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Luna.That’s who. She does whatever she wants in life—she always has. I envy her ability to simply go with whatever comes, to be able to handle all the ups and downs…she doesn’t care. She just lives life and smiles about it. I get bitter thinking about how life would be if I could turn my thoughts off and simply enjoy it the way I did last night.
The headlights of her car light up the living room when she pulls in, my heart is racing. My palms sweat with anxious anger. It’s almost midnight. Where has she been? I was worried. Doesn’t she care about that?
I pace up and down, waiting for her to come inside. It takes ages before the lock on the door clicks open. We will have to talk about this now that we’ve both had time to think.
SIXTEEN
LUNA
I might have hurt him if I didn’t leave earlier. I had nothing nice to say, and if I said what I was thinking, I’d regret it. I don’t believe in mistakes or things being wrong—everything happens for a reason. Drunk or not, I said yes when he asked me because I felt something for him. I couldn’t explain it. I still can’t, but I knew I wanted to marry Spencer. I have no regrets, but he clearly woke up and had some pretty big ones.
The sexual chemistry between us was unlike anything I have ever felt with anyone in my life. The attraction and the connection when we were together––all of it was out of this world, and not because we were drunk, it was more than that. It started when I got dressed and he came in before we drank and escaped to the gentlemen’s club.
I’d be lying if I told myself that his reaction this morning didn’t hurt me, it did. The man didn’t mince words when he said it was a mistake, he meant it. I wonder if he thought the sex was a mistake too, or just the part when he married me. I stand outside the front door for a minute, I haven’t got anywhere else to stay, and I have nothing with me or I’d have gone to a hotel.
I’m no stranger to rejection. I have been the woman that wasn’t enough or too much my whole life. Every guy always ended up with the next person after me. The number of times I got told ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ or ‘this was a mistake, we should be friends’ is more than I care to think about. I have thick skin, I can take it—yet this one hurt like a bitch.
Once I have pulled my emotions back to a place where I can sort of control them, I push open the front door and step into his giant, cold, empty house. Athena comes running around the corner to see who is there, her paws skidding on the smooth floors so she can’t stop herself before she runs into me. “Hey, girl.” I give her a cuddle, hang my purse on the hat stand, and prepare to face him.
“Where have you been?” Spencer doesn’t even say hi. He just goes off at me. “It is so late. I was worried sick.” I find it hard to believe he was worried about me. He probably just wanted to make sure I didn’t tell Audrey what happened.
“You don’t get to know where I am all the time,” I say. “It is none of your business really.” Spencer looks angrier than he did this morning when I left. He must have stewed all day long about marrying me.
“The hell I don’t, Luna.” He raises his voice, and I raise an eyebrow. “I was worried about you. You didn’t answer your phone.” He takes it down a notch.
“I didn’t want to talk to you, Spencer. I had nothing nice to say.”
“We have to talk, Luna. We got carried away last night, and we need to have a conversation about it.” He’s still wound up and highly agitated about this. I’m not sure now is the time to talk, not until he calms down.
“Are we talking or yelling?” I ask him, not interested in the latter. “You said enough this morning.” Spencer sighs, and when he pinches the bridge of his nose like I’m annoying him, I want to kick him in the nut-sack.
“Luna, can we just sit down like adults and talk about what happened, please,” he asks nicely, and I know we have to talk about it. Might as well get it over and done with. I pull out a chair at the kitchen counter and he sits on the one next to me. I don’t say a word. I wait for him to talk. “I drank way too much last night.” He opens with an excuse that already gets my hackles up.
“Not an excuse for being a dick today.” I remind him. He was a right jerk this morning.
“I don’t go to events for a reason, Luna,” he says, defending his bullshit. “I have social anxiety. Being near so many people makes me panic. To avoid the panic, I drank. I didn’t want to embarrass you or myself in front of you.” He is still making excuses. I stay dead quiet. None of that makes any of it okay. I knew he was drunk. I liked him better like that, honestly. “I got caught up in how amazing you looked, and my inhibitions were lowered. I’m sorry. I should never have gone, or made you go.” The sorry part is a decent start. “We made a pretty monumental mistake.” I hold up my hand and stop him right there.
“Not we…you,” I say. “I don’t regret last night. I loved every minute of it. It was not a mistake to me, Spencer. So, you don’t get to speak for me.” He looks at me and I see him trying to think about how to respond and filtering whatever asshole comment he was about to spew.
“Luna, we got married. It wasn’t just a fun roll in the hay. It is legally binding, you are my wife.” His body is stiff, and I can see he is freaking out. “We didn’t have a one night stand. We committed to be together forever.”
“I know!” I yell this time, tired of his crap. “I said yes when you asked me. We had sex in the car while your poor driver died a thousand deaths. We had sex at a lot of places we shouldn’t have. You chose my ring and kissed the bride! I fucking know we got married, Spencer. The only difference is I don’t think it was a mistake. It is probably the only honest thing I have ever seen you do.”
“Luna, I can’t be married to you.”
“To me? So I am the issue? You had no issue when you were balls deep fucking me half asleep this morning. Then I was fine?” He makes a growling sound in frustration. It shouldn’t be sexy, we are fighting, but it is.
“That’s not what I meant, Luna. Having sex with you was amazing, but it can’t happen again. We can’t be a couple.” It is my anger that bubbles and boils now. I don’t understand him. What the fuck is wrong with him?
“Spencer, if you are so upset about this, we can just get a fucking divorce. You’re not the first guy to reject me. It’s fine.” Fuck it, why should I even try to understand him? I was here to help Audrey. This was a favor to her. “I’ll sign on the dotted line. We can pretend it never happened.” How do I look at him every day and forget how his body felt? How do I not remember how his kisses tasted?
“Luna, it is not that simple. You don’t just get divorced. Fuck.” I’m sure it is simple. He made a mistake, he should undo it. “There is legal shit involved. You’re entitled to half of everything I have because we didn’t get a prenup!” Oh, he is worried about money. That’s what it is. Fucking asshole.
“Spencer, I don’t want anything from you. I certainly don’t want half of your shitty, sad, lonely life. I have my own life, and I can make my own money. I do not need any of yours.” I am actually hurt that he thinks I might take his stuff. “Just get the damn papers and I will sign them. I want nothing to do with you after this.” Drunk Spencer was a whole other human being.
“Did you do this on purpose? To get a settlement?” His bitter tone makes my hand itch to slap the words out of his mouth. “Was this your plan all along, to seduce me for my money?”
“How fucking dare you?” I stand up and get very close to his face when I spit the words at him with poison. “I hate to burst your ego bubble, Spencer, but none of this was my idea. You did this. You asked me to marry you, YOU kissed me. YOU fucked me like a toy, and now you want to toss me aside. No, Spencer, this was not my plan. No one plans to have their heart broken, you cunt.” I hate that word, I never use it, but it fits the moment. “I never even thought about your money in all this.” Money is an energy that comes and goes. I have never chased after it. I chase happiness and I’m grateful for what I have. How can he say something so fucking shallow and wrong!
