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ONE
SPENCER
I am in hell. This is it, I am sure of it. The designer baby boutique is filled with pastel shades, and neutrals, whatever the hell that is. When did pink or blue become so offensive? The other thing there is too much of in here is hormones! This many pregnant women shouldn’t be allowed to congregate together. They’ll conspire to eliminate men completely. I can smell the man-hate in the air. Uncomfortable, tired, swollen, and filled with rage––they scare me. My very pregnant sister scares the living daylights out of me at the moment, and I didn't even knock her up.
“Do you think I will need a breast pump?” Audrey asks her best friend Luna while holding up a contraption I did not need to know existed. Luna inspects the box. She has to blow her wild curly hair out of her face to read it.
“You might. It would be a good thing to have.” They add it to the overflowing cart. I would have rather given Audrey my credit card and just paid the bill. But my sister insisted I come with her on this shopping expedition to hell.
“That is synthetic.” Luna takes the blanket out of my hand and gives me another with bamboo in bold on the label. The woman has always been a bit cray cray, but she is my sister’s best friend and has been since they were six. I should be used to Looney-Luna by now, yet somehow, she manages to surprise me with her constant chaos.
“Audrey…” I catch her attention, “…do you honestly need me here?” She sighs, folds her arms and rests them on her very pregnant stomach before taking a deep breath and laying into me.
“Spencer, this is your niece or nephew in here. Literally the only other family you have beside me. Suck it up for one day.” My sister knows me better than anyone else. Meaning that she knew I’d hate this. I don’t physically shop in stores. These days, you can get anything you need online. There are a lot of people in the shops that I can avoid by staying home and working. Work is what I should be doing right now, not choosing which stroller would be best for jogging. Jogging with a stroller sounds like a pain in the ass. An occupational hazard if ever there is one.
“You should be more supportive, you know,” Luna says to me when Audrey is out of earshot. “She’s trying so hard to ignore your bad vibes. Why aren’t you happy for her? This is what she has always wanted.”
“To be a single mother in her thirties?” I ask Luna because I don’t think her or my sister realizes what she is in for. Luna frowns at me and shakes her head.
“A family, you jackass. That includes you. But you are too busy being pissy about her maternity leave to see that. You’ll lose her if you don’t adjust your attitude, Spence.” I want to physically shake some sense into Luna.
“How will Audrey work with a baby? What the fucking hell am I supposed to do without her running my office and home?” Her eyes widen, and my sister spins around, storming towards us. “She had no consideration for any of that, so yes, I am pissy. The whole thing is a mess. She moved out and there’s no one there.” The whole shop is looking at me as I raise my voice. Luna has no clue. She floats from one thing in life to the next. I don’t think she has ever worked. Not at a job anyway.
“Spencer.” My sister hisses under her breath. “Stop.”
Luna looks at her and speaks, “Your brother is a selfish jerk who thinks having a baby means you’re incapable of doing your job. He’s a sexist jerk. The best kind.” Luna waves her middle finger at me and walks off to find whatever else is on the list.
“She is right, you know,” my sister says, angry at me. “You knew this was coming. I brought in God knows how many candidates for you to interview. You hated them all, and now I’m weeks away from giving birth and going on maternity leave, and you are panicking. Just hire someone, Spencer. Anyone, but I am having a baby. I can’t change that. I need time off.”
“I hate strangers, Audrey. How can I hire one to stay in my house and run things? I can’t trust them to do your job. What if they fuck up? It’s not that simple. I cannot believe you have left me like this.”
“That’s right. It’s always about Spencer. They’re hired help…you tell them what to do, and they do it!” She is red in the face now. “It is not that hard, and if you were not a god damned hermit and did some stuff yourself, it would be easier.” My sister holds nothing back. She hates that I cut myself off and prefer to stay inside my bubble. I am not like her. I don’t just fit in everywhere I go. I stand out.
“Stop it, both of you.” Luna steps between us. “I am not a stranger. Audrey can fill me in, and I will do the job until she comes back. That way, you can stop being a dick and stressing her and the baby out, and she can sleep at night without worrying about you firing another poor soul.” Audrey looks at her friend and at me. That’s an awful idea. Luna will drive me to day-drink. But we’re in public and everyone is looking at us, so I just shrug. I will kill this plan later when the ladies and the hormones have simmered down slightly.
“That’s actually great,” Audrey says, and I scream on the inside. “You are not working right now, and you already know most of what I do. We can communicate. My brother won’t kill you, and he cannot fire you because you’re like family.” She’s being all rational about this and making it make sense. No. “I know you don’t like change, Spencer, and new people give you hives. Luna isn’t new, and she can do almost anything.” Jack of all trades, master of none.
“I don’t know. I think I can manage on my own.” Luna snorts out a laugh, and my hackles go up. I could do it if I wanted to, but I have never needed to. “It’s three months.”
“Six months.” Audrey corrects me again. We have had more than a few tiffs over how long she wants to be off. Six seems excessive to me. She’ll be so bored. “It’s settled. I will get Luna up to speed, and she can take my work phone. My side of the house is fine for her. The commute from her place would be a bit much. She’ll have to stay in.” I want to throw up thinking about this. I hate my sister for choosing motherhood over me, and I hate myself for being a selfish asshole about it, but it’s how I feel.
“Fine, whatever. Can I just leave you with my credit card and go? Please.” I beg. I have to get out of here. It’s too much. “I don’t care if you buy the entire store. I will pay. I just cannot be in here any longer.”
“Go home, hermit.” My sister rolls her eyes. “But I might just buy the whole store, and you better not say one word about it.” I open up my wallet and hand her my black personal credit card. The glint in her eye tells me this is going to cost me—a fuck ton. “I will come in later and we can arrange everything for Luna to take over.” I’ll just tell her then this won’t work. I don’t want to say no in front of her friend, but hell-fucking-no.
I kiss her cheek and say, “See you later. Please don’t buy gray and beige baby clothes. A little color won’t hurt.” Luna keeps suggesting neutral, earth-friendly, boring things that are depressing to look at. “Neither does polyester.” I mock. Luna smirks and holds up a coffee-colored one that says, “if you think my poop stinks, you should smell my uncle” from the gag clothes rack.
“Bye, Spencer.” She waves. “See you soon.” Please, no. I wave and smile, leaving them to continue baby shopping.
My driver pulls up to the curb as I step out, ready to take me back home to my office. I cleared my morning for this outing, but there is always work to do. With my laptop on the back seat beside me, I log on to the teams chat and join the project managers' meeting. They canmanagealone, but I like to be in control, and see to it that no one is fucking up.
“Straight home?” My driver checks again, and I nod.
I listen to the development team going over the planned roll-out of our newest updates for the coming weeks, and I have spotted a few flaws. I will have to get the team leaders online once I am home.
We cannot afford for anything to go wrong.
We drive straight past our corporate headquarters, a billion-dollar building that I rarely set foot in. I work in my home office, and being the owner has perks. I’m not cut out for interpersonal interaction all day long. I can’t think in situations where I am surrounded by noise and distractions.
