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“Let me ask it differently.” Susan pressed. “Were you always a man? Because people are talking, Professor Robinson.”
The class tittered nervously.
“Does it matter?” Mark, a usually quiet sub who’d recently moved to the Ranch with his gay partner Evan spoke up. “If he is, what business is it of yours or anyone else?”
Susan shrugged. “Maybe some people are making it their business. Professor Robinson is an authority figure. If he’s passing himself off as something he isn’t…”
“That’s enough.” Alastair walked over to her desk. He could feel Dora’s eyes on him. “You’re being very rude and inappropriate, Susan.”
He turned around. “Class dismissed.”
No one moved. Alastair never dismissed class. The students kept their seats. He turned back to them. “Did you not hear me? Class dismissed.”
They scrambled to their feet. Susan was the last to leave. She turned to Alastair on her way out. “Don’t get mad at me. I’m not the one spreading the rumor.”
“So, who is?” Dora finally spoke up.
“Mavis Johnson.” Susan shouldered her bag. “Thanks for letting us out early. It’s too nice to be inside anyway. Oh, and for the record, don’t go trying to get me in trouble for asking a question. If it’s true, you should have let us know, right?”
Alastair followed her to the door, locking it behind Susan. For a moment, he stared at the frosted window that distorted the shapes of the students filing down the hallway.
“This is my fault.” Dora’s voice came from behind him.
“How is this your fault?”
“You came to my apartment after you talked to Derek and Sadie on Friday. You were telling me all about it. I don’t think I shut my bedroom door while we were talking. Kit. She must have overheard us.”
“And you think she told Mavis?”
“Kit is sweet,” Dora said, walking over to sit at one of the desks. “I don’t think she did it maliciously, but if she was drinking?”
“Damn.” Alastair shook his head. “I’m not ashamed of being trans. I’ve been thinking of a way to make some kind of announcement. Having it come out like this makes it look like I’ve been hiding it, like I’ve been caught on my back foot.” He sighed. “Damn,” he said again.
Dora stood and walked over. She put her arms around him. “Look, if something like this is going to come out, it’s better in a place like this than anywhere else, right?” She stepped back. “If Derek and Sadie are okay with it, who cares what anyone else thinks?”
Alastair wanted to agree with what she was saying, but he couldn’t help but worry. He was also angry at himself. He’d reacted emotionally and fearfully to being confronted. He’d reacted to what should have been a teachable moment with shame and defensiveness.
He’d always prided himself on being in control, on being strong. Dora had put her faith in him as a strong man and a Daddy. In that moment, seized by doubt, Alastair felt like less than the man he wanted to be.
“I need some time alone,” he said, turning away.
“Did I do something wrong?”
“This isn’t about you, Dora,” he said sharply, but as soon as the words were out of his mouth he was seized by an even greater regret.
“I didn’t say it was,” she said quietly. The hurt in her voice was unmistakable as she left the classroom.
Go after her, a voice in his head said, but he didn’t know what he would say. When he’d spoken to Sadie and Derek, he’d been in control of the conversation. Now what had been a carefully guarded secret had been fed into the rumor mill before he’d had a chance to present his truth to the school in the way he wanted.
And now he’d hurt the feelings of the one person he knew accepted him in every way. He picked up his jacket and headed out of the office, hoping that he could get to Derek before news of the rumor and his reaction did.
Chapter 14
Her Daddy was hurting. She could see it etched on his handsome face. He was hurting and she couldn’t help him because he’d sent her away.
There were countless reasons why Dora knew she shouldn’t take it personally. She was no stranger to how past trauma could resurface to sow fast-sprouting seeds of doubt and insecurity. It had happened time and time again, even here, but since Alastair had come into her life, she’d had someone to uproot those seeds before they could sprout. In the wake of Susan’s malicious questioning, Dora had seen a chance to be there for Alastair, but he’d not allowed it.
This isn’t about you.
