information about myself.”
He drew a deep breath before continuing. “I’ll be direct. I’m a trans man. I was born a woman but began medically transitioning over ten years ago with testosterone therapy and top surgery. I should have told you, but I didn’t.”
After a moment, Sadie squeezed her husband’s shoulder. She was the first to speak. “Why on earth do you think it would have made any difference?”
“My parents were very accepting people, or so I thought. But they apparently had their limits. When I told them I identified as male, they turned on me. I found myself ostracized and stripped of all the opportunities I’d taken for granted. Here, I felt the kind of acceptance I’d longed for. I’ve always been dominant, and my personal journey awakened a desire to nurture and protect those whose identities and orientations had made life difficult. I thought… I knew… I could make a difference here at Rawhide Ranch. Next to my transition, I’d never wanted anything so much as I wanted this position.
“Prior to the interview when I was getting the tour, I was introduced as a man. I was treated as a man. The comment was made that the school was in need of male teachers. I don’t doubt that I am a I man. I always have been one, even if my biological sex did not align at birth. But I also know that there is debate surrounding transgenderism. We are in Montana, and even if people accept the realities of dominance and submission and age-play, some may not be so understanding that a man or woman can transition to the opposite sex. I think we’re all aware of the efforts of state lawmakers to restrict gender-affirming care. I didn’t want to expose the Ranch to any political derision.” Alastair ran his hand through his hair. “I planned to tell you before I came out, then I thought perhaps I could prove myself first. But once I got here, everyone took it for granted that I was a man. No one questioned it and I thought, why rock the boat?”
He looked from Derek to Sadie. “I’ve come to realize that is a disservice, both to you and to me. I sought help from Dr. Weston, who urged me to come to you. I owe it to both of you to tell you all of who I am and have been, because it’s part of my journey to Rawhide Ranch. I also owe it to myself, because hiding it feels a lot like shame, and I am not ashamed.”
Derek nodded understandingly. “Alastair, just when I think I couldn’t admire you any more you go and surprise me. I don’t think anyone here at Rawhide Ranch doesn’t understand what it’s like to feel out of place at some point in their lives. I’ve known from the moment I considered offering you the position as I insist on a very thorough, complete vetting of anyone who is going to be around the Littles and submissives on my Ranch. Part of that vetting includes looking up birth certificates to verify identity. When we couldn’t find one for you, we did a little digging and found one for an Alice Robinson born on the date of birth in the same town where you went to school in your early years. It didn’t make a difference to me, though. I judged you by your character, not your gender, Alastair. I figure you’d tell me when you were ready.”
Before Alastair could respond to that shocking statement, his boss continued.
“You’ve had to deal with a whole extra level of hurdles on your way to finding yourself. I couldn’t be prouder that such a journey of strength has led you here.”
“I have a question,” Sadie said. “And if I’m out of bounds please let me know. Has something made telling us feel a little more urgent? And would that something be a pretty new service sub?”
Alastair chuckled. “Good lord. Is it that obvious?”
“To others? Maybe not…” Sadie smiled. “But I’m a people watcher and I see how the two of you look at each other. And I hear things. I know she’s told Kit how kind you’ve been and sometimes when two people work together…”
“Full disclosure, yes. Dora and I are connecting in a way I’ve always dreamed I’d connect with a woman. I have dated very little since transitioning and not at all since I’ve come here. I’m an optimist, even if I may not seem like one. I’ve always felt like these changes I’ve made would lead me to the perfect partner.”
“Does she know?” asked Derek.
“She does. And we don’t think it’s going to present any obstacles. Dora is everything I’ve been looking for in a Little. And I know it’s fast, but…”
“Who cares how fast it is!” Sadie rushed over and gave Alastair a hug. “When you know you know. You’re a Daddy! And Dora is such a sweetheart. It’s perfect.” She turned to her husband and Daddy. “Isn’t it perfect?”
“A happy ending. Or beginning.” Derek chuckled. “Now, Alastair, is this something you want shared with the staff and residents as a whole? I want you to understand that while Sadie and I both have known since before your interview, it’s entirely up to you who else you trust with the information.”
Alastair told him that he’d thought about it and did want to disclose that he was a trans man, but not quite yet. He was in a new relationship and wanted time to answer all of Dora’s questions before dealing with anyone else’s. “I’m not good at talking about myself. English reserve and all that.” He smiled. “But I know my story will help others who are struggling, or who feel like misfits. At the moment, I’d like to focus on being Dora’s Daddy. She and I are both experiencing a learning curve to go with the emotional one.”
“I completely understand. Whenever you’re ready, please know that you have mine and Sadie’s full support.”
Alastair stayed another hour talking with Derek and Sadie about the school and what services might be put in place in case other transgender men or women found their way. The conversation was bittersweet; if his parents had shown the same kind of desire to understand, Alastair thought, he would have been spared a lot of pain.
He couldn’t wait to see Dora and to tell her the news. After he left the Hawkins’ house, he headed straight to the lodge. This time Kit received him with a smile. “She’s in her room,” she said.
He found Dora lying face down on her bed, legs bent at the knees, ankles crossed. She was flipping through a magazine. Her hair was in two cute ponytails.
“Alastair!” She scrambled to her feet and rushed over to hug him. “So how did it go?” she asked as she stepped back. Earlier in the day he’d shared with her how he’d not shared that he was trans, and how it was weighing on him.
“Like an anvil has been lifted off my chest. They were beyond understanding.”
“I knew they would be.” She threw her arms around him again. “It’s very inspirational, you know. It takes so much strength to come out as a trans man, Alastair.”
“Perhaps my journey can help others,” he said. “But for now…” He turned to shut the bedroom door which stood open, before turning back to her. “How about we celebrate? There’s an Italian restaurant on the grounds. I’m thinking pasta, tiramisu, expensive wine…”
